leave all this to yesterday - 2; jaesu
leave all this to yesterday (2/4)
a win-win
jaesu; 3,227 words
They’ve been cafe hopping when they meet - maybe because that’s how it all started. Junsu jokes that he’s a cheap date because all he needs are iced americanos, to the point where Jaejoong’s sure the man can hear his own heartbeat - like an internal metronome. Oh that’s good, he should write that down.
“How does the muse thing work?” Junsu talks around the straw, biting it absently.
“We just let it happen. But usually I’ll get inspiration from watching you or listening to you. Maybe we can treat it interview style like you’re a character!”
“Still sounds like a great excuse to be a stalker.”
A pause from Jaejoong, and then some scribbles in his notebook. “You think people would be into watching a movie about that?”
Junsu laughs, covering his eyes in disbelief.
"So what do you think about star-crossed lovers?"
Junsu hums. "Don't believe in them."
Jaejoong smiles wide. "So you're a romantic."
"Not really.”
"No?"
"So I'm thinking..."
"Oh?"
"I'm helping you get out of this rut, right?"
"Yuh-huh."
"You should write our next musical's storyline. Give a shot at the lyrics too."
Jaejoong stares and blinks at Junsu to see if he's serious. "Really? I suck right now."
"That's why I'll be here to help you," Junsu says with a smirk. "You don't want to do it?"
There isn't any reason for him to turn down the offer, he reasons.
“Besides, our theater is struggling,” Junsu continues, looking out the window at the passing foot traffic. “I think our next show needs to be a hit, or we’ll have to shut down. It’ll be a great way to watch me work and I’ll get something out of it too.”
“Uhm-” Jaejoong wants to say something, but is struck by the way Junsu looks right now, the way his shoulders sink a little, his brows furrowed. He looks so different.
"For a writer, you don't use many words."
"I usually talk a lot more than this!"
“So it’s a deal right? I help you get your next screenplay out, you help me save the theater?”
He agrees to write their next musical, warning Junsu that he'll have to perform it even if it's about a chicken who falls in love with a turkey. Junsu doesn't seem to have the same appreciation for star-crossed lovers as he does, seeing as how the sad story of the chicken and turkey he tells almost makes Junsu shoot his water through his nose.
- - -
Junsu’s been doing research on famous muses, calling it job immersion. “Wow, are you gonna paint a million portraits of me? You know Picasso painted pictures of Dona Maar for nine years?”
“She was also an artist, a photographer. He inspired her too. Hey, what do you think about-”
“This isn’t a fair exchange.”
Jaejoong tilts his head in confusion when Junsu abruptly changes the topic, which he notices is something Junsu is really good at - honing in on the thing he wants, charging forward, and bringing you along. He’s about to bring up the exchange they already agreed on - him writing Junsu's next musical.
“Tell me something about you. Why aren’t you an actor instead? Can’t you just get a TV or modelling gig to break into the business?” Junsu has reached the bottom of his drink again, evidenced by the sound of a long, desperate slurp through the straw trying to vacuum any coffee left on the cubes.
“Actor? Well, I can’t pretend.” Jaejoong scratches the back of his head thinking.
Junsu gives him a once over. “You have the looks for it.” Another loud vacuuming slurp.
“I like listening to people and telling a story they might not have even seen themselves.”
“You’re such a romantic. What’s your untold story, then?”
Jaejoong confesses that he really hates cafes, and would prefer meals instead. And he asks Junsu to meet in bars, restaurants, even his apartment where he can make really great amazing meals or maybe Junsu’s apartment where he can bring over meals, whatever is easier because he really can’t eat one more slice of cheesecake with coffee anymore.
“So you’re a pushover, too.”
- - -
“Some muses get sponsored by their artists to go around the world with them,” Junsu mentions in the middle of a tour he’s giving Jaejoong of the theater. He gestures for Jaejoong to walk faster when they reach the stage, standing front and center. “I love this part.”
Jaejoong looks out into the empty seats, struck by how clearly you could see even with the lights on, starting from the seats in the orchestra to the mezzanine. He glances towards the back, spotting the seat he sat in that very night he saw Junsu for the first time.
Junsu notices. “Sometimes you just catch a look in the crowd. That expression on a face that tells you that you’re telling a story that really reaches them.”
