the stars are crying (for what we could have had) (2/13)
Title: the stars are crying (for what we could have had) (2/13)
Fandom: Merlin
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Morgana, any and all other characters
Word Count: 6,726
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff, because if I did ArMor would be canon.
Spoilers: Vague spoilers for all of Merlin series 3
Summary: (The sequel to "you and i are a story that never gets told") This is season 3, the way it should've been. Arthur has lost Morgana, and he is struggling to move on without her. Morgana is learning to master her powers with the help of her sister, but she can't stay away from Camelot forever... Once you set things into motion, everything can change.
Author's Notes: I can't write AG scenes guys, they turn out so shit. Blech. Also, Morgana isn't completely off the bad girl path yet...
Previous Installment: you and i are a story that never gets told
Previous Chapters: Prologue
---
After listening to Morgause’s new and carefully formulated plan to take down Uther, Morgana agreed to go back to Camelot. She didn’t want to be near anyone in that city ever again, but her presence inside the walls was pivotal for the plan to work. Morgause needed someone on the inside, and who better than Camelot’s prodigal daughter?
Morgana took with her a mandrake root, which would be used to poison Uther’s mind. The plan was simple, to discredit Uther as a king by making him go mad. No one would support a king with an addled mind, and finally Morgana and everyone else would be free of his rule.
Morgause kept the next stages of her plan a secret, but Morgana knew that her sister had been consorting with Cenred, and they were undoubtedly concocting some sort of takeover. Usually this would worry Morgana, but she couldn’t find it in her to care about anyone in Camelot anymore. Morgause could do with them as she wished.
Morgana rode back to the city the next day, her head held high. She dumped her ruined clothes out in the hall, leaving them for a maid to collect. She wouldn’t dare summon Gwen, not after what she had witnessed. She would make do on her own; she had been doing it for a year, after all.
Once she had an opportunity, she placed the mandrake root in Uther’s room, and set the plan into motion. They had no idea the enemy they had created in her, but they soon would regret it.
---
Merlin had just finished cleaning the floors when Arthur stormed into his room, looking distressed. The prince roughly tugged his shirt over his head and kicked his boots off, sending them flying across the room.
“Something wrong, sire?” Merlin asked.
“Morgana,” he mumbled.
Merlin rolled his eyes. He should’ve guessed. “What happened?”
“She’s gone, Merlin. She saw…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “She left, again.” He sighed.
“Um, Arthur?” Merlin interjected, but he was ignored.
Arthur continued on talking as he paced around the room. “I’ll have to send out a search party to appease my father, but I doubt we’ll find her.”
“Arthur,” Merlin tried again.
“If she would just listen to me, but no, she has to run away. Always running,” he grumbled, completely oblivious to Merlin’s attempts to get his attention.
Unable to stand it any longer, Merlin yelled, “Arthur!”
Arthur snapped his focus down to his manservant, annoyed at being interrupted. “What?”
Resisting the urge to hit Arthur over the back of the head, Merlin explained, “Morgana’s still here. I only saw her a few moments ago, out in the hall.”
Arthur blinked several times, processing the information. “Oh.”
“I guess she decided that she wanted to stay after all.”
Arthur let out a groan and covered his face with his hands. “That damn woman is going to drive me insane.”
---
Over the next few days, Morgana avoided Arthur like the plague. Thankfully, the mandrake root did its work quickly, and Uther’s sickness kept Arthur distracted. The plan was working perfectly, Uther was steadily losing his mind, and in turn his people were losing their faith in him. The mandrake’s poison displayed as a completely normal illness, so no one suspected foul play, which meant that Morgana was safe for now. She wasn’t free of Gwen’s guilt-riddled glances and Arthur’s lingering glares, however.
Arthur had only tried to talk to her once, but Morgana blew out her candles and pretended to be asleep, refusing to let him in her room. He banged on her door for ten minutes before collapsing to the floor, resting against the wall. Merlin found him there hours later and carried him to his room, but Morgana didn’t know that detail.
After allowing Uther to deteriorate for a few days, Morgana went to meet her sister to learn the next stage of the plan. They met out in the woods, hidden away from the prying eyes of anyone in Camelot.
“Sister,” Morgause greeted, a smile on her lips.
Morgana tried to return the smile, but she no longer found much joy in anything, her heart was too hardened.
Morgause noticed the cold reception, but she didn’t comment. Morgana may be hurting now, but soon she would have everything she ever wanted, and all would be fine. “I take it things have gone well?”
Morgana nodded. “Camelot will soon find itself without a ruler. Uther is no longer fit to rule a kingdom, and the people have taken notice.”
With a smirk, Morgause commented, “As has Cenred. I have nearly convinced him and his army to march on Camelot.”
It didn’t come as much of a surprise, but strangely, Morgana still felt a pang in her chest upon hearing the words. “Good,” she murmured, the word cracking in her throat.
“You don’t sound pleased.”
Morgana shook her head, clamping down on the emotions she felt resurging in her chest. “No. This is what I want. You can burn the city to the ground.”
Cocking her head, Morgause asked, “And what of Arthur?”
Hearing his name reminded her of the raw wound she was trying so hard to ignore. Biting down on the inside of her cheek, she breathed in through her nose and calmed her nerves. “He is not the man I thought. He will do no better on the throne than his father.”
Morgause looked pleased; she had finally convinced Morgana to completely let go of her old life. “I’m glad you’ve seen reason, Morgana. Meet me here in three days time, by then Cenred’s army will be ready to march on Camelot.”
Morgana nodded stiffly in acceptance. She stood frozen in place as her sister placed a kiss on her cheek before leaving. Shutting her eyes for a moment, she breathed in the cool forest air and tried to force herself to believe that this was the right decision.
She returned to the castle later that night, unaware of the pair of eyes watching her from the dark.
---
Arthur was dealing with so many things in his life, he felt like he was being ripped in a million different directions. It had been hard enough dealing with the eruption of feelings that had threatened to drown him when he saw Morgana again, but now with his father sick, he was losing his grip completely. The tides were sucking him under, and he had nothing to keep him afloat.
Guinevere had tried to comfort him, but she was reserved, distant every since Morgana returned. He knew that she was worried, and feeling guilty, and he couldn’t fault her for that. But Morgana had chosen to leave him a long time ago; he couldn’t lose Guinevere as well. Not when his whole world was coming apart.
The worst part of his father getting sick wasn’t even the crushing weight of responsibility falling on his shoulders, not entirely, and that’s what made it all so confusing. The worst part was that he had to do it alone. The last time he had imagined himself on the throne as king, it was with Morgana by his side. He didn’t want to admit it, especially not after everything that had happened between them, but he needed her with him. He craved her presence, her words of wisdom. Before, she would’ve had some brilliant advice and encouraged him with a sly smile, but not anymore. She had completely shut him out, and while he thought that he could handle it, it was like a knife in the gut. His heart throbbed every time he saw her, and it was driving him mad. He didn’t want her here, but he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving. He didn’t know what to do.
Still stuck in his turbulent thoughts, he went to visit his father again. As he entered the room, he caught Morgana standing above Uther’s bed. His mouth fell open, and he gaped like a fish for a second.
His entrance startled her, and she turned to glare at him. She didn’t like being caught, but knew how to hide her secrets well.
Arthur stood there in shock for a moment before getting his mouth to work again. “I didn’t think I’d see you in here.”
Morgana rolled her eyes. “I am allowed to visit my guardian, am I not?” Truthfully, she had only come in to replace the mandrake root under the bed, but Arthur couldn’t know that.
Arthur’s lips turned down into a frown. Unaware of her ulterior motives, he assumed that Morgana was only here to gloat over his father’s illness. Trying to put aside his frustration, he took the opportunity to finally speak to her. “Morgana, we should talk.”
With a huff, she sneered, “There’s nothing to talk about, Arthur.”
“You don’t have the whole story,” he tried. It was taking all he had to keep his tone even as he spoke, the urge to yell was overwhelming.
“You moved on, Arthur. I get it. To you, I was cold in the ground, so why not jump on my maid?” Her hands were starting to shake, and she wanted to escape. Escape this room, this conversation, escape his knowing blue eyes.
