I never knew that everything was falling through...
I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears I'm back in my blue period again, which always has the most horrible timing. Finals are coming up in the next two weeks and I am stressed out as always. I don't see how I could be anything but stressed when I'm taking 19 credit hours and my entire OU career depends on the quarter. I'm okay in all of my classes, except Latin. I've worked so hard all quarter to do well and it's paying off in every other class except Latin. And all the stress caused by this one class is causing so much trouble on my mental stability. I was really depressed and my anxiety was kicking in hard before, and now I'm so worried about disappointing my parents and myself again that it has multiplied. It's gotten bad. To the point that I can't leave my room sometimes because the thought of going out makes me have headaches and makes me physically ill. And we all know I absolutely need to go out. I already feel lonely and secluded enough without this social anxiety thing. Basically, I'm a wreck. Winter break is just what I need at this point.
Jim came down last weekend for Halloween and I was so happy! I had missed him so much (I hadn't seen him in 3 weeks) and we both really needed to see eachother. Seeing him and having him hold me and look at me and talk to me was all I needed to forget about the shitty week I had. He always makes everything so much better. Thursday night we laid around in bed and then went to walmart and Petland. Petland was sweet because we held an adorable little puppy. And we both got excited for the puppy (or puppies) we will get together when we are older. We went to walmart to buy stuff for Jim's AMAZING costume and snacky foods for the weekend. Friday night we spray painted Jim's Duff Beer cans for his costume outside and then went to Steven's to party with Jordan and his room mates. It was good seeing Jordan and Steven, but the night kind of ended badly due to some not so careful mixing by Jordan. It was all ok in the end though, because I had Jim next to me sleeping that night. Saturday was spent laying around and then we got all dressed up in our costumes (I was a highway patrol officer and Jim was Duff Man). We went to Steven's for some pregamming and ended up staying there for hours upon hours. Then we went up to court street and over to some house parties. It was an okay night but then something happened and I just wanted to go home. Jim and I were walking up on Court (which was packed, but not as much as it usually is) and some guy grabbed my butt. I turned around and he sort of gave this "heh-whatever" shrug. I punched him in the face once and yelled at him. Then Jim yelled at him and punched him in the face and basically knocked him out. Yeah, I've never felt so protected in my life. Thank you Jim! I love you! The rest of the night was spent in my room watching tv, eating Taquitos, and well...yeah.
Oh, and for those who haven't heard the story yet, I have had my identity stolen and the girl who did it was convicted of a crime in Athens county. The crime you may ask? Public urination. Yes, that's right, pissing in public. So, not only was this embarassing crime put on my record here at OU but someone out there knows my social security number, my birthdate, and my address. Great. After a whole lot of running around and such, I finally cleared my name of the conviction. However, I had to hire a lawyer to help me find out who had stolen my identity. And, when we find out who it was, the lawyer will help me press charges like no other. The timing couldn't have been worse. Thanks for more stress random girl who peed in public.
I'm excited because my maio and step-dad are coming down this weekend for Parents Weekend. We will be going to OU's football game on Friday and then we will be spending ALL weekend in a little cabin in the woods. I'm excited because I will be able to cook all meals (Oh god do I miss cooking!) and I can relax in the hot tub. This weekend will be good for me.
Um...what else, what else...It's basically just constant stress and anxiety. And it will continue to be like that until I finish that last final in about two weeks.
And, random picture time:
XOJess