“You really don’t like the idea of star-crossed lovers for the musical? It’ll sell. People love love.”
"Star-crossed lovers isn't too terrible, but you have to write them the right way,” Junsu sits down, his legs hanging over the edge of the stage, swinging idly as he thinks.
"What does that mean?" Jaejoong joins him.
"It can't be some powerful, omniscient force that keeps them apart - but also not some small misunderstanding - or what's the point of love? You know what I mean?"
"Are you sure you're not a romantic? That's pretty romantic."
Junsu seems to ignore the comment, already getting fired up. "There has to be some deep, internal conflict that the characters don't even realize themselves. Like - they are their own undoing!"
"Own undoing, okay okay," Jaejoong repeats, jotting it down on his phone.
He looks up when Junsu starts humming. HIs eyes are closed and he’s leaning back on his arms, relaxed and like he’s in a world all his own.
“Do you remember me from that night?”
“Hmm?” Junsu’s eyes are still closed.
“When I came to your show. You said sometimes you catch a face in the crowd.”
Junsu smiles and finally looks over. “Yeah, it’s a look I’ve seen before. I don’t know how I’d describe it.”
“Maybe my sponsorship looks like a sold out show that lets you guys buy and renovate this theater.”
- - -
“You know some artists make full body sculptures of their muses,” Junsu says, idly scrolling through famous sculptures on his phone, lounging flat on his couch. “Are you gonna ask me to pose naked for you?”
“What about a bad breakup with your ex? Give me something here,” Jaejoong whines, drawing scribbles over the notes he has about a heartbroken country boy who finds a new love in the big city. He looks over to the other side of the couch, poking Junsu with his toes when he doesn’t answer right away.
“An ex,” Junsu hums, putting his phone down when he finishes his scrolling. “Nothing dramatic enough for you to write home about. It ended normally.”
“Normally?”
“Normally.”
“What does normally mean to Kim Junsu?”
“He feels like I didn’t choose him. But I did. We were both actors and he got a big opportunity and we’d have to be apart indefinitely, so I told him to take it. I know how long he’d been working at this, and how important it was to him. So yeah, in my eyes, I chose him. And I’d want someone to choose me in that way too.” He says it all in one breath, feeling the heat go his ear tips when Jaejoong’s being really quiet.
“He?”
“That’s what you got out of this?”
“When we met you talked about picking up girls with fake psychology books!”
“I wasn’t in love anyway.”
Jaejoong grabs his pen, feeling the shape of a character at the end of Junsu’s sentence. “What would make you fall?”
Junsu shrugs. “I feel like we choose. Isn’t that what it’s like for everyone?”
“I don’t know if I’ve ever had a choice.”
Junsu groans, dramatically draping himself over the couch. “Romantics.”
Jaejoong rubs his chin, several things clicking into place now.
“What?”
“So he was an ass man?”
“You’re flirting with me now that you know I date men?”
“I’ll make an ass sculpture of you.”
- - -
Junsu brings him to meet the rest of his cast and crew at another show’s afterparty. That’s why he’s never seen Junsu at a party before - because he had no idea how theater kids partied. He feels like he’s watching from outside his body, the way Junsu drags him around the room making introductions and hyping Jaejoong up in a way he’s never seen before when it’s just the two of them together. It makes Jaejoong feel like a trophy.
“You’re exaggerating.”
“A muse connects an artist with other artists,” Junsu leans in to whisper.
Jaejoong shivers when Junsu’s nose bumps against his ear, and shakes it off. “You really think I’m that good, huh? After reading some of my stuff?”
“Go make nice with the other artists and tell them about your chicken and duck storyline.”
“Chicken and turkey,” Jaejoong corrects as he’s shooed off. But he has to admit, the conversation is easy with everyone already really excited about what he’s going to write. Or maybe it’s the Junsu effect. He notices the energy that floats around the room following the singer, and he thinks maybe he’s just a lucky recipient of that energy. It’s relieving on one hand to connect with the people that he’ll put characters to, and then it’s nerve-wracking on the other when he thinks about what Junsu told him about the theater.
“How do you know Junsu?”
“I’m his muse,” Junsu cuts in, returning with a red cup in hand and hanging his arm over Jaejoong’s shoulders. “Isn’t he the greatest? So talented. We’ve been writing together this whole time.”
