fic!
TITLE: A Psychiatric Evaluation of the Pittsburgh Penguins
AUTHOR: Jennie
CHARACTERS: Colby Armstrong & Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins (with other various Pens making an appearance)
SUMMARY: Self-actualization can come at any age.RATING: PG 13- one curse word.
DISCLAIMER: Everything written in this story is fiction. :)
A/N: Italicized portions = Psychiatrist
A hidden clause in the NHL’s Collective Bargaining Agreement, which resulted from the lockout of the 2004-2005 season, stated that all players must be evaluated by a trained sports psychologist yearly.
Randomly selected entries compiled from the collection of mandatory psychiatric evaluation of NHL players as made in the 2006-2007 season can be found below:
Client Name: Colby Armstrong
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Tell me about your job.
Well, I play professional hockey. I’m not really famous. I mean, I get stopped on the street and stuff, but I’m not as famous as some of the other guys on our team, like Sidney. He practically needs a body guard. It’s funny; I think I’m more known for being his best friend than for actually playing hockey.
How does that make you feel?
It doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like the media is lying. I’m his best friend on the team, but I don’t think he’s ever really had a best friend. I feel bad for him sometimes. Sid’s whole life has revolved around his hockey career. He’s never had a childhood. You can tell that when we go out. All of the guys will be chatting up the ladies and, it’s not that he doesn’t talk to the girls because groups of them will always come up to him and ask for his autograph. He’ll sign everything and the girls will flirt with him and he’ll flirt back, but it’s playful flirting. It’s not the type of flirting where the guy tries to get into the girl’s pants. I’ve never seen a straight guy do that. It’s hard to explain. It’s like he skipped the part of his life where you test everything out and discover yourself sexually.
So you feel like you need to care for him?
I guess. I don’t know. These questions make me think too much.
That’s alright. We’ll go to an easier subject. Tell me about your last relationship.
It was a disaster. She couldn’t understand why I would rather go out every night than be with her. I’m still young. I want to look back on these years when I’m 80 years old and say, “Damn, I had a good time.” She limited me. I like being a free bird, and with her, I felt like I was a caged elephant.
Tell me about your other team mates.
What do you want to know?
What do you want to tell me?
We’re all really close to one another. Even Geno hangs out with us, and he barely speaks English. If I could think of one person who’s left out a lot, it’s probably Jordan.
Why do you think that is?
He’s very confident. I’ve never seen anyone as young as him know themselves that well. It’s crazy. But I think guys are a bit put off by it. I know I am at times and I can get along with everyone. He expects everyone to like him, probably because they always have. Everywhere he’s gone he’s been A Staal, so everyone just generally gravitates towards him because of how his brothers are. They’re the type of guys that people feed off of. Plus, we’ll go out and all these girls will be all over him, but he’ll just push them off and go to being the center of attention. I think the guys are put off by that, too.
How so?
He has all these girls and does nothing with them. God, if I had girls four or five years older than me offering to buy drinks, I’d be all over them. But he just accepts the drinks and goes back to dancing on the bar or something crazy like that.
Why do you think he does that?
‘Cause he’s gay.
Did he tell you that?
No. Well, not initially. I found out on accident.
How did you find out?
We were walking around Tampa after a game one time because it was 70 degrees or something like that, and everyone was in really high spirits because we won. Everyone was pretty drunk except for me and Jordan (I wasn’t drinking because anytime I drink I have to pee a lot, and I knew it was a long walk back to the hotel and I didn’t feel like having to just let it flow on the sidewalk or something). Well, I was walking with Sid behind Max, one of our centers, and Jordan, and Sid was singing ‘Like a Virgin’ and had his arms around me so I couldn’t really hear was they were talking about, but all of a sudden, I see Jordan and Max hold hands. They only did it for, like, ten seconds, but as they were holding hands, they looked at each other with those googly eyes.
How did you feel about finding out Max was gay?
I wasn’t surprised. He’s French-Canadian. They’re all a little out there.
How did you feel about Sid having his arms around you?
Oh, it was nothing. He does stuff like that all the time when he’s drunk. He kisses me a lot on the cheeks, too. It’s nothing. That’s just the way he acts when he’s drunk. He does it to some of the other guys, too. I think he acts like that around me most often because he’s with me the most. After we get really smashed, he’ll always sleep at my house because he doesn’t want Mario, the guy he lives with, flipping out on him. But sometimes, I’ll wake up and he’ll be sleeping next to me.
And he didn’t go to sleep that way?
No. He always sleeps on the couch.
Do you like waking up next to him?
I’m not gay.
That’s not what I asked. Think about it. Take as much time as you need.
He has this distinctive smell. It’s a mix of Old Spice and that soft smell a baby will have. Sometimes when I wake up and he hasn’t slept over the night before, I miss that smell. I don’t know if I necessarily miss him, I just miss that smell.
Final assessment: Needs to re-evaluate previous notions he had about himself. It is quite obvious, based on what he has told me, that his relationship with Sidney means more than he believes it does.
