Sneak Peek of "Pride Is For Men", my next big project!!!
Title: Pride Is For Men (2/?)
Rating: R, for gender swap and sexual themes
Pairing: girl!Spencer/Jon, Brendon/Ryan
POV: 3rd, focused on Spencer
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone unless you count my really blind cat, and since he's not in here, I can promise you that this is 100% fiction.
Author Notes: I can't believe I wrote this. Oh my god. Title comes from Natalie Merchant's "Eat For Two".
Dedication: This is for Joe, who will probably not judge me for this, and who is also amazing. Thanks for reminding me that opening up doesn't have to mean getting hurt.
Spencer is alone in Jon's apartment with the pills that Pete gave her. They sit, still not swallowed, on the kitchen island next to a tall glass of water. She has to keep reminding herself how to breathe.
Day Eleven
Every thirty seconds she picks up the first pill and puts it back next to the second one. She can not put it in her mouth and is trying desperately to pretend that she doesn't know why.
When the rest of the band gets back, she sweeps them quickly into the trash can.
~*~
"He says that one of the other guys didn't change back right away. It looks like it's a gradual thing for some of us, so it could maybe be a few more weeks," she lies.
They believe her.
~*~
Day Twelve
"Home sweet home," Spencer laughs when Brendon greets her at the door. They took separate flights again, for the purpose of keeping her a secret, but she was grateful for the peace this time. Pete gave her a lot to think about.
"Hey there, pretty lady," Jon grins at her from the couch. He moves over to make room for her and she relaxes for the first time since she told Pete what she did with the pills.
~*~
Day Twenty-Nine
"You're glowing. Other people are going to notice," Pete starts.
"I don't see other people, remember?"
"Spencer..."
"I know, I know. I should tell them soon. It's just...I have no idea what I'm doing."
"If you can get rid of the guys the day after tomorrow, the...umm...other person is ready to talk to you, if you still want to."
~*~
Day Thirty-One
“Gabe?”
“Can I come in?” the taller man - the only man, that’s kind of why he’s here, isn’t it? - asks nervously. He seems tired, like maybe he’s not totally sure that he wants to be there. Spencer moves out of the doorway quickly just in case he changes his mind.
“Yeah, I told the guys that I needed the house to myself for a while. They won’t come home until I call them,” she promises, leading him into the living room and sitting down on one end of the couch. He follows suit but still seems anxious.
“I’m not going to judge you, no matter what the story is, I promise. I just…I just need to hear it, okay?”
“Okay,” he breathes. “I turned into a girl right before we recorded Viva La Cobra…”
~*~
He’s crying in Spencer’s arms, and she knows without thinking that she would hold him until the world fell down around them if he needed it. She’s still in shock, reeling, but she’s sure of that much.
“I’m so sorry, you’re okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you…”
~*~
The tears that fall between them now are all Spencer’s. She can barely breathe but she has to, she has to breathe for two now, and she's terrified.
"I should have warned you, but I was the only one, and I thought it was just me being a freak," Gabe murmurs apologetically.
"No, hey, you couldn't have known. It'll be fine; I'll figure this out."
~*~
Inhale, exhale, speed dial, Jon.
"I need you."
~*~
Spencer is curled up in the fetal position and trying not to think about that too much when Jon finds her. She heard him looking for her downstairs and in her own room first, but it was like listening to a game of Marco Polo that she wasn't part of. It didn't feel like she should respond.
"Hey," he whispers, sliding under the covers behind her. "What's wrong?"
"Promise that you won't hate me."
"I couldn't ever hate you," Jon promises. She reluctantly lets him turn her over so that he can see her face.
"What's that?" he asks. Spencer glances at the test in her hand and drops it between them wordlessly.
~*~
Day Thirty-Two
"You insensitive bastard. How could you even suggest that after what she just told us?"
"She was a he until a month ago! All she has to do is get this taken care of and then we have our drummer back and everything goes back to normal!" Ryan shouts back at his boyfriend. In his frustration he is clearly forgetting that Jon and Spencer are right there. Spencer would laugh if she didn't hate him a little bit.
"Did Gabe's story have no impact on you at all?" Brendon huffs.
"It did, actually. Especially that part where he turned back into -"
"Both of you need to shut up now. This is Spencer's decision, not yours," Jon snaps. He squeezes her hand and she can feel his other arm tighten around her waist. It makes the moment that much more real in her mind.
~*~
Day Thirty-Three
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Ry. This is weird for all of us."
"Not as weird as it must be for you, though. Did you make a decision?"
"I have to talk to Jon about it more later, but yeah, I think so."
"I'll support you no matter what, you know?"
She knows.
~*~
Spencer wakes up from her nap to find Jon tracing the air over her stomach, his finger hovering millimeters above her skin.
"Want to know a secret?"
"Hmm?"
"I've been using Ryan's razor," she grins at him. He laughs softly and moves up until his head is next to hers on the pillow.
"Want to know something else?"
"If you want to tell me," he answers, and the sincerity in his eyes tells her that she made the right choice.
"You're going to be a dad," Spencer tells him.