Through gritted teeth, he countered, “It wasn’t like that.”
“It doesn’t matter, Arthur.” She headed for the door, hoping that he would move out of her way so she could leave.
His temper was flaring, and he grabbed her by the arm as she tried to walk past. “It does matter,” he fumed. “Losing you almost killed me; you don’t get to judge me for what happened after. You weren’t here.”
She yanked her arm out of his grip, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a hard line. “And you think that staying away was easy for me?”
“That was your choice!” he snapped. “You made that decision, not me.”
“Just like you decided to go after Gwen,” she replied angrily. Unable to help herself, she added, “Really, Arthur, of all the women…” She could feel her fingernails cutting into her palm as she clenched her fist.
“At least I can trust her,” he retorted. He could barely hear his own voice; his ears were ringing so loudly from the force of his anger.
Morgana scoffed. If he wanted to play house with her maid, that was fine. She wouldn’t stop him. “Well, I hope you two will be very happy together.” She forcefully shoved at his shoulder, pushing him to the side. Without looking back, she left the room, immediately joining a crowd of people in the hall to help her escape.
Arthur half collapsed into the chair by his father’s bed, feeling hopeless and empty again as the anger drained away.
---
After the three days had passed, Morgana went out to meet her sister again. As she left the palace, she could feel that someone was tailing her, but she was waiting for the perfect moment to confront them.
She entered the clearing in the woods and found Morgause and some of her Blood Guard dismounting from their horses.
Morgana greeted her sister with a brief embrace. “How are things with Cenred?”
“His army is marching on Camelot as we speak. Soon the kingdom will be ours,” Morgause answered.
Forcing a smile, Morgana nodded her head. “They will find no resistance there. Uther is no threat to anyone this way.”
Morgause grasped Morgana’s hands in her own. “Then everything is in order.”
After a beat, Morgana pulled her hands back. “Not quite. Someone suspects me.”
“Is it Arthur?” Morgause asked. She feared for her sister’s life if Arthur were to know of her treachery.
“No.” Morgana turned to look out into the dark forest. “It is someone else.” Striding across the clearing, she bent over a ridge and stared down into Merlin’s face. “And here he is.”
Merlin jumped up from his hiding space, backing away from Morgana. “Morgana, you cannot do this.”
Morgana laughed at his pathetic plea. “Oh, but I can.”
The Blood Guard advanced on Merlin, starting a chase. The men were too strong and too quick, and they caught Merlin a few yards away. They easily subdued him, knocking him to the ground.
Morgana caught up to the men and kneeled down to look at Merlin. “My quarrel isn’t with you, Merlin. But I cannot let you interfere with this.”
“Morgana, don’t. Please,” he begged.
She mockingly pouted at him, unfazed by his words. “I don’t want to kill you, Merlin. But since I can’t have you following me, either…” She held out a hand and conjured up a long section of enchanted chains. With a flick of her wrist, the chains wound tightly around Merlin’s body.
He squirmed against the chains, but they only got tighter as he moved.
“By the time the enchantment on the chains wears off, Camelot will be relieved of the Pendragon reign. You will be free to practice your magic openly and without fear, Merlin. We all will. You’ll see.” Somewhere deep inside, she knew that she was only seeing what she wanted, but it was the only way she could accept the plan. Casualties were a necessary part of war, whether she liked it or not, and while people would die, so many people would be saved too.
As Morgana stood and walked away, Merlin struggled harder against the chains. “Morgana, please!”
She ignored his cries and mounted her horse. There was a war coming, and she had to get back to Camelot before it started.
---
News of Cenred’s army marching on Camelot spread quickly, and Arthur was forced to make plans. He reluctantly took up the duty of making decisions for the kingdom in his father’s absence. Ideas were mentioned of giving Cenred land or money to appease him, but Arthur refused to back down. He would not look weak; his father wouldn’t have wanted that. So he decided to prepare the city for siege.
They would be going to war.
As he announced the news, Morgana stood off the in corner, a grin slowly spreading on her lips.
---
Luckily for Merlin, Morgana was unaware of his Dragonlord abilities. He was able to summon Kilgharrah to come and save him from the clearing where Morgana had abandoned him. Despite their rocky past, Kilgharrah had no choice but to respond to Merlin’s call. The dragon broke the chains, and even flew Merlin safely back to Camelot.
Once Merlin returned, he immediately went to Gaius and explained what was happening. He knew that Morgana must have done something to Uther, so he and the physician paid a visit to the king.
They found him curled up in a corner, mumbling to himself. Uther didn’t even recognize that anyone else was in the room with him; he was too terrified by his own delusions.
Merlin frantically searched the room for the source of the enchantment. There had to be something here, he felt it.
As Uther fell quiet for a rare moment, Merlin heard a faint dripping sound coming from under the bed. Dropping to his knees, Merlin looked beneath the mattress, finding a dark, oozing root hanging there. He snatched it from where hung and produced it to Gaius.
Gaius seemed to recognize the object, and he nodded. Uther’s cries increased in volume upon seeing the root, and their suspicions were confirmed. Merlin hurled the object into the fireplace, letting the flames destroy it.
The cries that emitted from the dying root were piercing, but they soon slowed and came to a halt. As the root turned to ash, Uther visibly began to relax. Gaius helped up the king, and they put him to bed. He may be free from the hallucinations, but the stress had taken a toll on him, and he would need to rest.
Merlin and Gaius left the king, leaving him to his sleep.
As they walked, Gaius turned to Merlin. “There are some things you need to know, Merlin.”
They discussed the coming war and Arthur’s plans. Merlin knew he couldn’t stop the army, but he still had a chance to stop Morgana, and that’s what he would do.
---
The next day, as the city was readying for war, Morgana walked through the castle, trying to say goodbye to everything she had known before. This was for the best, it had to be. Uther was a tyrant, and he had poisoned his son as well. Magic would never be welcome here, not unless she did something to change things.
She was wrapped up in her thoughts and almost missed the dark haired servant as he walked towards her. Her senses were sharper now that she had been working as a traitor, however, and she whirled around to grab him as he moved past her. “You,” she hissed. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Someone had to stop you,” Merlin quipped.
Morgana grabbed his wrist tightly and dragged him off to the side of the hall, speaking in hushed tones. “Do not get in my way, Merlin.”
Even after being manhandled, he managed a smug smile. “How will Arthur feel when he knows that you have brought this war on his kingdom?”
Her nails bit into his skin as she squeezed his wrist harder. “You forget, Merlin, that I know your darkest secret. You will do well to keep quiet, unless you want to have your head on the spike next to mine.”
His expression softened, some of his cocky demeanor slipping away. He feared her, as he should, but he knew that there was more to her than this. He had seen it. “You trusted me once, Morgana; believe me when I say this isn’t the right decision.”
She roughly released his arm, shoving it back. “Just stay out of my way,” she reiterated, before storming off in the other direction.
---
Morgana soon discovered that Merlin had broken the enchantment on Uther, but it didn’t deter her. She went to see her sister again, hoping for good news.
Morgause met her in the woods again, and she did bear a positive development. “Cenred’s army is less than a day away. They will be there before the next sunset.”
Morgana explained that Merlin had escaped and was a threat, but Morgause was not concerned.
“Do not fret, Morgana. I have a task for you, one that will ensure that even Merlin cannot save Camelot.” Morgause pulled a tall staff out of her cloak and presented it to Morgana.
Morgana stared in awe at its beauty. She could feel the power emanating from it even at a distance.
“It is carved from the Rowan tree that grows at the very heart of the Isle of the Blessed,” Morgause explained.
Morgana felt a wave of nervous energy rush over her. “My magic is still weak; I do not have the strength to wield such an instrument.”
Morgause smiled. “Do not worry, Morgana, the staff carries its own power. It will guide you”
Morgana stared quizzically at the staff. “And what is it that I must do?”
“Cenred’s army alone cannot take the city. We need your help from the inside.”
Her help. Morgana swallowed the lump in her throat. She had set this all into motion; she should’ve known she’d have to get her hands dirty.
