senior pictures....
really sucked.
they rushed me so much.
I didnt remember everything I had with each outfit.
I couldnt get my lip ring out for my cap and gown.
My eyes are swollen from me rubbing them so much for my allergies...
I forgot my lip stick.
Worst of all, I'm not going to like them
and will need to do them again.
I had 3 hours of sleep.
I have yearbook, church, and soccer practice today.
My boyfriend said some awfully mean things to me last night
I'm going to try and forget because we were BOTH tired.
He can call me first though. No cute messege this morning.
My best friend lied to me & tried to break me and mike up,
& every one else seems to just like to stab me in the back somehow.
Then you wonder why I don't have patience with people.
My mom was hovering over me all day
because she knew I was upset last night.
I'd really like my own space sometimes
I keep freaking out,
I'm too tired to deal with people.
My grandmother is on my back constantly about everything in my life
and how she'd rather the long blonde haired girl
who was so " independent " and blah blah blah.
She's too focused on my outward appearances
rather than how I actually am.
How I love catholics.
I seem to find myself going against everyone I know for Mike.
I'm hoping he's really worth this kind of dedication
and thinks I am too.
I keep yelling. I don't want to. I keep crying. I don't know why.
Maybe I'm just that kind of emo little fuck that I hate.
Maybe thats why I hate myself.
I want to leave Mike alone ..
I want to I want to I want to.
So when I know when something will cause problems
why don't I stop?
I don't care if Mike goes out ..
why the hell was I freaking?
Now he thinks I'm just an up his ass bitch
who really doesn't want to be in the relationship.
Great. I screw everything up... all the time
I really do.
Daryl managed to calm me down last night.
I don't even know if he really understood my blabbering
but it helped me alot.
I really am starting to believe that I'm psychotic.
I don't think being with my mom helps.
She likes to add fuel to the fire. I hate that.
I'd rather people listen
not tell me what to do and have THEM do something about it.
I sort out my problems by talking to people.
Talking to people helps me straighten them out in my own head
I don't always take your advice. Thanks anyway.
People never hear the good things.
Those good things are things I keep close to me.
I'm sure people wouldn't want to hear how Mike and I talked last night
and hugged and kissed and just watched TV together.
I'm still with him, he's still with me.
There must be a reason, understand that.
I L O V E him.
I don't give a flying fuck that I'm 17.
I know relationships are work and its one thing worth working at
but only if he's willing to work at it too.
I hate bringing up the past.
I have self-control with substances.
I need self-control with bad memories.
I need to forget them.
Leave the past where it lays... the past.
I need to look to the future.
I need to take care of school.
Mike needs to understand that high school can be hard for me.
It's not college,
it's not where HE is ..
but I can still have problems.
I hope Mike understands
I'm trying. I really am.
It may not be much improvement
but its my best, honest.
I'm not perfect, not even close.
I'm not sure I'm so interested in art anymore.
It's frustrating. I keep giving up.
Psychology really seems to have me interested.
Maybe.
I really think I'm going to work at a McDonald's my whole life.
At this rate, I probably am.
I hate my mentality.
I should buy a new one.
Sometimes my happiness is fake.
Sometimes I'm upset for no reason.
Don't ask me why.
I really can't stand school for the people.
Take AP English IV.. I really want to learn.
No one else does. That sucks for me.
School lunches really bite, they make me sick EVERY day.
I feel kind of better blurting this out.
But I should go, I want to lay down before school. Bye
Love,
Rachel
they rushed me so much.
I didnt remember everything I had with each outfit.
I couldnt get my lip ring out for my cap and gown.
My eyes are swollen from me rubbing them so much for my allergies...
I forgot my lip stick.
Worst of all, I'm not going to like them
and will need to do them again.
I had 3 hours of sleep.
I have yearbook, church, and soccer practice today.
My boyfriend said some awfully mean things to me last night
I'm going to try and forget because we were BOTH tired.
He can call me first though. No cute messege this morning.
My best friend lied to me & tried to break me and mike up,
& every one else seems to just like to stab me in the back somehow.
Then you wonder why I don't have patience with people.
My mom was hovering over me all day
because she knew I was upset last night.
I'd really like my own space sometimes
I keep freaking out,
I'm too tired to deal with people.
My grandmother is on my back constantly about everything in my life
and how she'd rather the long blonde haired girl
who was so " independent " and blah blah blah.
She's too focused on my outward appearances
rather than how I actually am.
How I love catholics.
I seem to find myself going against everyone I know for Mike.
I'm hoping he's really worth this kind of dedication
and thinks I am too.
I keep yelling. I don't want to. I keep crying. I don't know why.
Maybe I'm just that kind of emo little fuck that I hate.
Maybe thats why I hate myself.
I want to leave Mike alone ..
I want to I want to I want to.
So when I know when something will cause problems
why don't I stop?
I don't care if Mike goes out ..
why the hell was I freaking?
Now he thinks I'm just an up his ass bitch
who really doesn't want to be in the relationship.
Great. I screw everything up... all the time
I really do.
Daryl managed to calm me down last night.
I don't even know if he really understood my blabbering
but it helped me alot.
I really am starting to believe that I'm psychotic.
I don't think being with my mom helps.
She likes to add fuel to the fire. I hate that.
I'd rather people listen
not tell me what to do and have THEM do something about it.
I sort out my problems by talking to people.
Talking to people helps me straighten them out in my own head
I don't always take your advice. Thanks anyway.
People never hear the good things.
Those good things are things I keep close to me.
I'm sure people wouldn't want to hear how Mike and I talked last night
and hugged and kissed and just watched TV together.
I'm still with him, he's still with me.
There must be a reason, understand that.
I L O V E him.
I don't give a flying fuck that I'm 17.
I know relationships are work and its one thing worth working at
but only if he's willing to work at it too.
I hate bringing up the past.
I have self-control with substances.
I need self-control with bad memories.
I need to forget them.
Leave the past where it lays... the past.
I need to look to the future.
I need to take care of school.
Mike needs to understand that high school can be hard for me.
It's not college,
it's not where HE is ..
but I can still have problems.
I hope Mike understands
I'm trying. I really am.
It may not be much improvement
but its my best, honest.
I'm not perfect, not even close.
I'm not sure I'm so interested in art anymore.
It's frustrating. I keep giving up.
Psychology really seems to have me interested.
Maybe.
I really think I'm going to work at a McDonald's my whole life.
At this rate, I probably am.
I hate my mentality.
I should buy a new one.
Sometimes my happiness is fake.
Sometimes I'm upset for no reason.
Don't ask me why.
I really can't stand school for the people.
Take AP English IV.. I really want to learn.
No one else does. That sucks for me.
School lunches really bite, they make me sick EVERY day.
I feel kind of better blurting this out.
But I should go, I want to lay down before school. Bye
Love,
Rachel