How Kylo Ren Stole Christmas

[x_lydia]

Lyrics by Susanna R. A. Miller
Tune: You're a mean one, Mr Grinch

You're a mean one, Kylo Ren,
You really are a brat,
You've the diplomatic savvy
of a scratching hissing cat,
Kylo Ren.
You're a walking immaturity in a tinny black hat.

You're a monster, Kylo Ren,
Your heart's an airless void,
Your brain is full of static,
Your soul, underemployed,
Kylo Ren,
I wouldn't touch you with a remote-controlled
maintenance droid.

You're a vile one, Kylo Ren,
You have Mynocks in your head,
Sympathetic as a Sarlacc in its shifty sandy bed,
Kylo Ren,
Given the choice between the two of you,
I'd take my chances with the Sarlacc
even if it hasn't been fed.

You're a foul one, Kylo Ren,
You're as nasty as can be,
Your heart is full of Bantha guts,
Your soul's a hungry flea,
Kylo Ren,
The three words that best describe you
are as follows (and I quote)
Me! Me! Me!

You're a rotter, Kylo Ren,
Your have no self-control,
Your heart has flares and sunspots,
There's lava in your soul,
Kylo Ren,

Your personality is a detention-level trash compactor
overflowing with the most unstable
assortment of hazardous materials imaginable,
with the radiation levels of an energy-sucking black hole.

You disappoint me, Kylo Ren,
with dysfunction's dismal dis,
You'd the power and potential
to be better far than this,
Kylo Ren,

You're a three-credit masked
melodrama villain
With a half-credit hiss!