“Morgana?” Morgause questioned.
Shaking away the worrying thoughts, Morgana nodded and forced a smile. “I’ll do whatever is necessary.”
---
The whole city was preparing for the battle, gathering supplies and weapons and fortifying the gates. Arthur was in his room, putting on his armor for the upcoming fight. As Merlin helped him to get ready, he heard a knock on the door.
It was strange, for a brief moment, his heart seemed to swell with the hope that it was Morgana on the other side of the door. He hadn’t had that feeling in a long time. He had long since stopped searching for her around every corner, but now he had reason to expect to see her face outside of his dreams, and it was startling to realize how much he had missed feeling this way.
However, it wasn’t Morgana, but Guinevere who opened the door. The yearning ache in his chest was replaced with a comforting warmth upon seeing her face. She walked up to him with a shy smile on her lips. Merlin excused himself and allowed the two of them to have time to talk.
Gwen couldn’t quite meet Arthur’s gaze, her guilt was still flaring every time she caught herself longing for his touch, or for his blue eyes to land upon her face. Settling on looking at his chest instead, she murmured, “I know things have been difficult lately, between us.”
Arthur chuckled low in his chest despite himself. That was an understatement.
“But I do care for you, Arthur, you know that. And I wanted to come and see you, to tell you that, before…” she trailed off.
Arthur placed two fingers under Gwen’s chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that, Arthur,” she chided. She turned her head to the side, pulling away from his fingers.
He let his hand fall to his waist as she moved. “I have faith in Camelot, in our people. We will survive this, Guinevere.”
Gwen smiled sweetly, impressed with his conviction. “You sound like a true king, Arthur. Camelot is in safe hands.”
He smiled in return, even though he wasn’t as confident about his leading the kingdom as she was. “As long as I have you here to remind me of that, everything will be alright.”
Heat crept up in her cheeks, and she looked back down at her hands. After staring intently at her fingernails, she recalled her purpose for coming here and shoved her hand into her pocket. She pulled a scrap of material out and brought it up to show him. “Here. I wanted you to have this.”
Arthur watched as she slowly tied the material around his arm. “Thank you, Guinevere.”
She bowed her head and turned to leave before he could convince her to stay.
Arthur let her go, still staring at the scrap of yellow cotton on his arm.
---
Surprisingly, Gwen came and offered to help Morgana don her armor as well. Gwen knew Morgana better than most, and she had suspected that Morgana would try and join the fight. It was a nice gesture, but Morgana refused and sent the girl away. She asked another servant for their assistance instead. As much as she missed having Gwen there to laugh and talk with, she couldn’t bear to do it now.
She stared out the window as the strange serving girl behind her tightened her armor. She could see all the people from the lower town moving into the city, carrying what few belongings they could manage on their backs. These people didn’t deserve to die, and it hurt to see them like this. But, she reasoned, was it any fairer that she would be put to death for simply having magic? No. These people were unfortunate casualties, but she had no choice. It was her or them.
She heard footsteps behind her, and right after that, felt a sharp tug in her back as the servant stumbled all over herself and yanked something too tight. Morgana rolled her eyes, knowing that only one person could cause a girl to flounder in such a way. She turned to the girl over her shoulder and ordered, “You’re excused.”
The girl ran from the room, nearly tripping over her own feet.
Morgana slowly turned around to face her visitor, a sigh dropping from her lips. “Arthur.”
He studied her carefully before blurting, “You’re not going to fight, Morgana.”
A harsh bark of a laugh echoed through the room as Morgana took in his statement. “I can fight better than most of your men, Arthur.”
“I’m serious, Morgana, you shouldn’t be on the battlefield.”
Morgana noticed that he was clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to maintain control. She scoffed. “You cannot stop me if I want to be there, Arthur.”
He shut his eyes tightly, desperately trying not to scream at her. He opened them slowly, taking a breath. “Please, Morgana.”
She cocked her head, his pleading tone catching her interest.
“I can’t lose you again,” he admitted.
His admission sounded so honest and sincere, and Morgana suddenly wanted nothing more than to make him happy. She sighed and gave in to his request. “Fine. I’ll stay in the castle.” To be honest, she was planning on that anyway, but she had enjoyed pushing his buttons.
Her acquiescence was unexpected, and Arthur grinned at her before he could properly think about it.
For a brief moment, things felt normal again. They were Arthur and Morgana, the way they had always been. Morgana started to return his smile, but a flash of yellow caught her eye, and the corners of her lips immediately dropped. “Don’t you have an army to command?” she inquired in a snarky tone.
His smile vanished. He nodded curtly and turned his back on her, leaving her to fume on her own.
She angrily tugged her cover over her shoulders, suddenly feeling a chill on the air.
---
Cenred’s army reached the city by nightfall, and the fighting began. Morgana watched anxiously from her window, waiting for the right moment to use the staff. As much as she wanted to destroy Uther, she found herself cringing every time she saw a knight getting cut down or a battlement set on fire. This was her city, despite the fact that she no longer felt safe in its walls. Some of these people had been kind, had helped her.
She gripped the edge of the windowsill until her knuckles turned white. She had to keep it together. This was for the greater good.
She let her head fall against the glass and held her breath. It was going to be fine.
---
Arthur and his knights had been thrown into the melee as Cenred’s army covered more ground. They had nearly taken the lower town, gradually pushing towards the citadel. Arthur was doing well fighting them off, killing dozens of men before they could even raise their swords. Yet, they kept coming.
Merlin was out in the square, trying his best to protect Arthur. He attempted to fight in the battle, but there were too many people around for him to use his magic without being detected. He was forced to use a sword instead, which was difficult. He lacked the training and the finesse to sword fight, but he refused to let Arthur fight alone.
As Merlin fought off one of Cenred’s men, he caught a glimpse of long brown hair and a green cloak flying by as someone weaved through the mayhem. He instantly recognized the slender figure and knew that it was Morgana, and that she was up to something. He made one last swipe with his sword at his attacker before running after Morgana, letting the knights handle the rest of the fighting.
Merlin followed her down to the burial chambers below the castle. As Morgana entered the room, she removed her cloak and let it drop to the floor, revealing a wooden staff as she did.
For a moment, Merlin simply watched her, trying to assess what the best course of action was. If it came to a fight between them, he truly wasn’t sure who would win.
Morgana held up the staff and studied it in the dim light of the chamber. The staff had led her here, and she knew what it wanted her to do, but she was torn. This instrument had the power to summon the dead, creating an army of creatures that couldn’t be killed. It was the perfect way to ensure that Camelot would lose this fight, but still she hesitated. She knew that this was what Morgause would want, but did she want it too?
Merlin accidentally bumped into a statue, causing a small piece to break and clatter to the floor. The sound reverberated through the small space, and Morgana stiffened as she heard it.
Spinning on her heel, Morgana turned towards the source of the sound. Her eyes fell on Merlin, and she shook her head. Of course he was here. “Merlin,” she muttered. “What are you doing here?”
“I think you know,” he answered. He straightened up and walked out of his hiding place, coming out to face her.
She forcefully expelled a breath out of her lungs in frustration. “I would think you of all people would understand, Merlin. You know how it feels, to be ashamed of who and what you are. Aren’t you tired of having to hide?”
He dipped his head in a nod. “I do understand. But this isn’t the way.”
Morgana looked back and forth from Merlin to the staff in her hands. She shut her eyes, and mournfully exclaimed, “I have to do this, Merlin.”
Merlin shook his head. “No, you don’t. I know that you feel alone, but you aren’t.”
She slowly opened her eyes to look at him.
He continued, “You have people here that care about you, Morgana. You don’t want to harm them, I know it. You’re better than all this.”
She gripped the staff tighter in her hands. “They would see me hanged if they knew who I really was.”
“Not all of them. Did you forget? I know you.” He stepped closer to her. “And so does Arthur. He would die before he let anyone hurt you.”
The inside of her cheek was beginning to bleed as she chewed on it to block out the thoughts of Arthur.
