(no subject)
Isn't it just so characteristic of me to start talking to myself at odd hours of the night. At least I don't do my self-characterization out loud.
alcohol, however little the amount
(obliterate all thoughts. you need it)
(a little's fine. don't be stupid)
seems to make you realize
(with such clarity)
(hazily)
just how fucked you really are
(doesn't dampen the buzz though)
(why remove logic, the thing that makes you better than an animal?)
since you aren't so able
(logic's not in the way)
(you're impaired)
to deny and refuse
(you mean living?)
(your logic is gone)
what you have been denying and refusing
(without those logical walls around your mind you can live a little)
(for good cause)
for longer than you remember
(haven't you been bored?)
(years of common sense and logic worked, didn't they?)
it kinda works as the catalyst or shock of cold air that forces you to realize that you actually have to do something
(once the buzz is gone. but live a little while it's still around)
(makes you realize logical walls and such aren't enough)
beyond just hoping that pushing it (meaning the situation/person) away will actually do something of value
(why push it/them away? you're happy. you don't need to. fuck morals)
(realizing you're more screwed than you thought)
and that it will actually convince your mind that it can and WILL NOT happen
(trying to convince me, your subconcious is a task you can't really master. I'm inside your mind always, anticipating all your moves)
(hang in there. you've done it before)
as it is wrong in all aspects of life as it exists today
(so your morals tell you. but they're party poopers)
(it is! don't fuck up)
then again
(so I AM still reigning supreme in this mind of yours.. took long enough to convince you of that)
(don't give in)
nothing IS wrong, considering the state of the world and the messed up things people do
(yes, you've got the picture now, my dear)
(hold onto what morals you can. cause once you start down this road, there ain't no way back)
but it would indeed be..
scandalous
(but doesn't that seem appealing? to do something so unexpected but alluring?)
(yes it would be that indeed. and you're not like that)
and I would have to...
(just let loose for once)
(be insane)
be in a depraved state of mind for it to come to pass
(define depraved, my dear. shedding your morals once in a while's not so bad. you need a break)
(yes indeed. and you're not at all inclined to depravity.)
which isn't always that far off
(that's right. depraved isn't always a bad thing. it's freedom)
(despite everything you won't shed it all. you're stronger than that)
is it?
(morals vs. subconcious. that uncertainty translates to a point for the subconcious)
(depravity is further away than you think)
why can't I just..
(live)
(think about something else)
be as flighty as all the other teenagers
(stop worrying about consequences. that's what your parents are for. you're more worried than most 30 year olds out there. get a real life)
(what do you have to gain from that? you've seen how stupid some of them have turned out.. wanna ruin all your hard work and grades)
and find interest and such in other situations
(be flighty, dammit.. you know it's more fun. remember?)
(leave that behind in gr 7. recall the embarrassment?)
I let one pass me by..
(if you were adventurous you wouldn't have)
(wise choice. you spent a long time thinking about it)
will I continue to do so? hopefully not
(you're damned right you won't)
(depends if it's right or not)
some other 'auspicious' sign/person (to quote indian folklore)
(shut up with the 'right' thing and live)
(don't need any more hurting)
will come along and make me forget
(oblivion is wonderful. go find it now. you need it)
(it'll be nice once it's right)
everything that I know I cannot acknowledge
(I've got work to do if I still haven't convinced you..)
(good you're still hanging on)
the day that happens... I will have found what I've been so restlessly searching for these past few years
(yeah you've been restless. find some sleep out there. literally)
(you do need to rest.. and you'll find it)
and all this will at last be far behind...
(lost in another much more favorable, if less scandalous, situation?)
(lost in the mists of time)
only to be remembered as the tortured and utterly useless
(tortured is right. should have just given in. you live your own life, no one else is in charge but you. you should do what you want)
(you put up the good fight and you need to continue to do so. you're stronger than you think. giving in is not an option)
ramblings
(ramblings defeat my purpose to convince you)
(ramblings help you find a purpose in listening to me)
of this random person.
