How are you still single?
This week's greeting to Michael was "Michael, I bring you my undeserving flesh and tired body, ready to suffer the pain under your powerful hands in the hopes of better me at the end."
He busted out laughing, gave me an appraising look the way Black guys can and white guys never mastered and said "Mm, mm, mmm... Girl, you are so fine, how are you still single?" I was like "Awww, Michael, thank you. It is good thing I am so much older than you are otherwise I'd be asking when we are going on a date." He replied with "Girl, I did ask you out." I was like "Ahh... shit you did, you did! But you are 32 and I am 47, we both know what that date is all about!"
Putting joke part aside the convo played in my head the whole day. I know why I am single today. For variety of reasons, I don't put myself out there to meet people. 30th is also no brainer. But... but... but... why was I single so frequently in my 20th.
At first, I was thinking "Well, duh, because you were fat." Except the fat didn't happen until I was 30. I was chubby, in a very much adorable and attractive way. The simple truth was my self-esteem was absolute shit. I worked very hard every day to pretend that I was confident but didn't truly believe I was worthy of genuine attention from interesting guys.
I vividly remember 3 guys from my earlier years of college. All 3 were tall, hot, smart, had their shit together as much as it is possible to have your shit together in early 20th, there was lots of chemistry and attraction between us. Guys tried to pursue me. And what did I do? Sabotaged every single attempt! Like an idiot! Because I was an idiot!
Thank Gd I managed to un-idiot myself. Today I am 47, legit fat, and I am glowing! I just don't give two shits (I don't even give one shit!) about anyone's opinion about me, my body, my mind, my soul. You don't like me? Oh well! I love myself, and that's all that matters.