Determined to change her mind, Merlin told her the only thing he could think of that would affect her. “When you were gone, he nearly went insane, Morgana. He searched for you every day. Losing you, it tore him apart.”
“No,” she whispered. The cool taste of copper flooded her mouth as she fought a mental war with herself.
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I was there; I heard him screaming in his sleep. I watched him struggle to breathe every time he walked past the room where you died.” He took a steadying breath, the memories painful even now. “It broke him.” He concluded, “You broke him.”
“Stop it!” She screamed, her chest heaving from the overload of emotion.
Ignoring her plea, he pushed on, knowing that he was getting through to her. “If you do this, if you betray him, he won’t recover. Not this time.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled, the words sticking on her tongue.
He implored, “Please, Morgana.” Then, softer, he added, “I know you still love him.”
She bit her cheek harder and shut her eyes, refusing to let Merlin see the pain there.
“We can find another way,” he begged.
Her hands shook, the staff suddenly feeling heavier than before. Maybe Merlin was right. This couldn’t be the only way to gain her freedom. There had to be something else, something that didn’t require so many innocent people to die. Morgause would understand, she had to.
“Please.” Merlin's voice sounded far away as Morgana debated her decision.
She made up her mind, hoping it was the right choice. Apologizing to her sister in her thoughts, Morgana dropped the staff, letting it crack on the tiles.
Merlin watched with wide eyes, the surprise evident on his face.
Morgana opened her eyes again in time to see the smile on Merlin’s lips. She rolled her eyes at the sight. “Move, Merlin,” she demanded as she pushed past him.
Merlin swayed on his feet from the shove, confusion marring his features. “Where are you going?”
Over her shoulder, she explained, “I condemned this city to war; I’m going to do my part to save it.”
Merlin grin spread wider as he watched her run up the steps leading out of the chamber.
---
Morgana exited the castle and came out into the square, her sword held high. She jumped into the fight, expertly taking down several enemy soldiers with a few well-placed blows. She fought her way out of the square and out to the main battle on the edge of the city. The lower town was taken over, but the walls of Camelot still held fast, and the enemy could only trickle down into the city from their limited entry points.
As she neared the gates, she caught sight of Arthur’s golden hair in the moonlight. He was holding strong, fervently defending his kingdom, and it made Morgana smile. She was angry with him, she didn’t trust him, but she was starting to remember why she had placed so much faith in him so long ago. She may hate Uther, but there were people in this city still worth fighting for; she had forgotten that.
The clash of swords beside her reminded her that she was in the middle of a war, and she brought her sword back up, blocking attacks from Cenred’s soldiers. She only hoped that her sister would forgive her for this betrayal.
---
Safe up on a hill a good distance away from the battle, Cenred and Morgause watched the fight unfold. Cenred was getting antsy, tired of waiting for Morgause’s traitor to hold up her end of the bargain. His army was slowly getting decimated, and he was not amused. “What of your traitor? She should’ve taken action by now.”
Morgause shook her head. “Something must’ve happened, she wouldn’t betray us.”
Cenred laughed bitterly. “I warned you of this, Morgause. Traitors cannot be trusted. Their allegiances are too easily bought.”
Morgause stared out over the city, hoping that her sister hadn’t lost her nerve.
---
Arthur commanded his men as they fought, splitting them into groups to cover more ground. They may have lost the lower town, but they were winning back their city. The citadel was impregnable, and the enemy soldiers were losing their edge. Camelot would not fall tonight, Arthur was sure of it.
As he scanned the crowd to check on the success of his men, he noticed someone in the midst of the chaos that stood out from the rest. The warrior was fighting for Camelot, but it wasn’t one of his knights. It was… his breath caught as recognition hit him. “Morgana!” he bellowed.
Morgana heard her name from across the sea of bodies and turned towards it. She spotted Arthur fighting his way over to her through the horde. He cut down three men in his path and shoved several others, including one of his own knights, just to get to her.
“What are you doing?” he hissed as he reached her. He could only look at her in his peripheral vision in order to keep his eye on any attackers, but he caught glimpses of her messy hair and dirt-smudged cheeks.
Morgana felt his shoulder brush against hers as he fought beside her, and she replied, “I thought that would be obvious, Arthur.” She swung her sword to the left, slicing through the stomach of a combatant as they charged her.
“I told you not to fight!” Arthur spun and stabbed a soldier that was coming up behind Morgana, saving her from the sneak attack.
Morgana laughed as she smashed the butt of her sword into someone’s nose. “And since when have I ever listened to you?”
Arthur growled low in his throat. “You are insufferable,” he complained before turning back and cutting the throat of another man.
As if to prove herself worthy of being there, Morgana leaped in front of Arthur to kill someone coming at him. She turned to him with a smug smile on her lips, her intricately braided hair swinging wildly.
Arthur grabbed her by the arm and spun her behind him to save her from a stray arrow flying at them. Using the momentum of the spin, he swung his sword and cut through two men.
Her back now pressed against his, she breathed, “You’re not getting rid of me, you know.” She fought off more men as they came at her and Arthur. With their backs pressed together, they started to move as a single entity, protecting each other from attacks on all sides.
Arthur sighed, knowing that it was useless to argue. Reaching his free arm back behind him, he looped it under Morgana’s arm and flipped their positions, pulling her with him as he turned.
Morgana smiled despite herself. “Just like old times.”
He rolled his eyes even though he knew she couldn’t see him. “If you’re referring to that fight in Caerleon, I thought we agreed that we should never speak of it again.”
She leaned back on Arthur, pushing him down as a sword arced over her head. “You’re just mad that I saved your life.”
He huffed, “We were children! And I saved yours as well.”
She chuckled. “I suppose we’re even, then.”
As more arrows soared through the sky, Arthur yanked hard on Morgana’s arm, twirling her around towards him until she collided with his chest. He held her tight and shielded her from the onslaught from above. The whizzing sound of arrows slowly faded, and Arthur looked down at Morgana. She was inches from his face, and he could feel the rhythm of her heavy breathing from where she was pressed to him.
Morgana was frozen, having him this close again was sending her mind into a freefall. Tilting her head up, she gazed into his eyes. God, she had missed him so.
Arthur felt himself drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He couldn’t control it, he was leaning in to her. The rest of the world had fallen away, the battle long forgotten.
Morgana’s eyes fluttered closed as he moved closer. The warmth of his breath caressed her lips, and she longed to throw her arms around him, but she didn’t dare move.
Just as their lips were about to touch, a loud horn sounded in the distance. Cenred was calling his men to retreat, and the battle was over. The noise startled both of them, and Arthur pulled away like he’d been burned.
It stung, the way he abandoned her body to the cold air as he let her go. Morgana ran a hand over her arm, trying to warm herself from the loss.
Arthur looked out over the blur of soldiers and saw that Cenred’s men were leaving the city. With a half-hearted smile on his lips, he commented, “I guess we won.”
Morgana nodded, the throbbing in her chest threatening to suffocate her. “I guess we did.”
The knights of Camelot all started to cheer, and they came and swept away their leader in a show of victory.
Morgana was left by herself as everyone celebrated around her; alone, just like before. She slowly followed the crowd as they rushed back to the square, watching Arthur from a distance. As the crowd of knights around him parted, Morgana caught sight of a girl in a yellow dress running down the castle steps.
Guinevere ran straight at Arthur and launched herself into his arms, embracing him tightly. The prince lifted her off the ground and spun her gently before setting her down. The smile on Gwen’s face was blinding.
Feeling nauseous, Morgana slipped away, letting them rejoice without her.
---
After the fighting was done, Morgana went to the clearing in the woods, hoping that by some chance her sister would find her there. She ended up resting against the trunk of a large oak tree for hours, staying there until the first rays of sunlight shone through the trees as dawn broke over the horizon. She wanted to see Morgause, to apologize, and to simply feel the warmth of being near someone who loved her, but it seemed that her sister wasn’t coming.
The exhaustion from the day finally set in, and Morgana shut her eyes. She fell asleep there against the tree, basking in the feeling of the sun on her skin as she slept. Her problems would have to wait until tomorrow.
