(no subject)
I loved visiting school again. I really missed everyone so much, I can't even express it. I can't express the misery and guilt of not returning to them, how much I dwelled and cried over each and every one of them. And I came home to find two loving people waiting for me as well. I felt so incredibly lucky. And my therapist dug into me a bunch... despite getting a job and trying to think positively and forward, it doesn't seem like it's enough.
I felt good, I didn't feel the need to get drunk, to get high, to hole up by myself. And I didn't necessarily feel happy, but I felt glad, and that's the closest to happiness I've had in a while, and I will appreciate what I can get.
I suddenly am dropping, though. I don't feel right, I feel like maybe everything was momentary. I want to hide and smoke and drink and then sleep and forget. Which isn't right. I should do those things for good reasons, not bad. And yet, it feels best to ride out these damp spells in that sort of way.
I love my friends so much. So why is it that I cannot love myself?
I felt good, I didn't feel the need to get drunk, to get high, to hole up by myself. And I didn't necessarily feel happy, but I felt glad, and that's the closest to happiness I've had in a while, and I will appreciate what I can get.
I suddenly am dropping, though. I don't feel right, I feel like maybe everything was momentary. I want to hide and smoke and drink and then sleep and forget. Which isn't right. I should do those things for good reasons, not bad. And yet, it feels best to ride out these damp spells in that sort of way.
I love my friends so much. So why is it that I cannot love myself?