audrey's journal entry...
i got this from audrey's journal on myspace...
"what was...just isnt..
well..this is my first entry..or whatever you would like to call it...i never had put one before because i never knew what to say...now i do...its been on my mind for the longest time...it feels like forever...and i guess im thinking that if i put it down..it will be better...it wont go away ..i know that already...but ..just be better...it started my 8th grade year..when i met this girl..she was the most beautiful thing..everything about her was just...beautiful...there is no other word to describe that...i took in every word that she spoke..every look that she gave...every way that she moved ..slept...she was everything...i put everything into her...and she knew that...our friendship grew stronger and faster than anything i had ever experienced before...time went on and i found that i was in love with her...and she was with me...we had almost grown into one person...we also..promised eachother things...that we wouldnt do..and thats what a relationship is about ..isnt it? trust..honesty...we werent exclusively together so im not saying that she cheated one me..but it still is something that was equally as important...i will not go into the story of what happened because, honestly, i dont think its right..and its not my story to tell...but she did hurt me...and i dont think that she really knows how much..how much it effected me..and i know that she is sorry...and as much as what happened..every sight...every sound...is imprinted in my head...i was still there when she really needed me...but when things started to go back to normal...or however close it could be...i know that i began to pull away...and its not that i stopped caring totally...but when what happened happened...i shut down...to everything...everyone..i became a different person...and i am trying to this day to get it back together...things just got stupid after that...i would want to see her one day...and she would never call back...she would want to see me...but i had something planned...we fell apart...slowly but surely...i dont hate her...i still care...i dont know if we will have even remotely what we had before...but i thank god for that time of my life...because i would never ever ask for it back...when she was gone...i drifted...i had no one...at least thats how i felt..i was alone...i stopped going out...and when i stopped bars went around the house to hold me in...heh..but thats another story...i found someone...and we became friends...then started dating...and then one day when i was in my room... just thinking about him...i realized i didnt feel empty anymore...i didnt feel alone...my void was filled...and that i wanted to be with him...past ..and present...began to bicker...she didnt like him...he didnt like her...and things got bad...and i had to let go...of her....it killed me...but i have something great...and i couldnt go back...i didnt know how...so i held on to him...and then ...we fell in love...we've been together for one year and 5 months yesterday...and its been wonderful...we are everything to eachother....hes trying to pick me up..make me stronger...bring me back...i am too...i know i will get there...then if the opportunity presents itself..i will be strong enough to go back into my past...and face what was so hard for me to leave behind...her..."
personally i dont kno what to think. i dont kno what to say. and i dont kno what to do. i CANT let her go. i CANT get her out of my head. she was BY FAR my FIRST love EVER! over mike. over anyone. it was HER. i just. i feel like. i feel like fucking shit!!! like i lost the best thing i had because i was too fucking stupid to see what it was i actually did have. what it was she REALLY WAS giving me! im mad. im crying. i want to fucking scream. and i have no fucking idea how to take this or handle this. i want to be happy for her. i want her to move on completely. be with jason. whatever that is she wants. but FUCK... not ONE person EVER compares to her. and the fact that i was replaced by a lying son of a bitch fucking pisses me off! even more so cause she will say i broke a promise to her and this fucking asshole has lied straight to her fucking face! AH! i kno i need to let this go. it happened... so long ago. but this journal entry of hers was entered on april 16. and it just brought up ALL THIS old SHIT! i try to forget her. it try to move on. but any girl i kiss... touch... even look at just doesnt fucking measure up. WTF IS MY PROBLEM!?!?!?! IF SHES MOVEDON SO NICELY WHY CANT I!?!?!?!
"what was...just isnt..
well..this is my first entry..or whatever you would like to call it...i never had put one before because i never knew what to say...now i do...its been on my mind for the longest time...it feels like forever...and i guess im thinking that if i put it down..it will be better...it wont go away ..i know that already...but ..just be better...it started my 8th grade year..when i met this girl..she was the most beautiful thing..everything about her was just...beautiful...there is no other word to describe that...i took in every word that she spoke..every look that she gave...every way that she moved ..slept...she was everything...i put everything into her...and she knew that...our friendship grew stronger and faster than anything i had ever experienced before...time went on and i found that i was in love with her...and she was with me...we had almost grown into one person...we also..promised eachother things...that we wouldnt do..and thats what a relationship is about ..isnt it? trust..honesty...we werent exclusively together so im not saying that she cheated one me..but it still is something that was equally as important...i will not go into the story of what happened because, honestly, i dont think its right..and its not my story to tell...but she did hurt me...and i dont think that she really knows how much..how much it effected me..and i know that she is sorry...and as much as what happened..every sight...every sound...is imprinted in my head...i was still there when she really needed me...but when things started to go back to normal...or however close it could be...i know that i began to pull away...and its not that i stopped caring totally...but when what happened happened...i shut down...to everything...everyone..i became a different person...and i am trying to this day to get it back together...things just got stupid after that...i would want to see her one day...and she would never call back...she would want to see me...but i had something planned...we fell apart...slowly but surely...i dont hate her...i still care...i dont know if we will have even remotely what we had before...but i thank god for that time of my life...because i would never ever ask for it back...when she was gone...i drifted...i had no one...at least thats how i felt..i was alone...i stopped going out...and when i stopped bars went around the house to hold me in...heh..but thats another story...i found someone...and we became friends...then started dating...and then one day when i was in my room... just thinking about him...i realized i didnt feel empty anymore...i didnt feel alone...my void was filled...and that i wanted to be with him...past ..and present...began to bicker...she didnt like him...he didnt like her...and things got bad...and i had to let go...of her....it killed me...but i have something great...and i couldnt go back...i didnt know how...so i held on to him...and then ...we fell in love...we've been together for one year and 5 months yesterday...and its been wonderful...we are everything to eachother....hes trying to pick me up..make me stronger...bring me back...i am too...i know i will get there...then if the opportunity presents itself..i will be strong enough to go back into my past...and face what was so hard for me to leave behind...her..."
personally i dont kno what to think. i dont kno what to say. and i dont kno what to do. i CANT let her go. i CANT get her out of my head. she was BY FAR my FIRST love EVER! over mike. over anyone. it was HER. i just. i feel like. i feel like fucking shit!!! like i lost the best thing i had because i was too fucking stupid to see what it was i actually did have. what it was she REALLY WAS giving me! im mad. im crying. i want to fucking scream. and i have no fucking idea how to take this or handle this. i want to be happy for her. i want her to move on completely. be with jason. whatever that is she wants. but FUCK... not ONE person EVER compares to her. and the fact that i was replaced by a lying son of a bitch fucking pisses me off! even more so cause she will say i broke a promise to her and this fucking asshole has lied straight to her fucking face! AH! i kno i need to let this go. it happened... so long ago. but this journal entry of hers was entered on april 16. and it just brought up ALL THIS old SHIT! i try to forget her. it try to move on. but any girl i kiss... touch... even look at just doesnt fucking measure up. WTF IS MY PROBLEM!?!?!?! IF SHES MOVEDON SO NICELY WHY CANT I!?!?!?!