Next Chapter
Fandom: Merlin
Characters/Pairings: Arthur/Morgana, any and all other characters
Word Count: 6,726
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff, because if I did ArMor would be canon.
Spoilers: Vague spoilers for all of Merlin series 3
Summary: (The sequel to "you and i are a story that never gets told") This is season 3, the way it should've been. Arthur has lost Morgana, and he is struggling to move on without her. Morgana is learning to master her powers with the help of her sister, but she can't stay away from Camelot forever... Once you set things into motion, everything can change.
Author's Notes: I can't write AG scenes guys, they turn out so shit. Blech. Also, Morgana isn't completely off the bad girl path yet...
Previous Installment: you and i are a story that never gets told
Previous Chapters: Prologue
---
After listening to Morgause’s new and carefully formulated plan to take down Uther, Morgana agreed to go back to Camelot. She didn’t want to be near anyone in that city ever again, but her presence inside the walls was pivotal for the plan to work. Morgause needed someone on the inside, and who better than Camelot’s prodigal daughter?
Morgana took with her a mandrake root, which would be used to poison Uther’s mind. The plan was simple, to discredit Uther as a king by making him go mad. No one would support a king with an addled mind, and finally Morgana and everyone else would be free of his rule.
Morgause kept the next stages of her plan a secret, but Morgana knew that her sister had been consorting with Cenred, and they were undoubtedly concocting some sort of takeover. Usually this would worry Morgana, but she couldn’t find it in her to care about anyone in Camelot anymore. Morgause could do with them as she wished.
Morgana rode back to the city the next day, her head held high. She dumped her ruined clothes out in the hall, leaving them for a maid to collect. She wouldn’t dare summon Gwen, not after what she had witnessed. She would make do on her own; she had been doing it for a year, after all.
Once she had an opportunity, she placed the mandrake root in Uther’s room, and set the plan into motion. They had no idea the enemy they had created in her, but they soon would regret it.
---
Merlin had just finished cleaning the floors when Arthur stormed into his room, looking distressed. The prince roughly tugged his shirt over his head and kicked his boots off, sending them flying across the room.
“Something wrong, sire?” Merlin asked.
“Morgana,” he mumbled.
Merlin rolled his eyes. He should’ve guessed. “What happened?”
“She’s gone, Merlin. She saw…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “She left, again.” He sighed.
“Um, Arthur?” Merlin interjected, but he was ignored.
Arthur continued on talking as he paced around the room. “I’ll have to send out a search party to appease my father, but I doubt we’ll find her.”
“Arthur,” Merlin tried again.
“If she would just listen to me, but no, she has to run away. Always running,” he grumbled, completely oblivious to Merlin’s attempts to get his attention.
Unable to stand it any longer, Merlin yelled, “Arthur!”
Arthur snapped his focus down to his manservant, annoyed at being interrupted. “What?”
Resisting the urge to hit Arthur over the back of the head, Merlin explained, “Morgana’s still here. I only saw her a few moments ago, out in the hall.”
Arthur blinked several times, processing the information. “Oh.”
“I guess she decided that she wanted to stay after all.”
Arthur let out a groan and covered his face with his hands. “That damn woman is going to drive me insane.”
---
Over the next few days, Morgana avoided Arthur like the plague. Thankfully, the mandrake root did its work quickly, and Uther’s sickness kept Arthur distracted. The plan was working perfectly, Uther was steadily losing his mind, and in turn his people were losing their faith in him. The mandrake’s poison displayed as a completely normal illness, so no one suspected foul play, which meant that Morgana was safe for now. She wasn’t free of Gwen’s guilt-riddled glances and Arthur’s lingering glares, however.
Arthur had only tried to talk to her once, but Morgana blew out her candles and pretended to be asleep, refusing to let him in her room. He banged on her door for ten minutes before collapsing to the floor, resting against the wall. Merlin found him there hours later and carried him to his room, but Morgana didn’t know that detail.
After allowing Uther to deteriorate for a few days, Morgana went to meet her sister to learn the next stage of the plan. They met out in the woods, hidden away from the prying eyes of anyone in Camelot.
“Sister,” Morgause greeted, a smile on her lips.
Morgana tried to return the smile, but she no longer found much joy in anything, her heart was too hardened.
Morgause noticed the cold reception, but she didn’t comment. Morgana may be hurting now, but soon she would have everything she ever wanted, and all would be fine. “I take it things have gone well?”
Morgana nodded. “Camelot will soon find itself without a ruler. Uther is no longer fit to rule a kingdom, and the people have taken notice.”
With a smirk, Morgause commented, “As has Cenred. I have nearly convinced him and his army to march on Camelot.”
It didn’t come as much of a surprise, but strangely, Morgana still felt a pang in her chest upon hearing the words. “Good,” she murmured, the word cracking in her throat.
“You don’t sound pleased.”
Morgana shook her head, clamping down on the emotions she felt resurging in her chest. “No. This is what I want. You can burn the city to the ground.”
Cocking her head, Morgause asked, “And what of Arthur?”
Hearing his name reminded her of the raw wound she was trying so hard to ignore. Biting down on the inside of her cheek, she breathed in through her nose and calmed her nerves. “He is not the man I thought. He will do no better on the throne than his father.”
Morgause looked pleased; she had finally convinced Morgana to completely let go of her old life. “I’m glad you’ve seen reason, Morgana. Meet me here in three days time, by then Cenred’s army will be ready to march on Camelot.”
Morgana nodded stiffly in acceptance. She stood frozen in place as her sister placed a kiss on her cheek before leaving. Shutting her eyes for a moment, she breathed in the cool forest air and tried to force herself to believe that this was the right decision.
She returned to the castle later that night, unaware of the pair of eyes watching her from the dark.
---
Arthur was dealing with so many things in his life, he felt like he was being ripped in a million different directions. It had been hard enough dealing with the eruption of feelings that had threatened to drown him when he saw Morgana again, but now with his father sick, he was losing his grip completely. The tides were sucking him under, and he had nothing to keep him afloat.
Guinevere had tried to comfort him, but she was reserved, distant every since Morgana returned. He knew that she was worried, and feeling guilty, and he couldn’t fault her for that. But Morgana had chosen to leave him a long time ago; he couldn’t lose Guinevere as well. Not when his whole world was coming apart.
The worst part of his father getting sick wasn’t even the crushing weight of responsibility falling on his shoulders, not entirely, and that’s what made it all so confusing. The worst part was that he had to do it alone. The last time he had imagined himself on the throne as king, it was with Morgana by his side. He didn’t want to admit it, especially not after everything that had happened between them, but he needed her with him. He craved her presence, her words of wisdom. Before, she would’ve had some brilliant advice and encouraged him with a sly smile, but not anymore. She had completely shut him out, and while he thought that he could handle it, it was like a knife in the gut. His heart throbbed every time he saw her, and it was driving him mad. He didn’t want her here, but he couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving. He didn’t know what to do.
Still stuck in his turbulent thoughts, he went to visit his father again. As he entered the room, he caught Morgana standing above Uther’s bed. His mouth fell open, and he gaped like a fish for a second.
His entrance startled her, and she turned to glare at him. She didn’t like being caught, but knew how to hide her secrets well.
Arthur stood there in shock for a moment before getting his mouth to work again. “I didn’t think I’d see you in here.”
Morgana rolled her eyes. “I am allowed to visit my guardian, am I not?” Truthfully, she had only come in to replace the mandrake root under the bed, but Arthur couldn’t know that.
Arthur’s lips turned down into a frown. Unaware of her ulterior motives, he assumed that Morgana was only here to gloat over his father’s illness. Trying to put aside his frustration, he took the opportunity to finally speak to her. “Morgana, we should talk.”
With a huff, she sneered, “There’s nothing to talk about, Arthur.”
“You don’t have the whole story,” he tried. It was taking all he had to keep his tone even as he spoke, the urge to yell was overwhelming.
“You moved on, Arthur. I get it. To you, I was cold in the ground, so why not jump on my maid?” Her hands were starting to shake, and she wanted to escape. Escape this room, this conversation, escape his knowing blue eyes.
