completely. hopeless.
he doesnt love me like he used he. he fucking shatters my heart, to pieces. its on the floor and im starring at it. but theres no way in hell i can pick it up in one, or two pieces. its like a mirror, impossible to put together. the pieces will always be gone. and what i am doing? basically begging him to love me again. what the fuck? i dont know why. my love for him is deep, but he isnt all that great...i know this. but i cant forget his face, the good times weve had. how happy hes made me. i cant. i cant get past realizing him and i not together. that our lives are apart, completely. someday. soon enough it will all be gone. friendships never last. i will never be able to except. i will have to hide. i will have to forget(move on) . find love in someone else. seems impossible. no not for me. i hate this, and im beginning to hate myself because of it. im so fucking upset at myself for hurting so much, for fucking putting up with it. for letting it happen. for not being able to actually fuction because of heartach. fuck heartach. fuck broken hearts. this shit doesnt happen to me, im stronger then this. i always have been, until he broke me. now im fucking broken. im done. its never going to be same, and for him its nothing big, nothing specail. thats it. im fucking stupid for letting him treat me like this, im stupid for loving him again, falling again. and letting him walk all over me. and still i call him for comfert, he tells me ill be ok! ok? fuck you. "youll be fine" fuck that. dont tell me things like that. are you fucking serious? your not in my possition. you arent in my shoes. never will you be. so i dont need your comfert, though i want to hear the sound of your voice. i want to feel you. i dont want to lose you. i hate you for doing this to me. i hate you for giving up, you are serious? that you want all you have, except me? what?, ok. ill let you go after i realize. i will snap. and i will be gone. there are way more people out there, tho they might not be able to match your smile. i will find a new. love. life. dream. direction. on my own. i dont need you like i think i do, but i love you. i fucking love you!. ok. fuck. im lost. im spinning. im falling. im sleeping. im dreaming. im forgetting, im ok. now. gone. but i love you. how many fucking times will i saw those words now and hear what you have to say, its not the same. fine. i wont give you my love, because you dont deserve it. i cant hate you. im trying so fucking hard. thats what it is, love. fuck. i hate it, though i love it. i want to say this all to you. but i dont, i shouldnt bury you anyways. your on your own, dont tell me there is a chance, because if you think there is. when you want it, i will be gone. and im fucking serious. if your going to let me float away now. im gone. like a balloon, gone. so im sorry youve made this decision. im sorry to myself. im sorry i will hurt unberrably for awhile. that i will randomly be stabbed in the heart over and over again to the point where i wont be able to breathe. slow. slowly, i will catch myself, my breath, and i will be ok. everytime will be easier, until its gone forever. i love you. i fucking love you, and thats all thats left. im sorry. im sorry. you will miss me. you will never fucking find someone like me, and im more then you made me out to be. all those negative fucking things you said, your reason for falling out of love with me. bullshit. everyone has shit the do wrong. but if your in love. you dont care. YOU FUCKING LOVE THEM ANYWAYS.