Today, and Yesterday
My stress level, is boiling over entirely too much.
I'm 16, i don't need to deal with all of this on a daily basis.
I don't know. I don't think it's so much fair as me to say, my life completely blows.
but, i have too much to deal with.
My dad, had a hip replacement, a year ago. wow, that was scary. Just because my mom would sit there and tell me my dad was unhealthy constantly on a daily basis. I didn't know what to do. But, now i realize, yeah my dad is unhealthy. But, hes doing better, he hasn't gotten a kidney stone in a long time. But, now he complains about back pains, and he get really high fevers suddenly.
I think its weird how love works, and how people can go the distance for one and the other. I want to experience something like that, because, i don't think i've ever been in love. I may have thought i was, but yeah, i wasn't i just got caught up in my emotions, and i let everything get the best of me. Like, honestly, my dad, is 52, and he remarried my step mom, shes 35. And they started over and had a kid, nicole, my sister, and now they have another one on the way in October. Its insane how much they love each other, but i always feel like i have a lot on my sholders to carry out, being the big sister and all. Ugh, i don't know, maybe i'm talking ahead of myself, but i don't like having to tell my sister im at school when i have to go home to my moms, it breaks my heart. I miss her a lot sometimes. :[
But, i said being the big sister thing, i have an older brother, who i've always, always, looked up to, but unfortunately he hasn't been such a positive thing on my life. My brother is like my best friend, but he goes out, and gets high all the time, he lies, he steals, he cheats. I don't know what to do to make him grow up. But whenever hes in trouble, i'm always getting him out of it, then i look like the bad guy, because i apparently put him in it. I don't know. Thats enough of that.
Heres my fault, theres some people, that i have been friends with for quite some time, that i havent seen all summer. Its basically, like i haven't even made an effort.
But, on the other hand, neither have they. But, ican't even pick up the phone to say, hey, how are you doing? Its scary. How much i've changed in the course of a month. Its sad, but maybe theres a reason for it.
Heres one major flaw i have. I worry way too much about what other people think about me. It's like i have to impress everyone. I know i never do, but why should i worry about it?
I don't know, maybe its because of the thing i dealt with, with my step dad, i don't know. Maybe, its just, i want so bad to have someone care for me the way my friends in relationships are. I haven't had that feeling really, i'm so used to the typical, being used, or someone cheating on me ordeal. Its getting old. I'll have to do something about this. I mean why should i worry, i have people that have crushes on me, but why is it never good enough for me?
Hm. well, i am a pretty independent person, i mean i support myself, i'm paying for my insurance and half of my car, i get decent grades, and i want to make something out of my life. I want to go to college and i just have so many plans for my future, but im not sure i really want all of it. I have a job, i buy my own stuff, but sometimes i think it would be nice to have someone care for me. I have so many things and people to do and see when i get my liscense. Theres a select few that i can't wait to see. I just hope theres no disapointment to them, when i do see them. That would make me happy. Because, if all goes well, i can see them a lot. i like driving and i like meeting new people.
Iwantsomeone. ha yeah.
and im ending this here. im drinking my apple juice.
:]
I'm 16, i don't need to deal with all of this on a daily basis.
I don't know. I don't think it's so much fair as me to say, my life completely blows.
but, i have too much to deal with.
My dad, had a hip replacement, a year ago. wow, that was scary. Just because my mom would sit there and tell me my dad was unhealthy constantly on a daily basis. I didn't know what to do. But, now i realize, yeah my dad is unhealthy. But, hes doing better, he hasn't gotten a kidney stone in a long time. But, now he complains about back pains, and he get really high fevers suddenly.
I think its weird how love works, and how people can go the distance for one and the other. I want to experience something like that, because, i don't think i've ever been in love. I may have thought i was, but yeah, i wasn't i just got caught up in my emotions, and i let everything get the best of me. Like, honestly, my dad, is 52, and he remarried my step mom, shes 35. And they started over and had a kid, nicole, my sister, and now they have another one on the way in October. Its insane how much they love each other, but i always feel like i have a lot on my sholders to carry out, being the big sister and all. Ugh, i don't know, maybe i'm talking ahead of myself, but i don't like having to tell my sister im at school when i have to go home to my moms, it breaks my heart. I miss her a lot sometimes. :[
But, i said being the big sister thing, i have an older brother, who i've always, always, looked up to, but unfortunately he hasn't been such a positive thing on my life. My brother is like my best friend, but he goes out, and gets high all the time, he lies, he steals, he cheats. I don't know what to do to make him grow up. But whenever hes in trouble, i'm always getting him out of it, then i look like the bad guy, because i apparently put him in it. I don't know. Thats enough of that.
Heres my fault, theres some people, that i have been friends with for quite some time, that i havent seen all summer. Its basically, like i haven't even made an effort.
But, on the other hand, neither have they. But, ican't even pick up the phone to say, hey, how are you doing? Its scary. How much i've changed in the course of a month. Its sad, but maybe theres a reason for it.
Heres one major flaw i have. I worry way too much about what other people think about me. It's like i have to impress everyone. I know i never do, but why should i worry about it?
I don't know, maybe its because of the thing i dealt with, with my step dad, i don't know. Maybe, its just, i want so bad to have someone care for me the way my friends in relationships are. I haven't had that feeling really, i'm so used to the typical, being used, or someone cheating on me ordeal. Its getting old. I'll have to do something about this. I mean why should i worry, i have people that have crushes on me, but why is it never good enough for me?
Hm. well, i am a pretty independent person, i mean i support myself, i'm paying for my insurance and half of my car, i get decent grades, and i want to make something out of my life. I want to go to college and i just have so many plans for my future, but im not sure i really want all of it. I have a job, i buy my own stuff, but sometimes i think it would be nice to have someone care for me. I have so many things and people to do and see when i get my liscense. Theres a select few that i can't wait to see. I just hope theres no disapointment to them, when i do see them. That would make me happy. Because, if all goes well, i can see them a lot. i like driving and i like meeting new people.
Iwantsomeone. ha yeah.
and im ending this here. im drinking my apple juice.
:]