Through gritted teeth, he countered, “It wasn’t like that.”
“It doesn’t matter, Arthur.” She headed for the door, hoping that he would move out of her way so she could leave.
His temper was flaring, and he grabbed her by the arm as she tried to walk past. “It does matter,” he fumed. “Losing you almost killed me; you don’t get to judge me for what happened after. You weren’t here.”
She yanked her arm out of his grip, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a hard line. “And you think that staying away was easy for me?”
“That was your choice!” he snapped. “You made that decision, not me.”
“Just like you decided to go after Gwen,” she replied angrily. Unable to help herself, she added, “Really, Arthur, of all the women…” She could feel her fingernails cutting into her palm as she clenched her fist.
“At least I can trust her,” he retorted. He could barely hear his own voice; his ears were ringing so loudly from the force of his anger.
Morgana scoffed. If he wanted to play house with her maid, that was fine. She wouldn’t stop him. “Well, I hope you two will be very happy together.” She forcefully shoved at his shoulder, pushing him to the side. Without looking back, she left the room, immediately joining a crowd of people in the hall to help her escape.
Arthur half collapsed into the chair by his father’s bed, feeling hopeless and empty again as the anger drained away.
---
After the three days had passed, Morgana went out to meet her sister again. As she left the palace, she could feel that someone was tailing her, but she was waiting for the perfect moment to confront them.
She entered the clearing in the woods and found Morgause and some of her Blood Guard dismounting from their horses.
Morgana greeted her sister with a brief embrace. “How are things with Cenred?”
“His army is marching on Camelot as we speak. Soon the kingdom will be ours,” Morgause answered.
Forcing a smile, Morgana nodded her head. “They will find no resistance there. Uther is no threat to anyone this way.”
Morgause grasped Morgana’s hands in her own. “Then everything is in order.”
After a beat, Morgana pulled her hands back. “Not quite. Someone suspects me.”
“Is it Arthur?” Morgause asked. She feared for her sister’s life if Arthur were to know of her treachery.
“No.” Morgana turned to look out into the dark forest. “It is someone else.” Striding across the clearing, she bent over a ridge and stared down into Merlin’s face. “And here he is.”
Merlin jumped up from his hiding space, backing away from Morgana. “Morgana, you cannot do this.”
Morgana laughed at his pathetic plea. “Oh, but I can.”
The Blood Guard advanced on Merlin, starting a chase. The men were too strong and too quick, and they caught Merlin a few yards away. They easily subdued him, knocking him to the ground.
Morgana caught up to the men and kneeled down to look at Merlin. “My quarrel isn’t with you, Merlin. But I cannot let you interfere with this.”
“Morgana, don’t. Please,” he begged.
She mockingly pouted at him, unfazed by his words. “I don’t want to kill you, Merlin. But since I can’t have you following me, either…” She held out a hand and conjured up a long section of enchanted chains. With a flick of her wrist, the chains wound tightly around Merlin’s body.
He squirmed against the chains, but they only got tighter as he moved.
“By the time the enchantment on the chains wears off, Camelot will be relieved of the Pendragon reign. You will be free to practice your magic openly and without fear, Merlin. We all will. You’ll see.” Somewhere deep inside, she knew that she was only seeing what she wanted, but it was the only way she could accept the plan. Casualties were a necessary part of war, whether she liked it or not, and while people would die, so many people would be saved too.
As Morgana stood and walked away, Merlin struggled harder against the chains. “Morgana, please!”
She ignored his cries and mounted her horse. There was a war coming, and she had to get back to Camelot before it started.
---
News of Cenred’s army marching on Camelot spread quickly, and Arthur was forced to make plans. He reluctantly took up the duty of making decisions for the kingdom in his father’s absence. Ideas were mentioned of giving Cenred land or money to appease him, but Arthur refused to back down. He would not look weak; his father wouldn’t have wanted that. So he decided to prepare the city for siege.
They would be going to war.
As he announced the news, Morgana stood off the in corner, a grin slowly spreading on her lips.
---
Luckily for Merlin, Morgana was unaware of his Dragonlord abilities. He was able to summon Kilgharrah to come and save him from the clearing where Morgana had abandoned him. Despite their rocky past, Kilgharrah had no choice but to respond to Merlin’s call. The dragon broke the chains, and even flew Merlin safely back to Camelot.
Once Merlin returned, he immediately went to Gaius and explained what was happening. He knew that Morgana must have done something to Uther, so he and the physician paid a visit to the king.
They found him curled up in a corner, mumbling to himself. Uther didn’t even recognize that anyone else was in the room with him; he was too terrified by his own delusions.
Merlin frantically searched the room for the source of the enchantment. There had to be something here, he felt it.
As Uther fell quiet for a rare moment, Merlin heard a faint dripping sound coming from under the bed. Dropping to his knees, Merlin looked beneath the mattress, finding a dark, oozing root hanging there. He snatched it from where hung and produced it to Gaius.
Gaius seemed to recognize the object, and he nodded. Uther’s cries increased in volume upon seeing the root, and their suspicions were confirmed. Merlin hurled the object into the fireplace, letting the flames destroy it.
The cries that emitted from the dying root were piercing, but they soon slowed and came to a halt. As the root turned to ash, Uther visibly began to relax. Gaius helped up the king, and they put him to bed. He may be free from the hallucinations, but the stress had taken a toll on him, and he would need to rest.
Merlin and Gaius left the king, leaving him to his sleep.
As they walked, Gaius turned to Merlin. “There are some things you need to know, Merlin.”
They discussed the coming war and Arthur’s plans. Merlin knew he couldn’t stop the army, but he still had a chance to stop Morgana, and that’s what he would do.
---
The next day, as the city was readying for war, Morgana walked through the castle, trying to say goodbye to everything she had known before. This was for the best, it had to be. Uther was a tyrant, and he had poisoned his son as well. Magic would never be welcome here, not unless she did something to change things.
She was wrapped up in her thoughts and almost missed the dark haired servant as he walked towards her. Her senses were sharper now that she had been working as a traitor, however, and she whirled around to grab him as he moved past her. “You,” she hissed. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“Someone had to stop you,” Merlin quipped.
Morgana grabbed his wrist tightly and dragged him off to the side of the hall, speaking in hushed tones. “Do not get in my way, Merlin.”
Even after being manhandled, he managed a smug smile. “How will Arthur feel when he knows that you have brought this war on his kingdom?”
Her nails bit into his skin as she squeezed his wrist harder. “You forget, Merlin, that I know your darkest secret. You will do well to keep quiet, unless you want to have your head on the spike next to mine.”
His expression softened, some of his cocky demeanor slipping away. He feared her, as he should, but he knew that there was more to her than this. He had seen it. “You trusted me once, Morgana; believe me when I say this isn’t the right decision.”
She roughly released his arm, shoving it back. “Just stay out of my way,” she reiterated, before storming off in the other direction.
---
Morgana soon discovered that Merlin had broken the enchantment on Uther, but it didn’t deter her. She went to see her sister again, hoping for good news.
Morgause met her in the woods again, and she did bear a positive development. “Cenred’s army is less than a day away. They will be there before the next sunset.”
Morgana explained that Merlin had escaped and was a threat, but Morgause was not concerned.
“Do not fret, Morgana. I have a task for you, one that will ensure that even Merlin cannot save Camelot.” Morgause pulled a tall staff out of her cloak and presented it to Morgana.
Morgana stared in awe at its beauty. She could feel the power emanating from it even at a distance.
“It is carved from the Rowan tree that grows at the very heart of the Isle of the Blessed,” Morgause explained.
Morgana felt a wave of nervous energy rush over her. “My magic is still weak; I do not have the strength to wield such an instrument.”
Morgause smiled. “Do not worry, Morgana, the staff carries its own power. It will guide you”
Morgana stared quizzically at the staff. “And what is it that I must do?”
“Cenred’s army alone cannot take the city. We need your help from the inside.”
Her help. Morgana swallowed the lump in her throat. She had set this all into motion; she should’ve known she’d have to get her hands dirty.
“Morgana?” Morgause questioned.
