hello strangerrr
well, i never write in here anymore, nor does anyone really read what's here anyway. but, perhaps sorting out my thoughts will make me feel a little better. this past month has been so extremely difficult for me. coming back to fordham was like starting freshman year all over again, due to not knowing my roommates, and generally feeling ridiculously out of place. i hadn't been on this campus since december of 2006. after all that time and all the experiences i encountered (being in europe for 5 months) i stood on this campus and i felt like a completely different person. i am completely changed in a place that has stayed the same. although it's hard to deal with, like everything else, we adjust and adapt. it is getting easier every day, but i miss spain more and more every second that passes and it just kills me sometimes. another weight on my shoulder is the constant reminder that i'm graduating in 8 months. i have no idea where i am going to end up and what i'm going to be doing. i feel completely unprepared for my future. i feel paranoid every day that i'm not doing enough to job search or look into grad programs etc. for me, the scariest feeling in the world is having NO idea what your life is going to look like one year from right now. it's a constant anxiety. i'm trying to just roll with the punches and take it one day at a time, but for those who know me realize that it is nearly impossible for me to do so. i need to get motivated. i'm hoping colorguard will help me to get up and work, instead of me being the lazy thing i've been all summer and all semester. i'm starting to go to the gym again (finally) and pushing through my school work. i don't like any of my classes (especially my spanish class) which is disapointing as well. i realize i'm in a transition period, but i need to get out of this funk. hopefully i can snap myself out of it soon.