(*off to plot your demise*)
(*claps* good job. go to sleep)
alcohol, however little the amount
(obliterate all thoughts. you need it)
(a little's fine. don't be stupid)
seems to make you realize
(with such clarity)
(hazily)
just how fucked you really are
(doesn't dampen the buzz though)
(why remove logic, the thing that makes you better than an animal?)
since you aren't so able
(logic's not in the way)
(you're impaired)
to deny and refuse
(you mean living?)
(your logic is gone)
what you have been denying and refusing
(without those logical walls around your mind you can live a little)
(for good cause)
for longer than you remember
(haven't you been bored?)
(years of common sense and logic worked, didn't they?)
it kinda works as the catalyst or shock of cold air that forces you to realize that you actually have to do something
(once the buzz is gone. but live a little while it's still around)
(makes you realize logical walls and such aren't enough)
beyond just hoping that pushing it (meaning the situation/person) away will actually do something of value
(why push it/them away? you're happy. you don't need to. fuck morals)
(realizing you're more screwed than you thought)
and that it will actually convince your mind that it can and WILL NOT happen
(trying to convince me, your subconcious is a task you can't really master. I'm inside your mind always, anticipating all your moves)
(hang in there. you've done it before)
as it is wrong in all aspects of life as it exists today
(so your morals tell you. but they're party poopers)
(it is! don't fuck up)
then again
(so I AM still reigning supreme in this mind of yours.. took long enough to convince you of that)
(don't give in)
nothing IS wrong, considering the state of the world and the messed up things people do
(yes, you've got the picture now, my dear)
(hold onto what morals you can. cause once you start down this road, there ain't no way back)
but it would indeed be..
scandalous
(but doesn't that seem appealing? to do something so unexpected but alluring?)
(yes it would be that indeed. and you're not like that)
and I would have to...
(just let loose for once)
(be insane)
be in a depraved state of mind for it to come to pass
(define depraved, my dear. shedding your morals once in a while's not so bad. you need a break)
(yes indeed. and you're not at all inclined to depravity.)
which isn't always that far off
(that's right. depraved isn't always a bad thing. it's freedom)
(despite everything you won't shed it all. you're stronger than that)
is it?
(morals vs. subconcious. that uncertainty translates to a point for the subconcious)
(depravity is further away than you think)
why can't I just..
(live)
(think about something else)
be as flighty as all the other teenagers
(stop worrying about consequences. that's what your parents are for. you're more worried than most 30 year olds out there. get a real life)
(what do you have to gain from that? you've seen how stupid some of them have turned out.. wanna ruin all your hard work and grades)
and find interest and such in other situations
(be flighty, dammit.. you know it's more fun. remember?)
(leave that behind in gr 7. recall the embarrassment?)
I let one pass me by..
(if you were adventurous you wouldn't have)
(wise choice. you spent a long time thinking about it)
will I continue to do so? hopefully not
(you're damned right you won't)
(depends if it's right or not)
some other 'auspicious' sign/person (to quote indian folklore)
(shut up with the 'right' thing and live)
(don't need any more hurting)
will come along and make me forget
(oblivion is wonderful. go find it now. you need it)
(it'll be nice once it's right)
everything that I know I cannot acknowledge
(I've got work to do if I still haven't convinced you..)
(good you're still hanging on)
the day that happens... I will have found what I've been so restlessly searching for these past few years
(yeah you've been restless. find some sleep out there. literally)
(you do need to rest.. and you'll find it)
and all this will at last be far behind...
(lost in another much more favorable, if less scandalous, situation?)
(lost in the mists of time)
only to be remembered as the tortured and utterly useless
(tortured is right. should have just given in. you live your own life, no one else is in charge but you. you should do what you want)
(you put up the good fight and you need to continue to do so. you're stronger than you think. giving in is not an option)
ramblings
(ramblings defeat my purpose to convince you)
(ramblings help you find a purpose in listening to me)
of this random person.
(*off to plot your demise*)
(*claps* good job. go to sleep)