I give up on everyone that mattered to me!
I give up people.. I give up on Lauren..I give up on Ryan, I give up on ____!
Most of all, I give up on someone who I learned a lot from, someone I trusted, and who really never let me down unitl now..Steph. It hurts, for the first time in my life...I'm dissappointed in her. I'm a different person now, and I feel like I've learned from my mistakes..I feel like I can no longer live my life with people using me, or just walking all over me.. I give up on all my faults that I used to have. See, the thing is, Steph never really let me down before..but this hurt alot.. I mean, its something I expect from Lauren, but not her. Fuck it! I go around with a smile on my face, pretending I'm okay, but the truth is I really hate what people put me through, and it eats away at me..I'm not a very strong person, and I will admit that with no hesitation..I'm sick of people making a fool out of me, and most of all I'm sick of sitting back and letting it happen. I just have the fuck everyone attitude now-a-days...and I really don't give a shit..I feel stronger as a person now. I like it! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm nice to everyone now, and I have my aquaintances...but I will not trust anyone other than my family with anything ever again. The funny part about it is..Lauren wrote this entry before about feeling like we had no history together and stuff...lol..well, what the fuck? If anyone should feel like that it should be me..she makes me feel stupid, and makes me look like a fool..Like yesterday for example..we had plans to hang out..but she told me she wasn't allowed out until around 2:00ish, but it turned out she was with Jer, Steph, and Kev..Shauna saw thema and told me..my fac e literally dropped..I mean, I know she's like that, but she was just telling me how she loves when we're together, and hates when we fight...but whatever...I kept calling her, adn my calls were constantly getting ignored..so I called Steph's phone and asked for Laur..I just wanted to see what was going on..and Laur hung up...Like really, have the fucking balls to admit your a bitch! And anyways, I was like what the fuck..and I cryed for a few minutes until I realized it was pointless, and not worth it. I called back to talk to her..but this time I called from Laurie's phone...Chris answered it and said she wasn't there and stuff..but I'm not dumb..and plus, Steph told Shauna today ..that Laur said "It's Ashlee calling from another number!" and gave it to Chris..?? mmmh..I don't get it though..Like, 4th period yesterday, everything was fine, and all of a sudden, she wanted nothing to do with me..Nice friends I have...eh? Just fucking amazing! But its all good..I don't let it bother me..I talk to her like everything's fine./..I don't understand what all that was about yesterday, but I know that it's not worth fighting over..I just don't trust her..or anyone for that matter..It sucks, cause I love her to death, and I used to trust her with everything, and I wish I can get that back..guess not..too busy trying to make me look stupid!
And I know there will be a reply..but I'd rather not..This is my journal, adn my time to vent.. I really don't need a comment Laur..we can talk it out..casue all you'll do is sweitch shit around, and we will end up arguing on here and not talk for another 2 months..so just end it...this is what I had to say..It's my journal and that's what its for..Anyways..I asked her to hang out today..In 4th period, she said yeah, then in front of Jer before 6th shes like I don't know..haha, we'll see how it goes!
Aside from getting shit on, yesterday was pretty aweome! I was with Liz, Laurie, Jimmy, Mike, Nick and we went to Wal MArt and played tag..lol..It was a good time. Then later that night we hit of Kmart, and went to DC...It was a pretty fun day..Me and Nick had a pretty serious conversation in my car..He told me something, and I gave hinm my advice, ane he did the same for me..Let's just say, we know what's going on in each others personal lives right now..He's a good person to talk to..I know I can trust him too..thats the best part. Well, getting ready for another fun-filled day today. I love my life now, even though I have asshole friends =)
xo.
Sometimes..things just arn't worth it!
Most of all, I give up on someone who I learned a lot from, someone I trusted, and who really never let me down unitl now..Steph. It hurts, for the first time in my life...I'm dissappointed in her. I'm a different person now, and I feel like I've learned from my mistakes..I feel like I can no longer live my life with people using me, or just walking all over me.. I give up on all my faults that I used to have. See, the thing is, Steph never really let me down before..but this hurt alot.. I mean, its something I expect from Lauren, but not her. Fuck it! I go around with a smile on my face, pretending I'm okay, but the truth is I really hate what people put me through, and it eats away at me..I'm not a very strong person, and I will admit that with no hesitation..I'm sick of people making a fool out of me, and most of all I'm sick of sitting back and letting it happen. I just have the fuck everyone attitude now-a-days...and I really don't give a shit..I feel stronger as a person now. I like it! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm nice to everyone now, and I have my aquaintances...but I will not trust anyone other than my family with anything ever again. The funny part about it is..Lauren wrote this entry before about feeling like we had no history together and stuff...lol..well, what the fuck? If anyone should feel like that it should be me..she makes me feel stupid, and makes me look like a fool..Like yesterday for example..we had plans to hang out..but she told me she wasn't allowed out until around 2:00ish, but it turned out she was with Jer, Steph, and Kev..Shauna saw thema and told me..my fac e literally dropped..I mean, I know she's like that, but she was just telling me how she loves when we're together, and hates when we fight...but whatever...I kept calling her, adn my calls were constantly getting ignored..so I called Steph's phone and asked for Laur..I just wanted to see what was going on..and Laur hung up...Like really, have the fucking balls to admit your a bitch! And anyways, I was like what the fuck..and I cryed for a few minutes until I realized it was pointless, and not worth it. I called back to talk to her..but this time I called from Laurie's phone...Chris answered it and said she wasn't there and stuff..but I'm not dumb..and plus, Steph told Shauna today ..that Laur said "It's Ashlee calling from another number!" and gave it to Chris..?? mmmh..I don't get it though..Like, 4th period yesterday, everything was fine, and all of a sudden, she wanted nothing to do with me..Nice friends I have...eh? Just fucking amazing! But its all good..I don't let it bother me..I talk to her like everything's fine./..I don't understand what all that was about yesterday, but I know that it's not worth fighting over..I just don't trust her..or anyone for that matter..It sucks, cause I love her to death, and I used to trust her with everything, and I wish I can get that back..guess not..too busy trying to make me look stupid!
And I know there will be a reply..but I'd rather not..This is my journal, adn my time to vent.. I really don't need a comment Laur..we can talk it out..casue all you'll do is sweitch shit around, and we will end up arguing on here and not talk for another 2 months..so just end it...this is what I had to say..It's my journal and that's what its for..Anyways..I asked her to hang out today..In 4th period, she said yeah, then in front of Jer before 6th shes like I don't know..haha, we'll see how it goes!
Aside from getting shit on, yesterday was pretty aweome! I was with Liz, Laurie, Jimmy, Mike, Nick and we went to Wal MArt and played tag..lol..It was a good time. Then later that night we hit of Kmart, and went to DC...It was a pretty fun day..Me and Nick had a pretty serious conversation in my car..He told me something, and I gave hinm my advice, ane he did the same for me..Let's just say, we know what's going on in each others personal lives right now..He's a good person to talk to..I know I can trust him too..thats the best part. Well, getting ready for another fun-filled day today. I love my life now, even though I have asshole friends =)
xo.
Sometimes..things just arn't worth it!