(no subject)
The past few nights my nightly routine as remained so consistent. I draw a bath, add bubbles, get in, and cry. I have been crying my little eyes out and praying to God that He would answer my prayers. I have questioned EVERYTHING He is doing in my life and asked Him continousley, "Hear my cry. Let me hear You speak. Please answer me."
I have questioned the purpose of my long visit in Alaska. Back home a true revolution is about to take place in the cities and I am not even there to be apart of it. God has brought over 50 people to the Him through Jericho (our weekly prayer meeting), mutiple healings have taken place, Ronney Howard Brown is AT MY CHURCH, and the Great Awakening is coming to Cocoa, Florida (5 mins from my house). In Miami just last month over 33,000 souls were won to Christ, and they are coming to Cocoa. God is burdening the hearts of all of the churches. Yet, I am not there, and God is moving.
I have daily cried out in hope of an answer of what He is going to do with Christopher and I's relationship and whether or not it is supposed to be. All He has to say is, "Yes or no." It is so simple, yet He is withholding it from me, and I keep hearing, "Just wait on me." I have been hurt, frustrated, and annoyed over the past few weeks. If God says no, that's okay, but I just want to know! I keep re-thinking over and over again everything and it has gotten me absolutely no where.
But then tonight, after my bath and long cry. I got into bed, put on worship music, and He began to speak. Who am I to question what God is doing and the way He is doing it? He is not up there in heaven surprised by what is going on in my life. He is not saying, "HEY JESUS, do you see what's going on in Allysar's life? What in the world are we going to do here?"
He just wants me to trust Him. I have took matters into my own hands thinking of myself as blameless before Him. All this time I have been pursuing an answer to who the "one" is in my life. Yet, forgetting the ONE right in front of me. I have been seeking and pursuing the love on another, while neglecting His love reached out to me. All this time I have dwelt on what God is doing back home, yet neglected all the things that God is doing and speaking to me right here in Fairbanks, Alaska. That was the exact same mistake that Job made. Always questioning God. He just wants me to run to Him and repent. I do not have un-failing faith (yet), I do not trust Him completely (yet), but I pray for this daily. One thing I do know is that I Iove Him. I love Him more than anything in the world, and without Him, I am nothing.
Tonight, He showed His love to me in such simple words, but it was exactly what I needed..
"You are not forgotten."
I know that the blessing is coming and although this road the past year has not been easy, God is taking me to places anew, and I will trust in Him there.
For God may speak in one way, or in another,
Yet man does not perceive it.
In a dream, in a vision of the night,
When deep sleep falls upon men,
While slumbering on their beds,
Then He opens the ears of men,
And seals their instruction.
(Job 33v14-16)
"If God is silent, what's that to you?
If he turns his face away, what can you do about it?
But whether silent or hidden, he's there, ruling,
so that those who hate God won't take over
and ruin people's lives.
(Job 34v29-30)
But it is the spirit in a man,
the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding.
It is not only the old who are wise,
not only the aged who understand what is right.
(Job 32v8-9)
“Behold, God is great, and we do not know Him;
Nor can the number of His years be discovered.
For He draws up drops of water,
Which distill as rain from the mist,
Which the clouds drop down
And pour abundantly on man.
Indeed, can anyone understand the spreading of clouds,
The thunder from His canopy?
(Job 36v26-29)
God thunders marvelously with His voice;
He does great things which we cannot comprehend.
For He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth’;
Likewise to the gentle rain and the heavy rain of His strength.
( Job 37v5-6)
This is my prayer:
Then Job answered the LORD and said:
“I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.
You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
Listen, please, and let me speak;
You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’
“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
But now my eye sees You.
Therefore I abhor myself,
And repent in dust and ashes.”
(Job 42v1-6)
You called my name
Reached out Your hand
Restored my life
And I was redeemed
The moment You entered my life
Amazing grace
Christ gave that day
My life was changed
Went from my shoulders
Fell the weight of my sin
So it’s with everything I am
I reach out for Your hand
The hope that changed a second chance I’ve gained
On You I throw my life
Casting all my fears aside
How could greater love than this
Ever possibly exist
Consume my thoughts
As I rest in You
I’m now in love with a Saviour
Bearing the marks of His love
So I wait upon You now
With my hands released to You
Where a little faith’s enough
To see mountains lift and move
Yeah I wait upon You now
Dedicated to Your will
To this love that will remain
A love that never fails