ughh.

[x_lost_cause_xx]

well it has been a rough few days. not only is my dad becoming more of an ass, but im missing zach more and more. i have my license, but i cant drive. i need a job so i can pay for car insurance. i put an application in at marzonis..and told my dad. and he still managed to find soemthing to yell at me about. "you wont get enough hours for what you have to pay for" whatever i guess. i just cant please him, no matter what i do. nothing is good enough, and nothing is done right. if it doesnt have to do with him he doesnt want to have anything to do with it. he is a selfish, two-faced jerk. i hate it so much when my friends come over, or zach comes over and he is all fake happy and laughing/joking around. and then when they leave he screams at me for everything that he can find! sometimes it doesnt even make sense what he says. i dont get how someone can be that cold hearted. is it not soposed to be the daddy who loves his little girl? well not here. i hate how he treats my brother so nice all the time. im so jealous and it keeps building up inside of me. i can bareley take it anymore. sometimes i find it hard to sleep at night anymore. the stress is getting to me, worse than ever. i can not wait till the beach because it will be a week away from everything. i can just relax and have a good time with my family and my best friend natalie. =0( ill miss you more than anything though zach. and hopefully when i get back, my dad wont be so agrivated with me. and i hate how he pretend he knows what he is talking about when he doesnt. and i hate how he thinks he knows me when he knows nothing, i mean nothing about me. i hate how he expects me to talk to him when i cant and hate to. he forces me to talk! i mean he grounds me if i dont. i cant help it i dont like him. you cant force someone to like someone...it just doenst work that way. and i hate the way after a big argument you expect to come back and talk to me and be all buddy buddy after 10 minutes pass. hello! im still pissed off! just because you arent anymore doesnt mean im not anymore. it just ahh makes me so upset. HE is the reason for my depression (that i am comming out of, thank you to all my friends and especially zach <3 for sticking with me) He is the big reason i USED to cut (do NOT anymore) HE is the reason i cried myself to sleep at night (still do on occasions) HE is the reason that i can't sleep at night anymore HE is the reason im so stressed HE is the one pushing me off the edge HE is the one driving me fucking insane! i can NOT take it anymore. sometimes i just want to punch him so hard right in the face. i cant take his lies, and the pain he causes me anymore. i need to get away from it all, but i know then when i do or try to it will only get worse. i guess i just have to suck it up. i can do it..im strong i think..im a big girl. ill live. well im done bitching. i could go on for days but im done boring you! thanks for reading all this if you did. comment if you wish. i would really appriciate it. i love you guys!

i love you with all that i have in my heart zach <33 i miss you.

¤..nik