I hate this...
Im so fucking lame. I hate myself. Everything is pissing me off. Ive just been a mess & no matter how hard i try to stay happy it doesnt work.
I wish saying goodbye was a lot easier than it is.
& a lot of you dont know what i mean by that. It seems everytime im not with him im a mess. Im just totally out of control. I dont know what to do with myself. He makes me happy. & sane. But if he makes me so happy then why the fuck cant i have him. Me & Brittany were so close. & i have this huge jealousy issue which most of you know about. & im not saying i have a jealousy issue just to sound cool. Its awful & id do anything to get rid of it. So yah i got mad @ brittany for always ignoring me. Im struggling in school & it pisses me off when people dont explain things to me.
Im trying so hard in school, & everyone keeps telling me im not working to my potential.
How the fuck do they know? I have a disorder, i sware i do. Wheather it be i have ADD or whatever else the fuck it is. I cant consentrate. I go from pissed to sad to happy to insane to bitchy. & so yah i got all pissed @ myself for getting so mad @ Brittany. Well now turns out shes spreading rumors about me. Saying im using people only because im not friends with her. Well if she was really my fucking "best friend" she wouldnt do that. Yah we're in a little arguement but i dont see myself spreading rumors about her. & when i get pissed its not pretty & i say awful things. & i get this urge to punch the person. & eventually i will. I have anger issues. I have mood swings. Im just all around fucking trash arent i. I dont know what happened. I was just happy, in the best mood. Now im like this. I could easily shoot someone right now. & im thats not an expression; i really could.
Just fucking kill me.
Maybe people just enjoy my depression. Its like they... feed off of it. Thats what keeps them going everyday. Seeing me miserable. Thats what keeps them sane. I let things go to my head way easily. Its so fucking lame. I lost my "best friend", i lost the kidd i was & unfortunetly am obsessed with. Things go from good to bad & good then back to bad. In other terms, everything ends up fucked up. & surprisingly its not because of my dad. Im my own worst enemy & i cant escape myself. Im not insecure. Im not self centered. I just have some issues. & i admit to it. Because i know its true. But not only am i not good @ talking to people about whats wrong with me, half the time i dont even know. & i push people away when i need them the most, I wish i was normal. Or is this normal? What is normal?
So many thoughts running through my head...
Since me & Brittany arent friends & shes doing all this stuff like saying shit about me, everyone has totally lost my trust. Only one person still has it. & he doesnt even know it. Maybe i should keep things to myself & relive stress the way i used to. But no, its almost summer & i dont feel like getting sent to a mental hospital. That'll only make things worse. lifes a struggle...
I wish saying goodbye was a lot easier than it is.
& a lot of you dont know what i mean by that. It seems everytime im not with him im a mess. Im just totally out of control. I dont know what to do with myself. He makes me happy. & sane. But if he makes me so happy then why the fuck cant i have him. Me & Brittany were so close. & i have this huge jealousy issue which most of you know about. & im not saying i have a jealousy issue just to sound cool. Its awful & id do anything to get rid of it. So yah i got mad @ brittany for always ignoring me. Im struggling in school & it pisses me off when people dont explain things to me.
Im trying so hard in school, & everyone keeps telling me im not working to my potential.
How the fuck do they know? I have a disorder, i sware i do. Wheather it be i have ADD or whatever else the fuck it is. I cant consentrate. I go from pissed to sad to happy to insane to bitchy. & so yah i got all pissed @ myself for getting so mad @ Brittany. Well now turns out shes spreading rumors about me. Saying im using people only because im not friends with her. Well if she was really my fucking "best friend" she wouldnt do that. Yah we're in a little arguement but i dont see myself spreading rumors about her. & when i get pissed its not pretty & i say awful things. & i get this urge to punch the person. & eventually i will. I have anger issues. I have mood swings. Im just all around fucking trash arent i. I dont know what happened. I was just happy, in the best mood. Now im like this. I could easily shoot someone right now. & im thats not an expression; i really could.
Just fucking kill me.
Maybe people just enjoy my depression. Its like they... feed off of it. Thats what keeps them going everyday. Seeing me miserable. Thats what keeps them sane. I let things go to my head way easily. Its so fucking lame. I lost my "best friend", i lost the kidd i was & unfortunetly am obsessed with. Things go from good to bad & good then back to bad. In other terms, everything ends up fucked up. & surprisingly its not because of my dad. Im my own worst enemy & i cant escape myself. Im not insecure. Im not self centered. I just have some issues. & i admit to it. Because i know its true. But not only am i not good @ talking to people about whats wrong with me, half the time i dont even know. & i push people away when i need them the most, I wish i was normal. Or is this normal? What is normal?
So many thoughts running through my head...
Since me & Brittany arent friends & shes doing all this stuff like saying shit about me, everyone has totally lost my trust. Only one person still has it. & he doesnt even know it. Maybe i should keep things to myself & relive stress the way i used to. But no, its almost summer & i dont feel like getting sent to a mental hospital. That'll only make things worse. lifes a struggle...