(no subject)
last night was....interesting, to say the least i guess. my shoulder hurts from spooning with molly all night on the same side and now my hips are hurting. but anyways.
i got really high really fast. i don't even know how. well, i know how but yeah. i got all phylisophical and shit. i wouldn't stop talking. i had something to say to everything. i was thinking, god if i was with that someone right now i'd be having a deep conversation about the afterlife and how there's nothing to live for so you might as well live for the fucking moment. and he'd be going on and on and on about nothing but his theories. and i'd be miserable. and i'd be thinking i don't care about this, what about me? i'm miserable. but it could be worse. i could be with someone else. we'd be talking about how his life sucks. about how his family hates him. about how all he wants to do is escape and no one knows what it's like. except me. because i'm the only one who he can talk to. and i'd be the one who was miserable. i'd be the one that was too distant. everything would be my fault. because you could always seem to blame yourself for everything except what happened to us. i'd think how obvious it was. everything seemed so innocent but you obviously weren't. but none of that matters. all that matters is that i was there with you. and we can talk, or not, or you could listen to me go on and on about nothing special and laugh like i was being funny. it wouldn't make a fucking difference what we were doing. and i would be happy. honestly and genuinely happy. and everything else would be so far from what was on my mind. it would be just us. exactly how it should be.
i got really high really fast. i don't even know how. well, i know how but yeah. i got all phylisophical and shit. i wouldn't stop talking. i had something to say to everything. i was thinking, god if i was with that someone right now i'd be having a deep conversation about the afterlife and how there's nothing to live for so you might as well live for the fucking moment. and he'd be going on and on and on about nothing but his theories. and i'd be miserable. and i'd be thinking i don't care about this, what about me? i'm miserable. but it could be worse. i could be with someone else. we'd be talking about how his life sucks. about how his family hates him. about how all he wants to do is escape and no one knows what it's like. except me. because i'm the only one who he can talk to. and i'd be the one who was miserable. i'd be the one that was too distant. everything would be my fault. because you could always seem to blame yourself for everything except what happened to us. i'd think how obvious it was. everything seemed so innocent but you obviously weren't. but none of that matters. all that matters is that i was there with you. and we can talk, or not, or you could listen to me go on and on about nothing special and laugh like i was being funny. it wouldn't make a fucking difference what we were doing. and i would be happy. honestly and genuinely happy. and everything else would be so far from what was on my mind. it would be just us. exactly how it should be.