Live your life knowing
Here's my therapy. Writing everything I'm feeling in a letter to the person without sending it.
Chelsea:
Oh boy. Where to start? Well, let's start at the beginning. I fell in love with you the first time I heard your name. I will swear by it. I still love you to this day. But, the time came when I needed to love myself more than I love you. I don't think you can understand that. I just got so tired of trying and trying and playing all of your stupid little games in hopes of winning. All I ever wanted from you was your love. Pure and simple. I know now, this is something you'll never be able to give. I still haven't decided if it's Sara's fault, or your own. You are honestly like a drug, addicting and as soon as I'm sober and well you come crashing back in waving your scent in my face, tempting me with sweet words until I relapse. It's sick. It's disgusting. How can you do that to a person? Especially someone who loves you as much as I do. Maybe I just have too many feelings...too much emotion. It's your loss though. You will never experience the love we could've had and you never even tried. That's something you're going to have to live with for the rest of you life. I have wasted two years on you. Two years of love I won't ever get back. But, that's okay with me, because I can say I tried. I stayed and tried and you spit in my face and turned away. You can keep coming back but I won't ever be nice and caring and loving like I would've been. I am cold-hearted. I am a bitch. I am ruined because of you. But, only to you. I will not hold the pain you caused me against someone else. Everyone is different and you should realize that. You aren't ever going to find another Sara. Don't say you don't want to because I know you do. Chelsea, you can say it's my fault that we don't talk, but can you honestly blame me for flipping out on you for not even caring? For being a bitch because of how you've treated me? If you think you can, well that's your problem. I don't care anymore Chelsea. Your opinions and thoughts mean nothing to me now. You mean nothing to me. My god, I know I still love you. My heart hasn't yet comprehended my head's decision. But, my heart's gotten me no where with you so it's time to start listening to my head.
Michelle
Dad:
First and foremost I love you Dad. Even though you're always pissing me off. I can't stand that you let Mindy call you Dad. I don't care what you have to say about it. It hurts everytime the words leave your mouth. And that day you came to look at my car and said Which Daughter? Michelle or Mindy.....that killed a part of me. How dare you say something like that and not include Vanessa. It disgusts me. It hurts me that you put Candi and her family before your own. They are not your family Dad. Wake up and smell the roses. I'm having issues and you put them off constantly. Candi has a problem and it's drop everything and fucking run to her. That's not how families are supposed to work. It may have been over a year ago that I lived with you but the things that happened that year won't ever be forgiven and they won't ever be forgotten. That may be stupid and I may be this or that but the facts are the facts. Ya know? You can't change the past dad, and I understand that. But, you aren't doing shit to help our future.
Love always,
Michelle
Mom:
Like dad, I'd like to say first and foremost I love you. I am grateful that you have let me stay here. But, that doesn't excuse the fact that you haven't paid for a damn thing for me since you and Dad got divorced. When I have issues, I'm supposed to go to my dad or I fix it on my own. That is not how mothers are supposed to be. You weren't there for me when I was growing up, in the years I needed a mother the most. And though it hurts me a lot when I think about it, I have to thank you because you brought Vanessa and I closer together. She was a mother to me when I had none. I don't have much to say to you because it'd be pointless. You are unable in your mind to realize your mistakes and try to fix them. That's just something you're always going to have to live with.
Love always,
Michelle
Dan:
How awkward it is that I'm writing you a letter. If you would've told me a few months ago to write you a letter, it would've been filled with harsh words and all other things like that. To make a confession, I like you...or at least I think I do. I'm not completely positive on the matter. To make a bigger confession: I have always had this sort of thing for you....since I started working at the pizzeria. Weird huh? Being that we were always at each other's throats. But, that's the way life is. And I know we have a lot of differences on our views of the world but I can look passed that. What I really need to know is what you think about me? Do you think of me as a piece of ass...nothing more? Do you like me as just a friend? A potential lover? These questions need answering. Your "dip" habit, disgusts me. But, I can live with it...though there would be guidelines. I can't seem to figure you out. Find what you want.
Michelle