The Last Breath of My Heart [One-shot]
Rating: PG
Author: x_trademistakes
Pairings: Ryan/Brendon
POV: 1st, Brendon's
Summary: Songfic, Brendon is in love with a guy he's been stalking in the train station for 3 weeks and when he thinks he'd never talk to him, his destiny changes.
Disclaimer: This never happened, it's just fiction. I don't own anything neither of the characters or the song.
Author's Note: This is a One-shot based on a spanish song called ''Jueves'' by La Oreja de Van Gogh. It's my first Ryden one-shot so I hope you'll like it :)
The Last Breath of My Heart
One-Shot
Thursday
Many may wonder what the hell Brendon Urie is doing in the subway station at 6 am when my work starts at 8:00 and in the opposite direction that I will take. Well, maybe only my closest friends would ask that question ... if they know where I am.
The cold wind freezes my face and my hands. Luckily I'm wearing a black leather jacket I bought a few days at the center, the jacket I bought while thinking of you, wondering if you'd like it. Yes, I bought it for you. I bought it because I thought you’d notice me for the first time in the 3 weeks I've been stalk... seeing you in the train every morning.
I'm not a stalker; I have only a slight obsession with you.
The train stops with my heart because you are not already here, which is rare in you. You are very punctual, or at least you are when you take the train. I hear the noise of the train stopping and the doors being opened. A bunch of people leaves the coach and I enter to it along with the rest of the people around me where you should be too.
I sit by the window and sigh resignedly until my eyes meet your figure, running as fast as you can to take the train.
I smile; you look so cute in those jeans, converse and gray jacket. With your brown hair in that particular style: long on your eyes, short in the middle, do not even know how to describe it.
You come in with bated breath and, Oh God; you sit in front of me.
Why do I have to be such a coward? Why I cannot just cross the car and asks you who you are? Though, I have an answer to that question. Your name begins with R, I do not know your last name - and therefore I should not be considered a stalker- you have a name so ... so beautiful.
"Ryan"
Wait, I said out loud?
Shit.
And before I can have a panic attack, I see you in front of me, your head resting on the glass, eyes closed.
You look so adorable when you sleep.
You open your eyes and I turn my gaze to my hands, I feel your eyes on me and I refuse to not see you in the eyes, but failed in my desperate attempt not to see those hazel eyes that fill my dreams.
So I do, then, I look at you.
You give me a smile and sigh, I close my eyes and a party breaks out inside me.
You smiled at me.
I look at you again, but you've looked away and I curse myself about 1000 times for breaking that beautiful eye contact that I thought we’d never have. It's funny, I bet you have no idea that you're the reason I'm taking this train. Bet you don’t know I'm watching every one of your delicate movements. Bet you don’t know that your voice could be my lullaby.
But I wish you’d know.
We stop at another station and people with different stories and lives leave the train while others enter. So many people going up and down this train, and the one that catches my attention is you and feel I can’t take my eyes off your beautiful face but I do not want to sound and look like a stalker.
I wonder if the people have realized I kinda stalk you. Or at least if the same people who get on this train and drop it along with us has. Three weeks witnessing the spectacle of "How Brendon Urie acts awkwardly when his crush is near (His name is Ryan) ... that would work for a song by Fall Out Boy.
You pass your hand through your brown hair and I can’t do more but admire your long slender fingers while you yawn against the window. I can’t help giggling when I see you.
You see me…again.
Two times in a Day? Holy Mother
And you are laughing too! (It can’t be true, I must be dreaming but please do not wake me up)
"Sorry, I'm a bit tired"
Your voice, your beautiful voice ...speaking to me.
"Why do you apologize?" I ask a little confused and I still can’t believe I'm talking to you.
"I don’t know, I felt I should do it" you smile at me.
"I'm Brendon"
Why did I say my name?! Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!
"Ryan" you say offering me your hand, smiling and I take it quickly so you don’t notice mine is shaking.
"You didn’t sleep last night?" - I ask, hoping you don’t notice the thread of concern in my voice.
"I did, but I was watching a Billy Joel concert on TV" you laugh a little and I laugh with you, feeling how my heart melts slowly to the simple fact that you laugh ... with me.
You laughed while you had a little conversation…WITH ME.
I look like a fangirl.
Plus, Bécquer was right about the swallows.
Are you sure I'm not dreaming?
"How long have you been taking this train for?” you now ask me and you get me out of my thoughts.
"Three weeks" I reply a bit surprise by your question.
"Me too" you say "You know I’ve always wanted to talk to you, you seem interesting...”
Wait…
…What?!
God bless this Thursday, March 11.
But before I can reply to you, a thunderous sound echoes in the walls of the wagon and freezes the time.
Screams.
Blows.
Darkness.
Did we just enter a tunnel or...?
"Brendon" you say and I see you lying beside me, and that's when I realize we're not sitting face to face, but lying next to each other ... on the floor.
I feel a sharp pain in my head and touch the back of it with my right hand to meet a viscous liquid slipping through my fingers.
Blood.
"Ryan" I manage to say stuttering.
"I don’t know you at all, Brendon. But I missed you”
You light up our faces with the screen of your cell phone and I look into your eyes, you smile at me sadly and I return the gesture.
I‘ve always wondered how I will die, when will it happen and how it will feel. I’ve always wondered if it was true that people know they will die a bit before it happens, I’ve wondered how they could know.
Now I understand.
This is the end.
People are finally starting to calm down but nothing matters but you.
"You're the reason I’m going to die today Ryan" I laugh a little and I see the tears running down our cheeks "Every day I reject the express of the 7 and a half just to see you every morning." I pause and then smile "I'm your sweet stalker”
You laugh and you see me with tenderness "But I thought I was the stalker"
"Since I saw you at the station that February day, I knew I had to know you, I knew I had to talk to you. I continued taking this train because I knew someday I would be able to know your name, I knew that someday he would be able to hear your voice, your laugh... " you tell me wth tears in your eyes and desperation in your voice.
"Ryan"-I sigh and take your face in my hands, I finally work up the courage and I kiss you on the lips as I do in the dreams I have every night since the first time we took this train.
"I love you, Brendon" you smile and press your forehead against mine. Our noses brushing with each other and our cheeks wet with salty tears. The cold air overtakes the environment and that’s when I decide to give you the last breath of my heart.
"I love you, Ryan" I manage to say and kiss you softly one last time.
**
"Thursday is a love story which we would never have wanted to write. It's a special song, perhaps the most unique we've ever written. It arises from the need to highlight each of the little big stories that too often end up eclipsing statistics. For once and for just five minutes of music, that March 11, 2004 again becomes simply 'Thursday'. "-LOVG
**
Author's Final Notes: ''Jueves'' is a song dedicated to the victims of the attacks of March 11, 2004 on commuter trains in Madrid (Spain) based on a true story. 192 people died that day.
HERE you can listen to the song in HD and THIS has english subtitles :D Plus, the Becquer's poem Brendon mentions --and which is also appears in the song-- is this ONE. It's beautiful :)