(no subject)
Today was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I figured I'd start crying in my last class, trig, which I have with Natey and only 8 other people. But no. Mr. Lauder's morning announcement made me cry, as did everyone elses' crying. And then some more when it started to sink in even more every time I looked at someone's pin...it was just a horrible day. And, to top it off, Mrs. Grimshaw wasn't even here for trig...she's in Texas. I wanted her to be there so bad to help us get through this. At least she'll be there tomorrow. I don't know...it's just so hard...I keep seeing Nate and I just wish my last goodbye wasn't just a regular goodbye...I really miss him. So much...you really never know how much you're going to miss someone until they're gone.
Anyway, the rest of this is probably just going to be memories because I can't stop crying and I need to vent.
Last semester he was my pillow during Photo...someone to play Life with...this semester we became better friends. It was always me, Emma, and Nate...making fun of each other for something...Last summer and stuff he was at Ben's playing volleyball a lot and I talked to him and hung around with him but we were never close. It's just that now that I've gotten close to him he's being taken away and it hurts so much...It was only a week ago that he sat in the same desk I was in today...I won't see him wander around looking for the trash can anymore...he won't try to erase Emma with Mrs. Grimshaw's eraser...he won't be there to eat all the food...or try to make me feel better when I'm PMSing or sick...Nate had no enemies. Why do the best people always have to be taken away? Everyone loved Nate...even when they thought his constant talking/noises were annoying. You couldn't hate Nate. He is the last person who deserved something like this. He was always there for you...always...his screenname is still online and it still kills me to look at it. Still, I always look at his profile...
I guess this is just the first time I've lost someone I was actually close to...if I was 10 minutes later getting home Friday night he might not have crashed...he might have seen us and stopped to say hi. I wonder if he was thinking "Hey that's Anna's house" before it happened. I left him a note with some flowers...maybe he saw me and read it. I can't say I've ever truly prayed before...but last night I prayed. I've never really thought of anyone who's passed away being able to watch over us...but now that I've lost someone who meant something to me, I feel like he's here all of the time. I hope he knows I miss him. I put him on the school website and I'm making him his own page in the class day slideshow. Maybe I'll print out that and put it with him too. God...this hurts so bad. We're saving him a seat at graduation and we'll be wearing our pins. Maybe he will be sitting in that chair. And tomorrow I have Trig with him first period. And maybe he'll be there with us.
Anyway, the rest of this is probably just going to be memories because I can't stop crying and I need to vent.
Last semester he was my pillow during Photo...someone to play Life with...this semester we became better friends. It was always me, Emma, and Nate...making fun of each other for something...Last summer and stuff he was at Ben's playing volleyball a lot and I talked to him and hung around with him but we were never close. It's just that now that I've gotten close to him he's being taken away and it hurts so much...It was only a week ago that he sat in the same desk I was in today...I won't see him wander around looking for the trash can anymore...he won't try to erase Emma with Mrs. Grimshaw's eraser...he won't be there to eat all the food...or try to make me feel better when I'm PMSing or sick...Nate had no enemies. Why do the best people always have to be taken away? Everyone loved Nate...even when they thought his constant talking/noises were annoying. You couldn't hate Nate. He is the last person who deserved something like this. He was always there for you...always...his screenname is still online and it still kills me to look at it. Still, I always look at his profile...
I guess this is just the first time I've lost someone I was actually close to...if I was 10 minutes later getting home Friday night he might not have crashed...he might have seen us and stopped to say hi. I wonder if he was thinking "Hey that's Anna's house" before it happened. I left him a note with some flowers...maybe he saw me and read it. I can't say I've ever truly prayed before...but last night I prayed. I've never really thought of anyone who's passed away being able to watch over us...but now that I've lost someone who meant something to me, I feel like he's here all of the time. I hope he knows I miss him. I put him on the school website and I'm making him his own page in the class day slideshow. Maybe I'll print out that and put it with him too. God...this hurts so bad. We're saving him a seat at graduation and we'll be wearing our pins. Maybe he will be sitting in that chair. And tomorrow I have Trig with him first period. And maybe he'll be there with us.