I need to get this all out somewhere where nobody goes anymore...
So here's me reverting back to my old Livejournal account.
Does that mean I'm getting emo again?
God I hope not.
I've got a pretty good life at the moment anyways,
So there's no reason to be all "omg everything sucks."
Things aren't perfect, though.
I'm pretty sure Megan's pissed at me.
I can't really blame her.
Like usual, I was a conflict-avoiding dumbass.
*sigh* Life happens, and I'm just gonna roll with it the best way I can.
I think I'm gonna start looking for a new job soon.
Like, this week soon.
I'm getting sick of Zap Zone, and all the bullshit.
Its just not worth it anymore...
A part of my mind contemplates whether or not getting a new job will "sever ties" with people.
My life is changing dramatically
And I like where its going.
Some people may not possibly stay along for the ride.
I've lost friends before, its nothing new to me.
While I really don't want to lose anything I've already built,
I can't keep clinging onto everyone and putting my life on hold.
Drastic change has always scared me.
It's still hard for me to believe I'm in college.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning expecting to be at home
And be preparing for classes back at Harrison.
I kinda feel like people are trying to hold me back.
Almost like they don't want me to become more immersed in college life.
Perhaps they feel that more I delve into EMU,
The less I'll be involved at HHS.
That's not the case at all.
At least I want to try my best for it not to be...
I'm sitting here outside of Starkweather Hall.
Listening to music, with the soft splashes of the fountain in the background.
The atmosphere is so peaceful...
If only I were too...
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to worry about everyone else.
Sometimes I do just want to tell everyone to fuck off and sever every single tie I've got.
But I'm not that kind of person... at least not in the open.
All this "people pleasing" is going to kill me one day.
I know this, yet when I try to end it...
People assume I'm being big headed and selfish.
Honestly, I really don't have an ego.
If I come off like that to people, I'd hope they'd tell me.
That's something I never want to end up as.
And as far as the selfishness...
I believe to some degree it's necessary.
If I'm not selfish I'm going to be a doormat.
Then again, if I'm too selfish I'll run off every friendship I've built.
Life is too damn confusing.
Why can't things always be like kindergarten?
Just solve things by playing eenie meennie minnie moe.
Sometimes I'll find myself doing that... heh.
I really don't know what the future has in store for me.
I can make some basic plans,
But life has a mind of its own.
All that there is to do is prepare as best as I can.
While I love all of my memories from the past,
I can't sit around wishing for things to fall back into the way they were.
There's no rewind button on the film of life.
The only button that works is the 'record' button.
No going back and erasing, no writing over old scenes.
I learn from the past.
I cherish the lessons that it's given me.
I really don't want to lose the people who have made those memories with me.
But sometimes... it becomes necessary...
*sigh* I'm gonna go over to Hoyt to meet up with all the D&D dorks.
One of them being Ryan.
Yaaays.
I don't know if Ryan knows how much he means to me.
It's not a lie when I say this is the best relationship I've ever had.
Hell I'm still pinching myself to remind myself that this IS real.
At least one part of my life is amazing..
I guess it compensates for the shit going on elsewhere.
Carpe diem...
Seize the moment...
I'm in college.
It's time for me to capture my opportunities and make the most of them.
...and when a window opens a door has to close...
< 3
Does that mean I'm getting emo again?
God I hope not.
I've got a pretty good life at the moment anyways,
So there's no reason to be all "omg everything sucks."
Things aren't perfect, though.
I'm pretty sure Megan's pissed at me.
I can't really blame her.
Like usual, I was a conflict-avoiding dumbass.
*sigh* Life happens, and I'm just gonna roll with it the best way I can.
I think I'm gonna start looking for a new job soon.
Like, this week soon.
I'm getting sick of Zap Zone, and all the bullshit.
Its just not worth it anymore...
A part of my mind contemplates whether or not getting a new job will "sever ties" with people.
My life is changing dramatically
And I like where its going.
Some people may not possibly stay along for the ride.
I've lost friends before, its nothing new to me.
While I really don't want to lose anything I've already built,
I can't keep clinging onto everyone and putting my life on hold.
Drastic change has always scared me.
It's still hard for me to believe I'm in college.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning expecting to be at home
And be preparing for classes back at Harrison.
I kinda feel like people are trying to hold me back.
Almost like they don't want me to become more immersed in college life.
Perhaps they feel that more I delve into EMU,
The less I'll be involved at HHS.
That's not the case at all.
At least I want to try my best for it not to be...
I'm sitting here outside of Starkweather Hall.
Listening to music, with the soft splashes of the fountain in the background.
The atmosphere is so peaceful...
If only I were too...
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to worry about everyone else.
Sometimes I do just want to tell everyone to fuck off and sever every single tie I've got.
But I'm not that kind of person... at least not in the open.
All this "people pleasing" is going to kill me one day.
I know this, yet when I try to end it...
People assume I'm being big headed and selfish.
Honestly, I really don't have an ego.
If I come off like that to people, I'd hope they'd tell me.
That's something I never want to end up as.
And as far as the selfishness...
I believe to some degree it's necessary.
If I'm not selfish I'm going to be a doormat.
Then again, if I'm too selfish I'll run off every friendship I've built.
Life is too damn confusing.
Why can't things always be like kindergarten?
Just solve things by playing eenie meennie minnie moe.
Sometimes I'll find myself doing that... heh.
I really don't know what the future has in store for me.
I can make some basic plans,
But life has a mind of its own.
All that there is to do is prepare as best as I can.
While I love all of my memories from the past,
I can't sit around wishing for things to fall back into the way they were.
There's no rewind button on the film of life.
The only button that works is the 'record' button.
No going back and erasing, no writing over old scenes.
I learn from the past.
I cherish the lessons that it's given me.
I really don't want to lose the people who have made those memories with me.
But sometimes... it becomes necessary...
*sigh* I'm gonna go over to Hoyt to meet up with all the D&D dorks.
One of them being Ryan.
Yaaays.
I don't know if Ryan knows how much he means to me.
It's not a lie when I say this is the best relationship I've ever had.
Hell I'm still pinching myself to remind myself that this IS real.
At least one part of my life is amazing..
I guess it compensates for the shit going on elsewhere.
Carpe diem...
Seize the moment...
I'm in college.
It's time for me to capture my opportunities and make the most of them.
...and when a window opens a door has to close...
< 3