i was hoping i was over this
After the report of my anger and constant panic attacks, an almost-calm washed over me which I think I owe in part to my decision to send Romeo back to mom's along with the temporary plan to take him into the backyard whenever he needs to go out. (It's beyond overgrown back there, still unsafe in terms of no fence, and he doesn't get to walk around, but it's better that forcing him to stay inside all day.) I think having a solution set my mind at ease and I haven't had a full panic attack in almost a week. Just the basic hypervigilance and general unease whenever we went out.
Haven't had a panic attack... until today.
Earlier this morning the other dog was in the backyard and started barking at me. Tied up still and she stopped when I called her name, but more in our yard than I'd like. Romie had been with me not two minutes prior; thankfully, I had just taken him back inside. Seeing how close she could get and within definite visual range for both dogs, which is all it took last time, set off a mini panic attack. Just some bad shakiness and a basic sick feeling; nothing too bad. It's not uncommon for her to be back there, I just hadn't realized she could be within eyesight.
So about an hour ago Romeo starts pacing to go out and I'm edgy because I'm not sure where the other dog is. So I take trash out, as a test and because tomorrow is trash day, and see that she's out front. Good, we're safe to go out back. But the moment I open the door, she's right there! When I walked into the house I literally made a straight shot to the back door and out, within seconds. It's like she knew and was waiting.
I immediately went into panic mode and dragged Romie back in the house before he could see her or respond and promptly proceeded to have a full blown panic attack while Romeo continued to pace because, of course, his bladder was still full.
But, ya know what? I'm proud of myself. Because despite my panic and insane babbling - I'm so glad there aren't any cameras/recorders around - I worked through it and found a way to still take Romeo out before he peed in the house. Though I must admit I laid newspapers down before I managed much else. Ultimately I dragged some boards from the side of the deck to the other side so that I could then prop them up and create a visual barrier so that I could still take him out and neither of them would know the other was there.
I still fear that she'll get loose and I know the boards only create a barrier to one of her senses, but I feel like this increases some of his security until Romie's moved to a safer yard.
And I'm especially happy that I could work through a moment of blinding anxiety and deal with a situation that's been causing me all sorts of distress. There's a glimmer of hope hiding in that, which is something that's been in short supply these days.
ETA, 6/30/14: Going over entries now that Romie's gone and I realized I never mentioned that he was never sent back to my mom's house. He stayed here the entire time. Stayed with me for the rest of his life, just as it should have been. The other dog eventually left (though we had issues with a new, worse dog being around for awhile) and I just made it work in the meantime.
Haven't had a panic attack... until today.
Earlier this morning the other dog was in the backyard and started barking at me. Tied up still and she stopped when I called her name, but more in our yard than I'd like. Romie had been with me not two minutes prior; thankfully, I had just taken him back inside. Seeing how close she could get and within definite visual range for both dogs, which is all it took last time, set off a mini panic attack. Just some bad shakiness and a basic sick feeling; nothing too bad. It's not uncommon for her to be back there, I just hadn't realized she could be within eyesight.
So about an hour ago Romeo starts pacing to go out and I'm edgy because I'm not sure where the other dog is. So I take trash out, as a test and because tomorrow is trash day, and see that she's out front. Good, we're safe to go out back. But the moment I open the door, she's right there! When I walked into the house I literally made a straight shot to the back door and out, within seconds. It's like she knew and was waiting.
I immediately went into panic mode and dragged Romie back in the house before he could see her or respond and promptly proceeded to have a full blown panic attack while Romeo continued to pace because, of course, his bladder was still full.
But, ya know what? I'm proud of myself. Because despite my panic and insane babbling - I'm so glad there aren't any cameras/recorders around - I worked through it and found a way to still take Romeo out before he peed in the house. Though I must admit I laid newspapers down before I managed much else. Ultimately I dragged some boards from the side of the deck to the other side so that I could then prop them up and create a visual barrier so that I could still take him out and neither of them would know the other was there.
I still fear that she'll get loose and I know the boards only create a barrier to one of her senses, but I feel like this increases some of his security until Romie's moved to a safer yard.
And I'm especially happy that I could work through a moment of blinding anxiety and deal with a situation that's been causing me all sorts of distress. There's a glimmer of hope hiding in that, which is something that's been in short supply these days.
ETA, 6/30/14: Going over entries now that Romie's gone and I realized I never mentioned that he was never sent back to my mom's house. He stayed here the entire time. Stayed with me for the rest of his life, just as it should have been. The other dog eventually left (though we had issues with a new, worse dog being around for awhile) and I just made it work in the meantime.