Shaking away the worrying thoughts, Morgana nodded and forced a smile. “I’ll do whatever is necessary.”
---
The whole city was preparing for the battle, gathering supplies and weapons and fortifying the gates. Arthur was in his room, putting on his armor for the upcoming fight. As Merlin helped him to get ready, he heard a knock on the door.
It was strange, for a brief moment, his heart seemed to swell with the hope that it was Morgana on the other side of the door. He hadn’t had that feeling in a long time. He had long since stopped searching for her around every corner, but now he had reason to expect to see her face outside of his dreams, and it was startling to realize how much he had missed feeling this way.
However, it wasn’t Morgana, but Guinevere who opened the door. The yearning ache in his chest was replaced with a comforting warmth upon seeing her face. She walked up to him with a shy smile on her lips. Merlin excused himself and allowed the two of them to have time to talk.
Gwen couldn’t quite meet Arthur’s gaze, her guilt was still flaring every time she caught herself longing for his touch, or for his blue eyes to land upon her face. Settling on looking at his chest instead, she murmured, “I know things have been difficult lately, between us.”
Arthur chuckled low in his chest despite himself. That was an understatement.
“But I do care for you, Arthur, you know that. And I wanted to come and see you, to tell you that, before…” she trailed off.
Arthur placed two fingers under Gwen’s chin and tilted her face up, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise.”
“You can’t promise that, Arthur,” she chided. She turned her head to the side, pulling away from his fingers.
He let his hand fall to his waist as she moved. “I have faith in Camelot, in our people. We will survive this, Guinevere.”
Gwen smiled sweetly, impressed with his conviction. “You sound like a true king, Arthur. Camelot is in safe hands.”
He smiled in return, even though he wasn’t as confident about his leading the kingdom as she was. “As long as I have you here to remind me of that, everything will be alright.”
Heat crept up in her cheeks, and she looked back down at her hands. After staring intently at her fingernails, she recalled her purpose for coming here and shoved her hand into her pocket. She pulled a scrap of material out and brought it up to show him. “Here. I wanted you to have this.”
Arthur watched as she slowly tied the material around his arm. “Thank you, Guinevere.”
She bowed her head and turned to leave before he could convince her to stay.
Arthur let her go, still staring at the scrap of yellow cotton on his arm.
---
Surprisingly, Gwen came and offered to help Morgana don her armor as well. Gwen knew Morgana better than most, and she had suspected that Morgana would try and join the fight. It was a nice gesture, but Morgana refused and sent the girl away. She asked another servant for their assistance instead. As much as she missed having Gwen there to laugh and talk with, she couldn’t bear to do it now.
She stared out the window as the strange serving girl behind her tightened her armor. She could see all the people from the lower town moving into the city, carrying what few belongings they could manage on their backs. These people didn’t deserve to die, and it hurt to see them like this. But, she reasoned, was it any fairer that she would be put to death for simply having magic? No. These people were unfortunate casualties, but she had no choice. It was her or them.
She heard footsteps behind her, and right after that, felt a sharp tug in her back as the servant stumbled all over herself and yanked something too tight. Morgana rolled her eyes, knowing that only one person could cause a girl to flounder in such a way. She turned to the girl over her shoulder and ordered, “You’re excused.”
The girl ran from the room, nearly tripping over her own feet.
Morgana slowly turned around to face her visitor, a sigh dropping from her lips. “Arthur.”
He studied her carefully before blurting, “You’re not going to fight, Morgana.”
A harsh bark of a laugh echoed through the room as Morgana took in his statement. “I can fight better than most of your men, Arthur.”
“I’m serious, Morgana, you shouldn’t be on the battlefield.”
Morgana noticed that he was clenching and unclenching his fists, trying to maintain control. She scoffed. “You cannot stop me if I want to be there, Arthur.”
He shut his eyes tightly, desperately trying not to scream at her. He opened them slowly, taking a breath. “Please, Morgana.”
She cocked her head, his pleading tone catching her interest.
“I can’t lose you again,” he admitted.
His admission sounded so honest and sincere, and Morgana suddenly wanted nothing more than to make him happy. She sighed and gave in to his request. “Fine. I’ll stay in the castle.” To be honest, she was planning on that anyway, but she had enjoyed pushing his buttons.
Her acquiescence was unexpected, and Arthur grinned at her before he could properly think about it.
For a brief moment, things felt normal again. They were Arthur and Morgana, the way they had always been. Morgana started to return his smile, but a flash of yellow caught her eye, and the corners of her lips immediately dropped. “Don’t you have an army to command?” she inquired in a snarky tone.
His smile vanished. He nodded curtly and turned his back on her, leaving her to fume on her own.
She angrily tugged her cover over her shoulders, suddenly feeling a chill on the air.
---
Cenred’s army reached the city by nightfall, and the fighting began. Morgana watched anxiously from her window, waiting for the right moment to use the staff. As much as she wanted to destroy Uther, she found herself cringing every time she saw a knight getting cut down or a battlement set on fire. This was her city, despite the fact that she no longer felt safe in its walls. Some of these people had been kind, had helped her.
She gripped the edge of the windowsill until her knuckles turned white. She had to keep it together. This was for the greater good.
She let her head fall against the glass and held her breath. It was going to be fine.
---
Arthur and his knights had been thrown into the melee as Cenred’s army covered more ground. They had nearly taken the lower town, gradually pushing towards the citadel. Arthur was doing well fighting them off, killing dozens of men before they could even raise their swords. Yet, they kept coming.
Merlin was out in the square, trying his best to protect Arthur. He attempted to fight in the battle, but there were too many people around for him to use his magic without being detected. He was forced to use a sword instead, which was difficult. He lacked the training and the finesse to sword fight, but he refused to let Arthur fight alone.
As Merlin fought off one of Cenred’s men, he caught a glimpse of long brown hair and a green cloak flying by as someone weaved through the mayhem. He instantly recognized the slender figure and knew that it was Morgana, and that she was up to something. He made one last swipe with his sword at his attacker before running after Morgana, letting the knights handle the rest of the fighting.
Merlin followed her down to the burial chambers below the castle. As Morgana entered the room, she removed her cloak and let it drop to the floor, revealing a wooden staff as she did.
For a moment, Merlin simply watched her, trying to assess what the best course of action was. If it came to a fight between them, he truly wasn’t sure who would win.
Morgana held up the staff and studied it in the dim light of the chamber. The staff had led her here, and she knew what it wanted her to do, but she was torn. This instrument had the power to summon the dead, creating an army of creatures that couldn’t be killed. It was the perfect way to ensure that Camelot would lose this fight, but still she hesitated. She knew that this was what Morgause would want, but did she want it too?
Merlin accidentally bumped into a statue, causing a small piece to break and clatter to the floor. The sound reverberated through the small space, and Morgana stiffened as she heard it.
Spinning on her heel, Morgana turned towards the source of the sound. Her eyes fell on Merlin, and she shook her head. Of course he was here. “Merlin,” she muttered. “What are you doing here?”
“I think you know,” he answered. He straightened up and walked out of his hiding place, coming out to face her.
She forcefully expelled a breath out of her lungs in frustration. “I would think you of all people would understand, Merlin. You know how it feels, to be ashamed of who and what you are. Aren’t you tired of having to hide?”
He dipped his head in a nod. “I do understand. But this isn’t the way.”
Morgana looked back and forth from Merlin to the staff in her hands. She shut her eyes, and mournfully exclaimed, “I have to do this, Merlin.”
Merlin shook his head. “No, you don’t. I know that you feel alone, but you aren’t.”
She slowly opened her eyes to look at him.
He continued, “You have people here that care about you, Morgana. You don’t want to harm them, I know it. You’re better than all this.”
She gripped the staff tighter in her hands. “They would see me hanged if they knew who I really was.”
“Not all of them. Did you forget? I know you.” He stepped closer to her. “And so does Arthur. He would die before he let anyone hurt you.”
The inside of her cheek was beginning to bleed as she chewed on it to block out the thoughts of Arthur.
