Insanity, daejae drabble
The sound of a pen scratching against paper is the only thing that cuts through the silence. In the glass bowl sitting on the table is a little goldfish swimming round the edge. Once, twice, he keeps going. Round and round. Daehyun wonders if he’s like that as well, doing the same day in day out, without even realizing it. The pen stops writing.
“And have you had any hallucinations this week?”
The woman looks at him over the frame of her small glasses. Not unkindly, but he still finds it unsettling.
Sure, like she doesn’t know whether he’s had any hallucinations. It’s all their own work.
But he doesn’t say that. He just stretches his fingers over his legs and continues to watch the little fish.
They don’t like it when he doesn’t play along.
“Not really.. Just this once at breakfast.”
More pen scribbling. The sound stopped making him nervous a long time ago. He clears his throat, trying to find the best way to formulate his request.
Forcing himself to look at the woman, to show he’s fine, he dares to ask her. It’s now or never, and he really needs to see Youngjae.
“Could I maybe have a visitor again? Just for a little while, please?” He asks.
Surprisingly, the psychiatrist agrees, as long as he promises to not try and convince his visitor to take him home.
Daehyun smiles; he can promise that.
--
There’s still more than an hour left before Youngjae will be there, and Daehyun is already checking the clock every five minutes. The few belongings he has in his room are cleaned and put away neatly. He hasn’t seen him in such a long time, he really needs to make a good impression.
He has to convince him.
Time passes by agonizingly slow, but in the end the moment is there and one of the nurses is knocking on his door and the long anticipated words are said; his visitor is here.
Youngjae looks a bit different with his new haircut, but he’s still the same and Daehyun is so, so happy he immediately kisses him.
“Well hello to you, too,” he chuckles, and Daehyun’s really missed that sound. “I missed you,” he tells him, and takes his hand to lead him to his bed. The door is closed and the nurse is gone, and finally he hugs his boyfriend again.
It feels great, and he doesn’t want it to end. But the crazy doctors keeping him there think otherwise, and try to distract him. After lying with Youngjae in his arms for a while cracks slowly start to split the walls around them and water starts flowing from them. He stares at the puddle it leaves on the floor. It’s not real, but he can see it and he has to tell himself that it’s an illusion. They’re just playing tricks on his mind, making him believe that something’s wrong with him, that he needs to stay in this prison and waste away. It’s just one of their illusions.
He knows that, and Youngjae needs to know, too.
“I’m not crazy, you know.”
“I know, don’t worry about it.” His head is heavy on Daehyun’s chest but he doesn’t mind. He wants to be as close as possible.
“They’re just making it all up. I’m sane, I really am.”
Youngjae sighs. “I know that, silly.”
His answers are making Daehyun frustrated. Does he really? Does he really know what they’re up to? That they’re just using him, as some experiment? It gets more tiring every day and the thought of never getting out makes him panic. He wants, needs, to get out. While he still can.
His voice is wavering, but he has to convince Youngjae. He’s his only way out.
“Jae, I can’t do this anymore.. I want to go home, with you. I miss you.”
The tear rolling down his cheek is wiped away by Youngjae, who seems close to crying, too. “You know I can’t do that. I need you to be here just a little longer. It’s for the best.”
But Youngjae doesn’t understand and he keeps crying. It’s not for the best, he’s perfectly fine. He’s sane, they’re just trying to make him like all the others in here. Like the man in the room next to him who keeps talking to air. Daehyun doesn’t do that, he’s not crazy. It’s them who keep confusing him with their illusions.
“I can’t stay, Youngjae. You don’t know what it’s like. I need to get away.”
No matter how many times he pleads and begs, Youngjae doesn’t listen. He says he understands, but he doesn’t. Even if he says he knows Daehyun is sane, he won’t take him home. He just won’t.
And like all the other times, when his visiting time is up, Youngjae leaves and Daehyun sits on his bed for hours afterwards, watching the water stream calmly on the floor.
No matter how many times he tries, Youngjae always leaves, and Daehyun stays stuck in this prison.