Client Name: Sidney Crosby
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Tell me about your job.
I play in the NHL.
Do you like it?
Like what?
Playing in the NHL.
I guess. All I’ve wanted to do my whole like was play hockey, so of course I like it. Hockey is my life. Making it to the NHL was the last step.
What would have happened if you didn’t make it to the NHL?
I think my parents would have had a shit fit. Sometimes, I feel like they wanted it more than I did. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I didn’t want it. I just feel sometimes like they wanted it more than I did.
Do you have fun playing?
Of course. Everyone has fun doing something they’re good at. Plus, my team mates are really awesome so even if I wasn’t good, I’d still be having fun.
Tell me about your team mates.
Well, there’s Colby. He’s my best friend on the team. He’s the first person I’ve ever met that has liked me for me, not because of my fame or popularity or whatever. I just feel really comfortable with him. Plus, he always makes me laugh.
That’s a good quality to have in a friend.
Yeah, someone who makes you laugh. Whenever I’m with him, I feel really happy. He makes me feel a lot of things, though.
Like what?
Sometimes after the team has all gone out to drink, I’ll sleep over his house because Mario, the guy I live with, told me once that I shouldn’t come home smashed. Bad influence on the kids or whatever. Anyway, I’ll fall asleep on his couch, but I’ll wake up five minutes later and miss him.
Why do you miss him?
I don’t really know. It's not like he's far away. But when I’m close to him, I feel like I’m complete. It’s hard to explain. Most nights, I’ll drink enough to get tipsy so that you can smell the alcohol on my breath, but then I’ll act like I’m really smashed so I’ll have an excuse for why I’m all over him.
Have you ever tried being close to him when you’re completely sober?
No.
Why not?
Why doesn’t anyone? I don’t want him to reject me, or call me names, or shun me. He’s still my best friend. I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because I’m…
You’re what?
I’m not in love with him.
Have you ever been in love?
No.
Well, only you can decide what love feels like.
I know. When I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach. And when he makes a joke, I always laugh a little louder than normal. Or sometimes, I’ll stand too close to him just because I like the way he smells.
How is that?
It’s a mix of typical guy aftershave and something soft. It’s really homey. I think that’s why I’m so comfortable with him.
Because you like the way he smells?
That and other things. I just always want to be with him.
Final Assessment: Previous relationship problems due to his fame at a young age have made him slow to trust. Is nervous about possibly ruining his relationship with Colby and therefore remains silent about his feelings.
AUTHOR: Jennie
CHARACTERS: Colby Armstrong & Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins (with other various Pens making an appearance)
SUMMARY: Self-actualization can come at any age.RATING: PG 13- one curse word.
DISCLAIMER: Everything written in this story is fiction. :)
A/N: Italicized portions = Psychiatrist
A hidden clause in the NHL’s Collective Bargaining Agreement, which resulted from the lockout of the 2004-2005 season, stated that all players must be evaluated by a trained sports psychologist yearly.
Randomly selected entries compiled from the collection of mandatory psychiatric evaluation of NHL players as made in the 2006-2007 season can be found below:
Client Name: Colby Armstrong
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Tell me about your job.
Well, I play professional hockey. I’m not really famous. I mean, I get stopped on the street and stuff, but I’m not as famous as some of the other guys on our team, like Sidney. He practically needs a body guard. It’s funny; I think I’m more known for being his best friend than for actually playing hockey.
How does that make you feel?
It doesn’t really bother me. It’s not like the media is lying. I’m his best friend on the team, but I don’t think he’s ever really had a best friend. I feel bad for him sometimes. Sid’s whole life has revolved around his hockey career. He’s never had a childhood. You can tell that when we go out. All of the guys will be chatting up the ladies and, it’s not that he doesn’t talk to the girls because groups of them will always come up to him and ask for his autograph. He’ll sign everything and the girls will flirt with him and he’ll flirt back, but it’s playful flirting. It’s not the type of flirting where the guy tries to get into the girl’s pants. I’ve never seen a straight guy do that. It’s hard to explain. It’s like he skipped the part of his life where you test everything out and discover yourself sexually.
So you feel like you need to care for him?
I guess. I don’t know. These questions make me think too much.
That’s alright. We’ll go to an easier subject. Tell me about your last relationship.
It was a disaster. She couldn’t understand why I would rather go out every night than be with her. I’m still young. I want to look back on these years when I’m 80 years old and say, “Damn, I had a good time.” She limited me. I like being a free bird, and with her, I felt like I was a caged elephant.
Tell me about your other team mates.
What do you want to know?
What do you want to tell me?
We’re all really close to one another. Even Geno hangs out with us, and he barely speaks English. If I could think of one person who’s left out a lot, it’s probably Jordan.
Why do you think that is?