Determined to change her mind, Merlin told her the only thing he could think of that would affect her. “When you were gone, he nearly went insane, Morgana. He searched for you every day. Losing you, it tore him apart.”
“No,” she whispered. The cool taste of copper flooded her mouth as she fought a mental war with herself.
“Yes,” he affirmed. “I was there; I heard him screaming in his sleep. I watched him struggle to breathe every time he walked past the room where you died.” He took a steadying breath, the memories painful even now. “It broke him.” He concluded, “You broke him.”
“Stop it!” She screamed, her chest heaving from the overload of emotion.
Ignoring her plea, he pushed on, knowing that he was getting through to her. “If you do this, if you betray him, he won’t recover. Not this time.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled, the words sticking on her tongue.
He implored, “Please, Morgana.” Then, softer, he added, “I know you still love him.”
She bit her cheek harder and shut her eyes, refusing to let Merlin see the pain there.
“We can find another way,” he begged.
Her hands shook, the staff suddenly feeling heavier than before. Maybe Merlin was right. This couldn’t be the only way to gain her freedom. There had to be something else, something that didn’t require so many innocent people to die. Morgause would understand, she had to.
“Please.” Merlin's voice sounded far away as Morgana debated her decision.
She made up her mind, hoping it was the right choice. Apologizing to her sister in her thoughts, Morgana dropped the staff, letting it crack on the tiles.
Merlin watched with wide eyes, the surprise evident on his face.
Morgana opened her eyes again in time to see the smile on Merlin’s lips. She rolled her eyes at the sight. “Move, Merlin,” she demanded as she pushed past him.
Merlin swayed on his feet from the shove, confusion marring his features. “Where are you going?”
Over her shoulder, she explained, “I condemned this city to war; I’m going to do my part to save it.”
Merlin grin spread wider as he watched her run up the steps leading out of the chamber.
---
Morgana exited the castle and came out into the square, her sword held high. She jumped into the fight, expertly taking down several enemy soldiers with a few well-placed blows. She fought her way out of the square and out to the main battle on the edge of the city. The lower town was taken over, but the walls of Camelot still held fast, and the enemy could only trickle down into the city from their limited entry points.
As she neared the gates, she caught sight of Arthur’s golden hair in the moonlight. He was holding strong, fervently defending his kingdom, and it made Morgana smile. She was angry with him, she didn’t trust him, but she was starting to remember why she had placed so much faith in him so long ago. She may hate Uther, but there were people in this city still worth fighting for; she had forgotten that.
The clash of swords beside her reminded her that she was in the middle of a war, and she brought her sword back up, blocking attacks from Cenred’s soldiers. She only hoped that her sister would forgive her for this betrayal.
---
Safe up on a hill a good distance away from the battle, Cenred and Morgause watched the fight unfold. Cenred was getting antsy, tired of waiting for Morgause’s traitor to hold up her end of the bargain. His army was slowly getting decimated, and he was not amused. “What of your traitor? She should’ve taken action by now.”
Morgause shook her head. “Something must’ve happened, she wouldn’t betray us.”
Cenred laughed bitterly. “I warned you of this, Morgause. Traitors cannot be trusted. Their allegiances are too easily bought.”
Morgause stared out over the city, hoping that her sister hadn’t lost her nerve.
---
Arthur commanded his men as they fought, splitting them into groups to cover more ground. They may have lost the lower town, but they were winning back their city. The citadel was impregnable, and the enemy soldiers were losing their edge. Camelot would not fall tonight, Arthur was sure of it.
As he scanned the crowd to check on the success of his men, he noticed someone in the midst of the chaos that stood out from the rest. The warrior was fighting for Camelot, but it wasn’t one of his knights. It was… his breath caught as recognition hit him. “Morgana!” he bellowed.
Morgana heard her name from across the sea of bodies and turned towards it. She spotted Arthur fighting his way over to her through the horde. He cut down three men in his path and shoved several others, including one of his own knights, just to get to her.
“What are you doing?” he hissed as he reached her. He could only look at her in his peripheral vision in order to keep his eye on any attackers, but he caught glimpses of her messy hair and dirt-smudged cheeks.
Morgana felt his shoulder brush against hers as he fought beside her, and she replied, “I thought that would be obvious, Arthur.” She swung her sword to the left, slicing through the stomach of a combatant as they charged her.
“I told you not to fight!” Arthur spun and stabbed a soldier that was coming up behind Morgana, saving her from the sneak attack.
Morgana laughed as she smashed the butt of her sword into someone’s nose. “And since when have I ever listened to you?”
Arthur growled low in his throat. “You are insufferable,” he complained before turning back and cutting the throat of another man.
As if to prove herself worthy of being there, Morgana leaped in front of Arthur to kill someone coming at him. She turned to him with a smug smile on her lips, her intricately braided hair swinging wildly.
Arthur grabbed her by the arm and spun her behind him to save her from a stray arrow flying at them. Using the momentum of the spin, he swung his sword and cut through two men.
Her back now pressed against his, she breathed, “You’re not getting rid of me, you know.” She fought off more men as they came at her and Arthur. With their backs pressed together, they started to move as a single entity, protecting each other from attacks on all sides.
Arthur sighed, knowing that it was useless to argue. Reaching his free arm back behind him, he looped it under Morgana’s arm and flipped their positions, pulling her with him as he turned.
Morgana smiled despite herself. “Just like old times.”
He rolled his eyes even though he knew she couldn’t see him. “If you’re referring to that fight in Caerleon, I thought we agreed that we should never speak of it again.”
She leaned back on Arthur, pushing him down as a sword arced over her head. “You’re just mad that I saved your life.”
He huffed, “We were children! And I saved yours as well.”
She chuckled. “I suppose we’re even, then.”
As more arrows soared through the sky, Arthur yanked hard on Morgana’s arm, twirling her around towards him until she collided with his chest. He held her tight and shielded her from the onslaught from above. The whizzing sound of arrows slowly faded, and Arthur looked down at Morgana. She was inches from his face, and he could feel the rhythm of her heavy breathing from where she was pressed to him.
Morgana was frozen, having him this close again was sending her mind into a freefall. Tilting her head up, she gazed into his eyes. God, she had missed him so.
Arthur felt himself drawn to her like a moth to a flame. He couldn’t control it, he was leaning in to her. The rest of the world had fallen away, the battle long forgotten.
Morgana’s eyes fluttered closed as he moved closer. The warmth of his breath caressed her lips, and she longed to throw her arms around him, but she didn’t dare move.
Just as their lips were about to touch, a loud horn sounded in the distance. Cenred was calling his men to retreat, and the battle was over. The noise startled both of them, and Arthur pulled away like he’d been burned.
It stung, the way he abandoned her body to the cold air as he let her go. Morgana ran a hand over her arm, trying to warm herself from the loss.
Arthur looked out over the blur of soldiers and saw that Cenred’s men were leaving the city. With a half-hearted smile on his lips, he commented, “I guess we won.”
Morgana nodded, the throbbing in her chest threatening to suffocate her. “I guess we did.”
The knights of Camelot all started to cheer, and they came and swept away their leader in a show of victory.
Morgana was left by herself as everyone celebrated around her; alone, just like before. She slowly followed the crowd as they rushed back to the square, watching Arthur from a distance. As the crowd of knights around him parted, Morgana caught sight of a girl in a yellow dress running down the castle steps.
Guinevere ran straight at Arthur and launched herself into his arms, embracing him tightly. The prince lifted her off the ground and spun her gently before setting her down. The smile on Gwen’s face was blinding.
Feeling nauseous, Morgana slipped away, letting them rejoice without her.
---
After the fighting was done, Morgana went to the clearing in the woods, hoping that by some chance her sister would find her there. She ended up resting against the trunk of a large oak tree for hours, staying there until the first rays of sunlight shone through the trees as dawn broke over the horizon. She wanted to see Morgause, to apologize, and to simply feel the warmth of being near someone who loved her, but it seemed that her sister wasn’t coming.
The exhaustion from the day finally set in, and Morgana shut her eyes. She fell asleep there against the tree, basking in the feeling of the sun on her skin as she slept. Her problems would have to wait until tomorrow.
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