(no subject)
TITLE: Maybe
AUTHOR: Jennie
CHARACTERS: Scott Gomez and Jay Pandolfo of the New Jersey Devils.
SUMMARY: ‘Maybe you feel the same way, but now we'll never know.’
RATING: PG (content)
DISCLAIMER: This is all fiction.
A/N: Scott signed with the Rangers as a free agent on July 1st. The Rangers and Devils are huge ‘across the (Hudson) river’ rivals.
Simple words to define a complicated situation. Years of playing beside one another become years of pretending, ignoring and eventually developing mantras for you to abide by. Dance around the issue at hand and the problem will solve itself. Forget the butterflies in your stomach when he brushes his hand accidentally against yours. Wipe the sweat that forms on your brow when he speaks to you. Control shaking knees when he gives you a noncommittal, ‘from one man to another’ back rub.
Every emotion you feel towards him, every action you wish you could take, every word you say to yourself instead of to him stays bottled up, preparing for the chance to let loose. Like a lion in the Sahara, you wait for the right time to pounce and release the flow of words you intend to say. But each day, the sun rises and sets on another lost opportunity, and you begin to wonder why you thought telling him would be a good idea.
Instead, you solemnly look at him during extensive plane trips from this city to that city and wonder what could be, what would happen if things were different. Maybe he’d be single, maybe he’d be gay, or maybe none of that would matter because you loved each other, and when it comes to love, the trivial questions seem just that: trivial. Maybe he loved you, even felt what you do, but was too scared to say something. Maybe you could have had a future with him, waking up every morning to his loose smile and tired eyes.
Your close friends know about him and have seen how his presence alone brings about a different personality: a less confident, introverted Scott. “Scotty,” they say with looks of genuine concern, “Jay won’t know how you feel unless you tell him. Will you talk to him?” For a second, you almost believe that you can summon the confidence everyone believes you possess and allow yourself to free fall until the dark world of possible rejection swallows you whole. Yet, your fear of being hurt holds you back and you answer with “maybe” and a reassuring smile.
So for now, you keep silent, focusing on anything besides the pounding of your heart when he comes near, and think of ‘maybe’ instead of ‘yes.’