She hopes that he knows it's a promise.
Rating: R, for gender swap and sexual themes
Pairing: girl!Spencer/Jon, Brendon/Ryan
POV: 3rd, focused on Spencer
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone unless you count my really blind cat, and since he's not in here, I can promise you that this is 100% fiction.
Author Notes: I can't believe I wrote this. Oh my god. Title comes from Natalie Merchant's "Eat For Two".
Dedication: This is for Joe, who will probably not judge me for this, and who is also amazing. Thanks for reminding me that opening up doesn't have to mean getting hurt.
Spencer is alone in Jon's apartment with the pills that Pete gave her. They sit, still not swallowed, on the kitchen island next to a tall glass of water. She has to keep reminding herself how to breathe.
Day Eleven
Every thirty seconds she picks up the first pill and puts it back next to the second one. She can not put it in her mouth and is trying desperately to pretend that she doesn't know why.
When the rest of the band gets back, she sweeps them quickly into the trash can.
~*~
"He says that one of the other guys didn't change back right away. It looks like it's a gradual thing for some of us, so it could maybe be a few more weeks," she lies.
They believe her.
~*~
Day Twelve
"Home sweet home," Spencer laughs when Brendon greets her at the door. They took separate flights again, for the purpose of keeping her a secret, but she was grateful for the peace this time. Pete gave her a lot to think about.
"Hey there, pretty lady," Jon grins at her from the couch. He moves over to make room for her and she relaxes for the first time since she told Pete what she did with the pills.
~*~
Day Twenty-Nine
"You're glowing. Other people are going to notice," Pete starts.
"I don't see other people, remember?"
"Spencer..."
"I know, I know. I should tell them soon. It's just...I have no idea what I'm doing."
"If you can get rid of the guys the day after tomorrow, the...umm...other person is ready to talk to you, if you still want to."
~*~
Day Thirty-One
“Gabe?”
“Can I come in?” the taller man - the only man, that’s kind of why he’s here, isn’t it? - asks nervously. He seems tired, like maybe he’s not totally sure that he wants to be there. Spencer moves out of the doorway quickly just in case he changes his mind.
“Yeah, I told the guys that I needed the house to myself for a while. They won’t come home until I call them,” she promises, leading him into the living room and sitting down on one end of the couch. He follows suit but still seems anxious.
“I’m not going to judge you, no matter what the story is, I promise. I just…I just need to hear it, okay?”
“Okay,” he breathes. “I turned into a girl right before we recorded Viva La Cobra…”
~*~
He’s crying in Spencer’s arms, and she knows without thinking that she would hold him until the world fell down around them if he needed it. She’s still in shock, reeling, but she’s sure of that much.
“I’m so sorry, you’re okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you…”
~*~
The tears that fall between them now are all Spencer’s. She can barely breathe but she has to, she has to breathe for two now, and she's terrified.
"I should have warned you, but I was the only one, and I thought it was just me being a freak," Gabe murmurs apologetically.
"No, hey, you couldn't have known. It'll be fine; I'll figure this out."
~*~
Inhale, exhale, speed dial, Jon.
"I need you."
~*~
Spencer is curled up in the fetal position and trying not to think about that too much when Jon finds her. She heard him looking for her downstairs and in her own room first, but it was like listening to a game of Marco Polo that she wasn't part of. It didn't feel like she should respond.
"Hey," he whispers, sliding under the covers behind her. "What's wrong?"
"Promise that you won't hate me."
"I couldn't ever hate you," Jon promises. She reluctantly lets him turn her over so that he can see her face.
"What's that?" he asks. Spencer glances at the test in her hand and drops it between them wordlessly.
~*~
Day Thirty-Two
"You insensitive bastard. How could you even suggest that after what she just told us?"
"She was a he until a month ago! All she has to do is get this taken care of and then we have our drummer back and everything goes back to normal!" Ryan shouts back at his boyfriend. In his frustration he is clearly forgetting that Jon and Spencer are right there. Spencer would laugh if she didn't hate him a little bit.
"Did Gabe's story have no impact on you at all?" Brendon huffs.
"It did, actually. Especially that part where he turned back into -"
"Both of you need to shut up now. This is Spencer's decision, not yours," Jon snaps. He squeezes her hand and she can feel his other arm tighten around her waist. It makes the moment that much more real in her mind.
~*~
Day Thirty-Three
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Ry. This is weird for all of us."
"Not as weird as it must be for you, though. Did you make a decision?"
"I have to talk to Jon about it more later, but yeah, I think so."
"I'll support you no matter what, you know?"
She knows.
~*~
Spencer wakes up from her nap to find Jon tracing the air over her stomach, his finger hovering millimeters above her skin.
"Want to know a secret?"
"Hmm?"
"I've been using Ryan's razor," she grins at him. He laughs softly and moves up until his head is next to hers on the pillow.
"Want to know something else?"
"If you want to tell me," he answers, and the sincerity in his eyes tells her that she made the right choice.
"You're going to be a dad," Spencer tells him.
She hopes that he knows it's a promise.