Stepping Back & Looking Forward
So my days have been busy... crazy like... beyond crazy. I haven't had much time to write. There are so many changes taking place in my life that I have no control over...
I don't have long, but I just gotta get this out...
I’m tryin to take several steps back without walking away…
But it’s hard to walk a line that I can’t see
I can’t see myself not trying to make things work…
But I can’t see it working like this…
And really don’t understand how me backing up makes you come closer
And I’m trying…
I’m trying to step back…
Just far enough to make you step forward…
I’m trying to make you see that I don’t care…
I’m trying to make you see that I don’t need you
I’m trying to make you see that I’m the prize!
My grandma even said so!
I’m trying to make you see that I’m not like those other females
I’m trying to make you see that I won’t give up on you
I won’t give up on us
I won’t walk away from you
But you’re forcing me to step back… back… back away
I can’t see…. I can’t see anything anymore
You’re forcing me to trust you with everything
And that’s something I just can’t do
I need some input too.
I’m trying to make you call more and text less
I’m trying to make you care… without me having to act like I don’t care
So I’m trying to show you that I don’t care… to prove that I do?
I don’t understand.
You say I shouldn’t try to make you change… what do you think you are doing to me?
It seems like it’s going to take me walking away to make you show me what I mean to you…
to make you care how I feel…
to make you love me in return…
It seems like it’s going be too late…
Too late to care…
Too late to love…
Once I walk away all of me can’t return.
I could return partially broken, but how can anything be whole with broken and missing parts?
It would just be a waste of time… almost as big a waste of time as it seems to have been for me loving you and caring for you.
Obviously what you want is to be mistreated… see you would rather me not care, right? You’d rather me walk away and make you chase me, right? You’d like a challenge, right?
So you challenge me to challenge you?
And when its all said and done… when the challenge is over who really won?
What winnings do you expect to find?
My heart is a place of warmth. I long for your touch, the sound of your voice… I long for your love… because I loved you first.
I’d love to be needed by you… the way I could find myself needing you…
I’d love to be true to only you… be faithful to you… I didn’t lie when I said I would love you when you weren’t yourself...
But I never agreed to become someone else.
All I can be is me…
And I’m trying
I’m trying to step back…
Just far enough to make you step forward…
I’m trying to make you care like I care…
I’m trying to make you need me like I need you
I’m trying to make you see that you’re far to great a gift to walk away from
My mom even thinks so!
I’m trying to make you see that you don’t have to be cold with me because your warmth hurt you in the past
I’m trying to make you see that I refuse to give up on you
I refuse to give up on us
But you’re making me walk away from you
You’re forcing me to step back… back… back away
And I’m so far away that I can’t see…. I can’t see anything anymore
Open your eyes.
I’ll open mine.
We’ll walk hand in hand.
Things won’t be so bad.
If you would just give me a try.
Instead of trying to make me change.