(no subject)
I should be sleeping. I have work tomorrow and I should be sleeping. But it seems I have thoughts buzzing through my head and as of the moment they won't let me sleep until I loose them. I suppose I should be used to this by now, being that I haven't been sleeping well lately (mono's on it's way out, and therefore my disease-turned-sleeping-aid has ironically been exhausted). In the interests of making this as brief as possible, however, I'll get on with it.
I'm hoping I'm the only one that feels this way, but has anyone else's faith in the human capacity to maintain a steady relationship been shaken? Everywhere I look recently, it seems another couple is flying apart. Tabby and Jon, Dan and Jo, Jamie and Christina, Krikor and Lori... and all of these are within the last four months! I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with breaking up - I'd say that more often than not it's the healthiest option when a relationship turns overly sour - but all the same, I'm depressed by the notion that so many of the people around me are experiencing such heartache, and all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that it also, to some degree, causes my current confidence in my own relationship to waver. It's not that Tyler and I are experiencing any problems or anything, but rather that some superstitious nook in the back of my head can't shake the feeling that this sort of thing is contagious. It occurs to me right at this moment that, being that I'm moving into the same place as Tyler in less than a week, this may just be a very strange manifestation of cold feet. It's not to say that I don't want to, because I do, or that I'm terrified, because I'm not, but moving in with someone is a big step and I just worry sometimes that I might be pre-empting the natural flow of things. Five months pales in comparison to my last relationship (being that that was over six years), but isn't that a long time? What's the pre-ordained "move-in" interval? Note that I laugh as I ask that question, but these are things that occasionally crop up in my wanderings of thought. I have a habit of meandering off on a tangent while Tyler and I are just laying around, only to zone back in and inform him that I "went on a walk". Sometimes I think I think too much. I know I worry too much, but the medication has alleviated that a little. At least now I worry about logical, normal-person things. You know, as opposed to worrying about the minute possibility that I might die of undetected cancer tomorrow.
That being said, it would be biased of me not to consider that new relationships have been forged over this summer, too. There was Tyler and me (not "I" - grammatically incorrect), Dan and Jo (this is a confusing situation at best), and Chantal and Rob. I'm not claiming that any relationship can serve as my "rock" in this dilemma I'm having, but it's comforting to think that the relationship world isn't totally falling apart. Besides, I find myself rationalizing all this as a social cycle - we're not quite at that point, as early twenty-somethings, of wanting to settle down with someone and raise a family. At the point that you're in your latter years of university, you're starting to consider the notion, but by no means are we committed. I have to admit that I blame the student lifestyle for a fair portion of the instability a lot of us have seemed to experienced in our relationships. Think about it - university relationships function on all sorts of strange levels. There's the "I started dating you at university but now it's summer and we work in different cities" scenario, wherein couples who are used to seeing each other on a daily basis now function bi-weekly, or monthly, or sometimes not at all. Then there's the "I'm stressed and it's exams and my state of mind is garbage but I'm dating someone" situation, wherein both parties take out their frustrations on each other. I think my favourite, though, is the "I started dating you in high school but now we go to different universities and I want to experiment" scenario, mostly because it's the most common. The university lifestyle seems to utterly breed this infidelity thing, and so I have to give couples that manage to stay together a round of applause. Like Tyler and Meghan, who have been functioning long-distance from the beginning and do it extremely well, or Ang and Erik, who recently were married. These honestly are my "rock" relationships, that restore my faith in things working out for the better in the end. You hear that, people? I'm relying on you, so be happy!
On another bright note, August 29th is coming up, which is my last day of work but, more importantly, the day that I broke up with Liam. I'm not sure everyone I know would actually know about Liam, but nevertheless, all that needs to be known is that the day is extremely significant for me. Plainly stated, it was the day I finally garnered the strength to buck up and move on from what was clearly not good enough for me. It's funny - your parents can give you advice until you're blue in the face, but when it comes down to it, there are just some lessons you need to learn on your own. Your mother is always right, but that doesn't mean you're willing to admit it right away.
