(no subject)
9 days...but I'm not that happy. I mean I am and I know I need to go back, but it's kind of hard! Like, I know if I lived out here in Arizona, live would be really fucked up because I wouldn't be going to the same school as my friends, I would barely see my Dad, I would mostly be by myself, and just a bunch of more stuff. Like in CT, I'm used to going shopping mostly everyday, seeing my Mom mostly everyday, idk..things are better out in CT but I just hate leaving people. Seeing them cry is the worst thing and I can't take it! I mean, if my Dad cries at the airport, then I am completely fucked! lol Because I can't stand when my Dad cries. I hope he doesn't! It takes alot for him to cry and if he does at the airport, then OMG I'm gunna fucking lose it! Gr..why do things have to be soo difficult? I don't even understand why we moved to Arizona in the first place..Yea my mom was sick and could have prolly died but it had to be all the way in fucking Arizona! Why not Alabama or something. lol She prolly planned it! Haha..oh well.. I dont know why I'm thinking about it, it was 3 years ago and everyone moved on. But still. It's hard. And I don't want it to be. But I guess I have to deal with it right? I just wish my sister was here to help me. Than things wouldn't be so hard. God.. everyone in my family puts me in the middle. It's fucking hard. I don't even know why I put up with it! I should move to Chicago with my sister! Than it wouldn't be hard at all! I wish I could! That would be awesome! But I guess I have to go back to Ct...live with my Mom and Robert..but it's hard because no-one in my family (except for my alchoholic grandma) likes my Mom and Robert..and of course, she's my fucking mother so everywhere I go in my family, I hear about how fucked up my mom is and that she tore my family apart and just all of this other bull shit that I don't want to fucking hear. God! And my Dad does it to and it pisses me off! Everyone that talks about her pisses me off. Yea, my mom isn't one of the best people in the world and I don't really like her either but still....she is still my mother and I do love her but grr..... idk what to do.. It's really confusing!