Flee from the lurking shadows
If I fill my life with drugs, sex, alcohol, and misanthropy....will my problems fade?
I know they won't go away entirely, but I need them to lessen.
Joshua haunts me in my dreams, so I am afraid to sleep. I haven't slept in34 hours and counting. I figure if I smoke enough shit I can stay up for at least a week.
I was in the shower and Zane came in behind me and wrapped his hand around my throat, he squeezed pretty hard and for a second I forgot where I was and who I was with and I thought Joshua and I came so hard.
After almost a year I'm still not over him?
Maybe it was my upbringing being conditioned to accept abuse as part of everyday upbringing.
Ever since Zane got out of jail, he's been in my mind. In a dark unexplored recess Joshua has been there, as well.
I need release.
I need to cut. I don't want to, not really, because I have such a nice streak of NOT doing it. It doesn't count when Zane does it for me either, because it's not self-injury.
I want him now.
I want him to cut me.
I want him to control me.
I want him to make perfectly clear to me that my desires are not what matter now.
I'm sick of thinking. I want all the unclean things my family fought so hard against.
I want.....I want...I want...
I know they won't go away entirely, but I need them to lessen.
Joshua haunts me in my dreams, so I am afraid to sleep. I haven't slept in34 hours and counting. I figure if I smoke enough shit I can stay up for at least a week.
I was in the shower and Zane came in behind me and wrapped his hand around my throat, he squeezed pretty hard and for a second I forgot where I was and who I was with and I thought Joshua and I came so hard.
After almost a year I'm still not over him?
Maybe it was my upbringing being conditioned to accept abuse as part of everyday upbringing.
Ever since Zane got out of jail, he's been in my mind. In a dark unexplored recess Joshua has been there, as well.
I need release.
I need to cut. I don't want to, not really, because I have such a nice streak of NOT doing it. It doesn't count when Zane does it for me either, because it's not self-injury.
I want him now.
I want him to cut me.
I want him to control me.
I want him to make perfectly clear to me that my desires are not what matter now.
I'm sick of thinking. I want all the unclean things my family fought so hard against.
I want.....I want...I want...