not a day goes by.
I cried last night. Cried a lot. After a while i couldn't even feel the tears running down my face but only the feeling of them falling into my hands. When my face was numb thats when i decided it might be a good idea to go to bed. I laid down and the tears rushed down again. I started making a list of all the reason i wasn't good for you... that she was better. It ended up being more like lists not a list. It went all the way from having blue eyes, to always sleeping late, to being stupid, and a whole bunch of other things that probably had nothign to do with anything. I listened to our song. I think thats when it really hit me, there was no us anymore. Thats what really hurt. I thought my crying was bad before, hah, i was wrong. I cried through the whole song and then after. I took my phone, went to delete your number from my phone book but i couldn't bring myself to do it through tear filled eyes. I could barely see the screen anyways. I put everything away and laid down, didn't want distractions just wanted to go to sleep. It didn't work, i cried and cried and cried until i finally fell asleep. Couldnt tell you what time. I woke up and called a friend. I tried to tell her i wasn't crying, to bad she knows me too well. We talked and i finally came to a concluision. One that made me cry harder. I fucked up, and i lost the only real thing in my life. I have to live with that now, and i haven't exactly figured out how. I don't hate you, i love you, i hate myself for loosing the one person that lovedd me that way back. I want him to know i love him, and when/if he's ready i always will be.