(no subject)
Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
I've been unstable lately. I feel like poo because I'm sick as a dog. I really need to make an appointment with the doctor. School is almost over and I'm glad the Junior Year nightmare is over.
I look back two years ago and see how much I've grown and changed. I matured more and I know a lot now. I don't know everything, but I figure with the stuff I learn each day, I can grow and grow on that. Sometimes I wonder if I did something differently or said something differently two years ago, maybe things wouldn't of ended this way? Maybe we wouldn't be so close. Maybe we would of been closer than we are now. It upsets me that we're not as close and that we don't speak as often as we used to. I remember we used to speak every single night and day. Well we have different friends now and the friends that used to connect to us, don't speak anymore really. So many things remind me of the time. I get upset over little things. I'm so confused and I don't know what to think. I wish we were closer. Maybe because it's awkward? Who knows. I mean, it's not like we don't get along. It's not like we don't have anything in common because we do have a lot in common. I'm not a hard person to talk to. I'm a great listener and I love being there in a time of need. I'm so easy to relate to. Maybe it's me I don't know. Who knew words can be so hard to say sometimes. I don't understand why this person doesn't take the initiative to speak to me. I feel like I did something wrong, even though I know I didn't. This person was doing so well a few months ago. I miss this person a lot. I understand it must be tough and weird for this person to be close to me. I mean if I was in this persons place, I'd feel awkward getting close to them again. It wouldn't be because they're a bad person or the mere fact that I wouldn't want to talk to them. Maybe this person loves talking to me but is just afraid to get close; afraid of potential sadness again. I completely understand that aspect of it.
There's been so many times how I dreamt of doing things with this person. Just hanging out anywhere, talking, laughing and having fun. It's not fair--life is not fair. Is it really that hard to open up to me? Or is it just--I don't know. I hate having to push anything out of people because I know what that feels like and it's annoying. I want this person and anyone to be able to speak to me freely, without any obligations. Even if it's random, I don't care. I'm here. I'm always listening. I don't know if this person realizes how much I care for them. I learned that waiting for the "right moment" sometimes can never result in the way you want it to and then it'll just pass you by, adios! Sometimes I find myself getting worked up and upset that all these other people get to spend time with this person. They get to share the joy in this persons awesomeness. I get annoyed that they are closer with this person than I am. It can work out so nicely, but I don't know. Yo no se. This person needs to realize how great they are. They don't give themselves enough credit. This person is so amazing and interesting, and I'm lucky if I talk to this person two days in a row when other people probably talk to them almost everyday.
I don't regret what happened because if it didn't happen, then I wouldn't of learned from it. If there was another chance to try again, oh the things I would/could do. Who knows if that chance will ever come and it sucks ass. I'm not going to stoop low and act like someone I'm not just to get attention from this person. Acting like anyone else is just a turn off and I must show my true colors even more. "Good things come to those who wait." And I'm holding on for dear life.
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I'm such a boob for not saying what I did over the weekend. I went to Bay Terrace with Les to meet up with David. David and Les are sure to be slamming at the prom. I hope everyone looks beautiful that night. :) Make it count, please? For me? *bats eyelashes*
Sunday I did the AIDS Walk with Danielle, Kaitlyn, Lance, Leslie, Will, Sam, Valerie, Axel, Jam, David (birdman!), and etc. We did about 4 miles so after that Will, me, Les, Sam, Valerie, Axel, David, and Jam went Downtown to go shopping (/girlyness)
There's a lot of school events happening soon. SATs are coming up yet again. Wee.
P&L,
Raina
PS- Chemistry, FUCKAYOO!