Jaejoong eyes the cup and takes Junsu’s hand to lift it to his nose. Not alcohol. He watches and Junsu’s still going on, beaming like that first night they met. Definitely shiny and not sweaty. Or not just sweaty, rather. He does sweat a lot.
“Jaejoong, tell us he’s a nightmare to work with.”
Jaejoong sighs, ruffling Junsu’s hair like a puppy’s. “He’s very stimulating.”
Junsu groans. “They’re gonna think I’m that kind of muse.”
“Let’s get me a drink,” Jaejoong pulls him away before Junsu can set the record straight. “You’re being so nice to me.”
“I’m incredibly nice to you, hyung.”
“No, you’re like,” Jaejoong lets go of Junsu just to refill his beer. “Flirty.”
“How?” Junsu tilts his head in a way that makes Jaejoong second guess himself.
“Bragging about me. And … body language.”
“I like my artist. I’m being a good muse.”
“Just say you like working with me. You’ve totally been having a good time, too.”
“I’ve been very stimulated.”
“That grin is so evil. I can’t believe I thought you were angelic this whole time.”
“I’m so angelic. What, were you flirting with me this whole time?”
“Not on purpose,” Jaejoong mumbles behind a sip. “It’s just … how I am with people I like.”
“Well being oblivious to flirting is how I am.”
Jaejoong takes another big gulp. “No but I’m not-”
Junsu perks up when a voice calls his name and waves them over for another introduction. “Besides,” he says, eyes trained far away, “You wouldn’t be able to handle me flirting back.”
Before Jaejoong can answer, he’s getting introduced to the director of Junsu’s last show, so he really has to focus and pitch the story they’re writing. And definitely not think about how stimulating and flirty Junsu’s last comment was.
- - -
“I feel like I didn’t read anything about proofreading muses.” Junsu pages through the latest version of the musical script, glasses perched low on his nose and pen in hand scribbling notes here and there.
Jaejoong squeezes in close on the couch, peeking over Junsu’s shoulder to look at his notes. He rests his chin on Junsu’s shoulder. “But you’re so good at it.”
Junsu fluffs Jaejoong’s hair with his right hand while his left jots down a new line.
“What are you thinking here?” Jaejoong scans Junsu’s notes, over half of them are on possible lyrics and the others on stage blocking.
The pen pauses mid-word as Junsu thinks. He starts to hum through a melody, showing Jaejoong where he sees the emphasis of the lyrics happening before looking over for approval.
Jaejoong does his best to nonchalantly slip his arms around Junsu’s waist. “The best proofreading muse.”
“We’ve been spending so much time together. I feel like I can guess what you want.”
“Your glasses are so cute.”
“You want them?” Junsu passes them over.
He puts them back on Junsu and replaces himself against Junsu’s side. “Fine, you make the glasses cute, okay?”
“You like these notes on the lyrics though? Helpful?”
“I like how you think about music.” Jaejoong’s jaw pushes into Junsu’s shoulder as he talks.
Junsu turns to look at the parasite known as Jaejoong on his shoulder. “The music comes from reading your story.”
They’re nearly done with the storyline, with just the ending for Jaejoong to figure out. Throughout their collaboration sessions they’ve settled into a story of star crossed lovers who have been weaving in and out of each other’s lives. We get to see how their actions create some of the happiest events for the other person, but also end up pushing them further apart. They’re unknowingly giving each other everything, except each other. The plot reaches a point where they both realize that even having “everything” isn’t enough.
“Stop staring at my mouth.”
“I was thinking.” Jaejoong’s lying, because somewhere along the way staring at things like the tiny mole on top of Junsu’s lip started to feel natural.
“About kissing me?”
Junsu’s right. He really can guess. “You’re not a proofreading muse. You’re doing what all the great muses in history have done.” Jaejoong pauses, squeezing his arms around Junsu’s waist. “You’re an extension of the artist himself.”
“Like an arm, or something weirder?”
- - -
The cast decided to go out after going over the latest scripts to show Jaejoong their usual post-show spot, a ritual to welcome him officially onto the team. Jaejoong fits in seamlessly at this point, taking multiple rounds of celebratory shots as everyone rotates tables.
“Hey, that walkthrough with the team went really well today.” Junsu bumps shoulders with Jaejoong to get his attention when the energy of the night starts to die down. Other people are starting to say some goodbyes, and he reaches for his car keys, planning to do the same. “Expect to be here after opening night.”
