Just another fuck
Ok so Saturday night was definently...i guess kind of what i had expected. Im not going to sit here and re-live the night for you all because that wouldnt be fair for me but lets just say..it killed a lot of emotion.
when I came home, At first I thought, Hmm, girl power, He was attracted to me. But then i really got to thinking (Which I really hate doing) and I thought, maybe thats all i am, just another fucck (even though i am still happy to say i am a virgin). I doubt a relationship was actually going to form, so i guess thats it, maybe all ill ever be, I dont seem to have that special little oomph that kicks in for "girlfriend material" or to have a guy actually have feelings for me as more than a friend...just another fucck.
Im kinda sickened a bit by the fact that this is how its going to be from now on. No more innocent little dates, where the "OMG he held my hand" thought rushes through. So much more is expected..and on the first time i see a guy as more than a friendship, i dont know how cool I am with that.
I can barely remember the last time I was just liked for me, and the other stuff could come later. Its that "Wow that girl is just so amazing" kinda feeling that i guess i just dont send off. I mean..I guess, even though i get joked around a lot for this, but Dating Aaron way back when was probably the best thing, because he liked my personality, my humor, the way i thought...he liked me, and he didnt give a shiit what kind of fucck i could have been.
Im not a girl thats just gonna do anything, call me a cold fish, i really dont care. Things come in time. But im not the kind of person that likes to be taken advantage of, and i dont think i should be put down for that. Dont try to make me feel bad because some guy had to go home and masterbate all on his lonesome...because honestly...i really just dont give a fucck.
So i refuse to let this get me down. Hey..i could be an amazing fucck. but theres so much more to me then just that...and if any guy cant see that..then i bet they're a terrible fuuck and i wouldnt want to do them anyways.
Be happy!
Lotsa Love,
Carolyn Rachel
when I came home, At first I thought, Hmm, girl power, He was attracted to me. But then i really got to thinking (Which I really hate doing) and I thought, maybe thats all i am, just another fucck (even though i am still happy to say i am a virgin). I doubt a relationship was actually going to form, so i guess thats it, maybe all ill ever be, I dont seem to have that special little oomph that kicks in for "girlfriend material" or to have a guy actually have feelings for me as more than a friend...just another fucck.
Im kinda sickened a bit by the fact that this is how its going to be from now on. No more innocent little dates, where the "OMG he held my hand" thought rushes through. So much more is expected..and on the first time i see a guy as more than a friendship, i dont know how cool I am with that.
I can barely remember the last time I was just liked for me, and the other stuff could come later. Its that "Wow that girl is just so amazing" kinda feeling that i guess i just dont send off. I mean..I guess, even though i get joked around a lot for this, but Dating Aaron way back when was probably the best thing, because he liked my personality, my humor, the way i thought...he liked me, and he didnt give a shiit what kind of fucck i could have been.
Im not a girl thats just gonna do anything, call me a cold fish, i really dont care. Things come in time. But im not the kind of person that likes to be taken advantage of, and i dont think i should be put down for that. Dont try to make me feel bad because some guy had to go home and masterbate all on his lonesome...because honestly...i really just dont give a fucck.
So i refuse to let this get me down. Hey..i could be an amazing fucck. but theres so much more to me then just that...and if any guy cant see that..then i bet they're a terrible fuuck and i wouldnt want to do them anyways.
Be happy!
Lotsa Love,
Carolyn Rachel