Everyone seems to be against him, and he stays stuck in time, stuck in the illusions of his guards.
As always, he’s helplessly alone.
“And have you had any hallucinations this week?”
The woman looks at him over the frame of her small glasses. Not unkindly, but he still finds it unsettling.
Sure, like she doesn’t know whether he’s had any hallucinations. It’s all their own work.
But he doesn’t say that. He just stretches his fingers over his legs and continues to watch the little fish.
They don’t like it when he doesn’t play along.
“Not really.. Just this once at breakfast.”
More pen scribbling. The sound stopped making him nervous a long time ago. He clears his throat, trying to find the best way to formulate his request.
Forcing himself to look at the woman, to show he’s fine, he dares to ask her. It’s now or never, and he really needs to see Youngjae.
“Could I maybe have a visitor again? Just for a little while, please?” He asks.
Surprisingly, the psychiatrist agrees, as long as he promises to not try and convince his visitor to take him home.
Daehyun smiles; he can promise that.
--
There’s still more than an hour left before Youngjae will be there, and Daehyun is already checking the clock every five minutes. The few belongings he has in his room are cleaned and put away neatly. He hasn’t seen him in such a long time, he really needs to make a good impression.
He has to convince him.
Time passes by agonizingly slow, but in the end the moment is there and one of the nurses is knocking on his door and the long anticipated words are said; his visitor is here.
Youngjae looks a bit different with his new haircut, but he’s still the same and Daehyun is so, so happy he immediately kisses him.
“Well hello to you, too,” he chuckles, and Daehyun’s really missed that sound. “I missed you,” he tells him, and takes his hand to lead him to his bed. The door is closed and the nurse is gone, and finally he hugs his boyfriend again.
It feels great, and he doesn’t want it to end. But the crazy doctors keeping him there think otherwise, and try to distract him. After lying with Youngjae in his arms for a while cracks slowly start to split the walls around them and water starts flowing from them. He stares at the puddle it leaves on the floor. It’s not real, but he can see it and he has to tell himself that it’s an illusion. They’re just playing tricks on his mind, making him believe that something’s wrong with him, that he needs to stay in this prison and waste away. It’s just one of their illusions.
He knows that, and Youngjae needs to know, too.
“I’m not crazy, you know.”
“I know, don’t worry about it.” His head is heavy on Daehyun’s chest but he doesn’t mind. He wants to be as close as possible.
“They’re just making it all up. I’m sane, I really am.”
Youngjae sighs. “I know that, silly.”
His answers are making Daehyun frustrated. Does he really? Does he really know what they’re up to? That they’re just using him, as some experiment? It gets more tiring every day and the thought of never getting out makes him panic. He wants, needs, to get out. While he still can.
His voice is wavering, but he has to convince Youngjae. He’s his only way out.
“Jae, I can’t do this anymore.. I want to go home, with you. I miss you.”
The tear rolling down his cheek is wiped away by Youngjae, who seems close to crying, too. “You know I can’t do that. I need you to be here just a little longer. It’s for the best.”
But Youngjae doesn’t understand and he keeps crying. It’s not for the best, he’s perfectly fine. He’s sane, they’re just trying to make him like all the others in here. Like the man in the room next to him who keeps talking to air. Daehyun doesn’t do that, he’s not crazy. It’s them who keep confusing him with their illusions.
“I can’t stay, Youngjae. You don’t know what it’s like. I need to get away.”
No matter how many times he pleads and begs, Youngjae doesn’t listen. He says he understands, but he doesn’t. Even if he says he knows Daehyun is sane, he won’t take him home. He just won’t.
And like all the other times, when his visiting time is up, Youngjae leaves and Daehyun sits on his bed for hours afterwards, watching the water stream calmly on the floor.
No matter how many times he tries, Youngjae always leaves, and Daehyun stays stuck in this prison.
Everyone seems to be against him, and he stays stuck in time, stuck in the illusions of his guards.
As always, he’s helplessly alone.