(no subject)
Chad is back! My little Spring Break lover boy is back. And cuter than ever. Ugh...I hate all this confusement about what to do. I like Chad. I really do. Its just that I know that if I was to go back out with Chad, I could never really trust him just because he's almost as bad a player as me. But its like people always say, "Girls always fall for the guys who treat them the worst instead of the guys who treat them like a queen." And man is it the truth. Brandon would do anything in the world for me and treats me so good. And I know without a doubt that he loves me, and I love him too a lot. But its like I'm not ready to stay so committed because it always feels like there's more out there that I may be missing out on. And I know that I'm taking advantage of the fact that Brandon trusts me so much and that he loves me. And I know that he wont always be there, especially if he finds out that I kissed Chad. But Chad is one of those people who has "the effect". He quite literally makes me go weak in the knees. I know other people may not see why, but its just my opinion. So I like spending time with Chad a lot, he's fun to be around. But I also love spending time with Brandon and he makes me feel good. It feels wrong when he has to leave, like he supose to be with me. Even at night it feels like something is missing because he isnt there beside me. So I confuse myself because of this: If Brandon makes me so happy, and we love each other, then why do I think about Chad and want him to although he isnt nearly as good to me as Brandon. I know that the right thing to do would probably be to just take a break from dating ANYONE for a while, and just see different people instead of getting serious with any one person. Its just that Brandon is already telling me that he loves me too, and he hates being away from me. So I cant bear to break up with him. Plus I know that it'd drive me crazy not being with him. I just dont know how to draw a line between being friends with Chad and not caring about him, rather than being more than friends and cheating on Brandon. I really need to work on my impulses.