..sorry
i am suffering from this overpowering sensation of isolation. even if im out with friends, i constantly feel alone and completely out of place. i dont know whats happening to me - i think im past it, and then the thought comes back. i create horrible scenarios in my mind of its return. i just cant stand whats going on with me inside of my own head, and i cant escape myself.
im just really scared right now, of failing myself, and of failing everybody around me. im scared of a relapse. im scared of more than that - im scared of falling again; im scared of going through colorado springs again. i cant do that. i cant survive another round of depression. im so scared im going to fall into that trap, that hell, again.
im trying to be happy, i really am. it works most of the time, but then when everybody goes away, i start to cry.
im so sorry to everybody who thought i was happy.
i am, but at the same time, im not.
im truly terrified and i dont know why.
and the strange thing is, everything is going alright. there's nothing wrong with my life at this moment in time. its much better than it has been for the last year, and im almost at 9 weeks clean.
but for some reason, i cant escape the past year's hell.
i dont know... im just really hopeless and lost right now. its kind of like im stumbling around in the dark. its very confusing and i dont like it.
these feelings only come at night.
im just really scared right now, of failing myself, and of failing everybody around me. im scared of a relapse. im scared of more than that - im scared of falling again; im scared of going through colorado springs again. i cant do that. i cant survive another round of depression. im so scared im going to fall into that trap, that hell, again.
im trying to be happy, i really am. it works most of the time, but then when everybody goes away, i start to cry.
im so sorry to everybody who thought i was happy.
i am, but at the same time, im not.
im truly terrified and i dont know why.
and the strange thing is, everything is going alright. there's nothing wrong with my life at this moment in time. its much better than it has been for the last year, and im almost at 9 weeks clean.
but for some reason, i cant escape the past year's hell.
i dont know... im just really hopeless and lost right now. its kind of like im stumbling around in the dark. its very confusing and i dont like it.
these feelings only come at night.