Thanks, Jake.
The problem with V.day is that for some it has an opposite to the desired effect. In the same way many people spend New Year's eve thinking about all the things that have gone wrong in their lives, Valentine's day makes many people consider whether they are really happy with their significant other, or whether they are really happy as the significant other.
Love is a word used freely in english vocab; I LOVE this song, I LOVE those shoes, I love you, but when it comes to the ACT of loving, everyone has a different ideal of what love really is.
I tell my friends I love them. And there are people in my life whom I love but do not tell them only because I think they'd be a little uncomfortable hearing it. When I say that I love them, I mean that I see them for who they are, the soul of the person and love them for who they are and for having the courage to be themselves.
To feel love for a person is relatively easy - we often feel we love someone before we even know that much about them. Okay, I should point out here that this is often confused with LUST - not the same thing. If you think you love someone when you really just want to get them into bed, then you are REALLY kidding yourself. You cannot say you love someone unless you have at least some idea of who they are. I'm talking about their personality, or it's deeper form, the spirit or the soul if you accept those things.
As I've said before, everyone feels differently about how they show their love, but if you cannot accept someone as they are you cannot truly love them. You are actually loving the ideal of what you hope that person will become if they spend long enough with you. If your partner doesn't want children, you cannot love them in the hope that they will change their mind when they realise how happy you make them - If that were true, you would give up your desire for children when you realised how happy they made you! If they change their mind because they know how important it is to you, that's fine, but it has to be their choice, done out of love not because being in love makes them obliged.
Think about it. We don't tell our friends how they should live, we don't demand that they do the same things as us, or keep the place tidy for when we come over, so why do we expect it from our partners when they are the one person in our lives with whom we are supposed to have the strongest bond?
Don't get me wrong, none of us are perfect and the people in our lives are there to keep us grounded, but love shouldn't be based on whether or not that person intends to change. Love is fundamentally caring about another person's happiness, and making them feel they're not good enough is not going to make them happy.
If we're truly in love, the most important thing becomes that person. We don't just want them to be happy, we want to be the one to make them happy. The hardest thing to accept is that the person you want to make you happy isn't prepared to do the things that will make you happy. Or, which can be worse, the person you want to make happy doesn't want you.
If you've accepted who that person is, you can usually work out whether or not happiness is a possibility. We all have our list of requirements, or boxes to tick, if we didn't we wouldn't go on and on about 'mr/mrs Right'. But wanting someone to be that person isn't enough. They either have to be that person already or have the desire to be that person. And they have to care as much about your happiness as you do for theirs. It's hard when you have feelings for someone who you know isn't right for you for whatever reason. If you love the person you put their needs and their situation first.
Why am I saying all this? well, because I've been on both sides of the coin. in fact, all sides. I've been loved and not loved back. I've been loved by those who I didn't love in the capacity they wanted me to. I've given my all and got nothing back and I've even been a selfish heartbreaker in my time! But the most important thing I've learned is that the only way to be sure is to BE YOURSELF. Don't create a you that you think someone will want to love. Think about what it takes to make that person happy, and what you are prepared to give. What it takes to make you happy, and whether or not that person is prepared to give it to you. Not just wether or not they can, but wether or not they want to try. Most of all, recognise that you are good enough as you are and worthy of true love.
Love is a word used freely in english vocab; I LOVE this song, I LOVE those shoes, I love you, but when it comes to the ACT of loving, everyone has a different ideal of what love really is.
I tell my friends I love them. And there are people in my life whom I love but do not tell them only because I think they'd be a little uncomfortable hearing it. When I say that I love them, I mean that I see them for who they are, the soul of the person and love them for who they are and for having the courage to be themselves.
To feel love for a person is relatively easy - we often feel we love someone before we even know that much about them. Okay, I should point out here that this is often confused with LUST - not the same thing. If you think you love someone when you really just want to get them into bed, then you are REALLY kidding yourself. You cannot say you love someone unless you have at least some idea of who they are. I'm talking about their personality, or it's deeper form, the spirit or the soul if you accept those things.
As I've said before, everyone feels differently about how they show their love, but if you cannot accept someone as they are you cannot truly love them. You are actually loving the ideal of what you hope that person will become if they spend long enough with you. If your partner doesn't want children, you cannot love them in the hope that they will change their mind when they realise how happy you make them - If that were true, you would give up your desire for children when you realised how happy they made you! If they change their mind because they know how important it is to you, that's fine, but it has to be their choice, done out of love not because being in love makes them obliged.
Think about it. We don't tell our friends how they should live, we don't demand that they do the same things as us, or keep the place tidy for when we come over, so why do we expect it from our partners when they are the one person in our lives with whom we are supposed to have the strongest bond?
Don't get me wrong, none of us are perfect and the people in our lives are there to keep us grounded, but love shouldn't be based on whether or not that person intends to change. Love is fundamentally caring about another person's happiness, and making them feel they're not good enough is not going to make them happy.
If we're truly in love, the most important thing becomes that person. We don't just want them to be happy, we want to be the one to make them happy. The hardest thing to accept is that the person you want to make you happy isn't prepared to do the things that will make you happy. Or, which can be worse, the person you want to make happy doesn't want you.
If you've accepted who that person is, you can usually work out whether or not happiness is a possibility. We all have our list of requirements, or boxes to tick, if we didn't we wouldn't go on and on about 'mr/mrs Right'. But wanting someone to be that person isn't enough. They either have to be that person already or have the desire to be that person. And they have to care as much about your happiness as you do for theirs. It's hard when you have feelings for someone who you know isn't right for you for whatever reason. If you love the person you put their needs and their situation first.
Why am I saying all this? well, because I've been on both sides of the coin. in fact, all sides. I've been loved and not loved back. I've been loved by those who I didn't love in the capacity they wanted me to. I've given my all and got nothing back and I've even been a selfish heartbreaker in my time! But the most important thing I've learned is that the only way to be sure is to BE YOURSELF. Don't create a you that you think someone will want to love. Think about what it takes to make that person happy, and what you are prepared to give. What it takes to make you happy, and whether or not that person is prepared to give it to you. Not just wether or not they can, but wether or not they want to try. Most of all, recognise that you are good enough as you are and worthy of true love.