He’s very confident. I’ve never seen anyone as young as him know themselves that well. It’s crazy. But I think guys are a bit put off by it. I know I am at times and I can get along with everyone. He expects everyone to like him, probably because they always have. Everywhere he’s gone he’s been A Staal, so everyone just generally gravitates towards him because of how his brothers are. They’re the type of guys that people feed off of. Plus, we’ll go out and all these girls will be all over him, but he’ll just push them off and go to being the center of attention. I think the guys are put off by that, too.
How so?
He has all these girls and does nothing with them. God, if I had girls four or five years older than me offering to buy drinks, I’d be all over them. But he just accepts the drinks and goes back to dancing on the bar or something crazy like that.
Why do you think he does that?
‘Cause he’s gay.
Did he tell you that?
No. Well, not initially. I found out on accident.
How did you find out?
We were walking around Tampa after a game one time because it was 70 degrees or something like that, and everyone was in really high spirits because we won. Everyone was pretty drunk except for me and Jordan (I wasn’t drinking because anytime I drink I have to pee a lot, and I knew it was a long walk back to the hotel and I didn’t feel like having to just let it flow on the sidewalk or something). Well, I was walking with Sid behind Max, one of our centers, and Jordan, and Sid was singing ‘Like a Virgin’ and had his arms around me so I couldn’t really hear was they were talking about, but all of a sudden, I see Jordan and Max hold hands. They only did it for, like, ten seconds, but as they were holding hands, they looked at each other with those googly eyes.
How did you feel about finding out Max was gay?
I wasn’t surprised. He’s French-Canadian. They’re all a little out there.
How did you feel about Sid having his arms around you?
Oh, it was nothing. He does stuff like that all the time when he’s drunk. He kisses me a lot on the cheeks, too. It’s nothing. That’s just the way he acts when he’s drunk. He does it to some of the other guys, too. I think he acts like that around me most often because he’s with me the most. After we get really smashed, he’ll always sleep at my house because he doesn’t want Mario, the guy he lives with, flipping out on him. But sometimes, I’ll wake up and he’ll be sleeping next to me.
And he didn’t go to sleep that way?
No. He always sleeps on the couch.
Do you like waking up next to him?
I’m not gay.
That’s not what I asked. Think about it. Take as much time as you need.
He has this distinctive smell. It’s a mix of Old Spice and that soft smell a baby will have. Sometimes when I wake up and he hasn’t slept over the night before, I miss that smell. I don’t know if I necessarily miss him, I just miss that smell.
Final assessment: Needs to re-evaluate previous notions he had about himself. It is quite obvious, based on what he has told me, that his relationship with Sidney means more than he believes it does.
Client Name: Sidney Crosby
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Tell me about your job.
I play in the NHL.
Do you like it?
Like what?
Playing in the NHL.
I guess. All I’ve wanted to do my whole like was play hockey, so of course I like it. Hockey is my life. Making it to the NHL was the last step.
What would have happened if you didn’t make it to the NHL?
I think my parents would have had a shit fit. Sometimes, I feel like they wanted it more than I did. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not that I didn’t want it. I just feel sometimes like they wanted it more than I did.
Do you have fun playing?
Of course. Everyone has fun doing something they’re good at. Plus, my team mates are really awesome so even if I wasn’t good, I’d still be having fun.
Tell me about your team mates.
Well, there’s Colby. He’s my best friend on the team. He’s the first person I’ve ever met that has liked me for me, not because of my fame or popularity or whatever. I just feel really comfortable with him. Plus, he always makes me laugh.
That’s a good quality to have in a friend.
Yeah, someone who makes you laugh. Whenever I’m with him, I feel really happy. He makes me feel a lot of things, though.
Like what?
Sometimes after the team has all gone out to drink, I’ll sleep over his house because Mario, the guy I live with, told me once that I shouldn’t come home smashed. Bad influence on the kids or whatever. Anyway, I’ll fall asleep on his couch, but I’ll wake up five minutes later and miss him.
Why do you miss him?
I don’t really know. It's not like he's far away. But when I’m close to him, I feel like I’m complete. It’s hard to explain. Most nights, I’ll drink enough to get tipsy so that you can smell the alcohol on my breath, but then I’ll act like I’m really smashed so I’ll have an excuse for why I’m all over him.
Have you ever tried being close to him when you’re completely sober?
No.
Why not?
Why doesn’t anyone? I don’t want him to reject me, or call me names, or shun me. He’s still my best friend. I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because I’m…
You’re what?
I’m not in love with him.
Have you ever been in love?
No.
Well, only you can decide what love feels like.
I know. When I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach. And when he makes a joke, I always laugh a little louder than normal. Or sometimes, I’ll stand too close to him just because I like the way he smells.
How is that?
It’s a mix of typical guy aftershave and something soft. It’s really homey. I think that’s why I’m so comfortable with him.
Because you like the way he smells?
That and other things. I just always want to be with him.
Final Assessment: Previous relationship problems due to his fame at a young age have made him slow to trust. Is nervous about possibly ruining his relationship with Colby and therefore remains silent about his feelings.