Anyway, I've spilled my heart and my head at this point (which has made an extremely unpleasant sort of goo, to be sure), and so I think I'll attempt this sleep thing again. If you take nothing else from this sprawling, tangential journal entry, at least take this: Never settle, never give up, and for Chrissakes, whatever you do, make sure that it's going to make you happy. There's a reason we pursue relationships, isn't there?
I'm hoping I'm the only one that feels this way, but has anyone else's faith in the human capacity to maintain a steady relationship been shaken? Everywhere I look recently, it seems another couple is flying apart. Tabby and Jon, Dan and Jo, Jamie and Christina, Krikor and Lori... and all of these are within the last four months! I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with breaking up - I'd say that more often than not it's the healthiest option when a relationship turns overly sour - but all the same, I'm depressed by the notion that so many of the people around me are experiencing such heartache, and all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that it also, to some degree, causes my current confidence in my own relationship to waver. It's not that Tyler and I are experiencing any problems or anything, but rather that some superstitious nook in the back of my head can't shake the feeling that this sort of thing is contagious. It occurs to me right at this moment that, being that I'm moving into the same place as Tyler in less than a week, this may just be a very strange manifestation of cold feet. It's not to say that I don't want to, because I do, or that I'm terrified, because I'm not, but moving in with someone is a big step and I just worry sometimes that I might be pre-empting the natural flow of things. Five months pales in comparison to my last relationship (being that that was over six years), but isn't that a long time? What's the pre-ordained "move-in" interval? Note that I laugh as I ask that question, but these are things that occasionally crop up in my wanderings of thought. I have a habit of meandering off on a tangent while Tyler and I are just laying around, only to zone back in and inform him that I "went on a walk". Sometimes I think I think too much. I know I worry too much, but the medication has alleviated that a little. At least now I worry about logical, normal-person things. You know, as opposed to worrying about the minute possibility that I might die of undetected cancer tomorrow.
That being said, it would be biased of me not to consider that new relationships have been forged over this summer, too. There was Tyler and me (not "I" - grammatically incorrect), Dan and Jo (this is a confusing situation at best), and Chantal and Rob. I'm not claiming that any relationship can serve as my "rock" in this dilemma I'm having, but it's comforting to think that the relationship world isn't totally falling apart. Besides, I find myself rationalizing all this as a social cycle - we're not quite at that point, as early twenty-somethings, of wanting to settle down with someone and raise a family. At the point that you're in your latter years of university, you're starting to consider the notion, but by no means are we committed. I have to admit that I blame the student lifestyle for a fair portion of the instability a lot of us have seemed to experienced in our relationships. Think about it - university relationships function on all sorts of strange levels. There's the "I started dating you at university but now it's summer and we work in different cities" scenario, wherein couples who are used to seeing each other on a daily basis now function bi-weekly, or monthly, or sometimes not at all. Then there's the "I'm stressed and it's exams and my state of mind is garbage but I'm dating someone" situation, wherein both parties take out their frustrations on each other. I think my favourite, though, is the "I started dating you in high school but now we go to different universities and I want to experiment" scenario, mostly because it's the most common. The university lifestyle seems to utterly breed this infidelity thing, and so I have to give couples that manage to stay together a round of applause. Like Tyler and Meghan, who have been functioning long-distance from the beginning and do it extremely well, or Ang and Erik, who recently were married. These honestly are my "rock" relationships, that restore my faith in things working out for the better in the end. You hear that, people? I'm relying on you, so be happy!
On another bright note, August 29th is coming up, which is my last day of work but, more importantly, the day that I broke up with Liam. I'm not sure everyone I know would actually know about Liam, but nevertheless, all that needs to be known is that the day is extremely significant for me. Plainly stated, it was the day I finally garnered the strength to buck up and move on from what was clearly not good enough for me. It's funny - your parents can give you advice until you're blue in the face, but when it comes down to it, there are just some lessons you need to learn on your own. Your mother is always right, but that doesn't mean you're willing to admit it right away.
Anyway, I've spilled my heart and my head at this point (which has made an extremely unpleasant sort of goo, to be sure), and so I think I'll attempt this sleep thing again. If you take nothing else from this sprawling, tangential journal entry, at least take this: Never settle, never give up, and for Chrissakes, whatever you do, make sure that it's going to make you happy. There's a reason we pursue relationships, isn't there?