Jaejoong buries his nose into Junsu’s neck, laughing and only leaning in closer when Junsu shoots up straight in his seat. “You smell like fresh towels.”
“I guess because I shower twice a day if we have rehearsal.”
“No, I don’t think that’s it. Even when you sweat it’s like this,” he says, rubbing his nose in.
Junsu glances around the room and notices no one is necessarily paying attention to the two of them. Even if they did, he guesses they wouldn’t make a big deal of it - introducing Jaejoong as someone who he was being a muse for was weird enough.
Jaejoong reaches for his hand now and he stays still, watching him.
“You’re even touchier when you drink.”
Jaejoong grins like a cat. “Even touchier?”
“You’re really affectionate.”
“Do you hate that?” Jaejoong asks, not that he gives Junsu a chance to answer before he licks his neck.
“Hyung. Seriously.”
“Do you?”
Junsu bites his lip and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Please, I’m not a saint,” is all he says and squeezes the hand Jaejoong is still holding.
Jaejoong blinks hard and looks down at their hands, trying hard to focus on the feeling of Junsu squeezing and sober up. “Wait, what?”
Junsu bites his lip and doesn’t repeat himself, breathing out and he relaxes his hold. “Just be good.”
Jaejoong does the opposite and licks his neck again, sending that same shiver up his spine. “Still not used to it, huh?”
“It’s only the second time you’ve done it.”
“Should I keep going until you’re used to it then?”
Junsu pulls away to stand, bringing Jaejoong with him. “Should I take you home? I’m okay to drive.”
“Your home?”
“Yours!”
“Why not yours? I have a roommate. He’s the worst.”
“I know your roommate.”
“Then you know.” Jaejoong hugs him around the waist, breathing in more of his scent before he looks up. “Please? We can write some more.”
Junsu doubts it, but at that moment he’ll do anything for a change of scenery. He reaches down and pets Jaejoong’s hair, giving in. “Okay, let’s go.”
Jaejoong watches him drive the whole way, the alternating glow and dim of the passing streetlights making Junsu look like a stop motion animation. He thinks about how he could write a story about just that, a man frozen in light, who can only move at night when shadows release him.
“You’re staring. What is it?”
“You’re sexy when you drive,” he blurts, earning another laugh from Junsu. “I just got another story idea.”
Junsu can’t tell if Jaejoong’s just saying it to say it, but he has to cut the tension. “Wow I’m so good at this muse thing.”
Jaejoong hums, finally peeling his gaze away and leaning back against his headrest. “You really are.”
Jaejoong tries his best to describe his idea while Junsu gets an extra blanket from his bedroom, only realizing he’s probably rambling when Junsu sits down by his feet and starts tucking him in. He digs his toes under Junsu’s lap. “You’re warm. Couch is cold.”
Junsu sighs, covering Jaejoong’s feet with the blanket too.
“What did you mean by you’re not a saint?”
Junsu’s hands pause as he glances back up at Jaejoong, avoiding eye contact. “Exactly what it means.”
Jaejoong uses the couch cushions to pull himself up, leaning against Junsu. “I’m not drunk.”
He can’t tell if the sound that comes from Junsu is a groan or a laugh. “You are so drunk.”
“I’m tipsy. And happy. And I want to kiss you.” He wraps his arms around Junsu, squeezing when he feels him stiffen up again. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“I can’t tell how drunk you are, and I’d be taking advantage.”
The words sink in and the alcohol is not helping Jaejoong decode Junsu’s usual double, triple coded way of speaking. “Just kissing.”
Junsu smirks at him in a way that makes his stomach flip. “You’re trying to make me one of those muses, huh?”
Jaejoong wants to stop decoding and stop answering questions. He leans in to kiss him instead, taking it slow, in case Junsu wants him to stop. When Junsu’s lips push back he doesn’t bother holding back anymore. “I want to learn how you like to kiss. So I’ll write about that too.”
- - -
Jaejoong wakes up, blinking slowly and adjusting to the light flooding into Junsu’s bedroom. He reaches for his phone to check the time, nearly shooting up when he sees an email.
Junsu stretches out of his sleep next to him, curling up closer to him. “What is it?”
“An old screenplay I submitted. It’s getting picked up.”