my kingdom for a fighting chance.
i am ocean-bound, and if you take my hand i swear ill take you right down into those waves with me. i am a star, been busied falling for way too long, and the crash is here- are you coming? i will take you under those waves with me and deep down into caverns that your mind could never dream. sea scapes of insanity in which we can lose ourselves... but only if you follow me. with you. without you. i am making this trip. i am taking the fall- but are you coming?
no, this star never had a fighting chance. &this star falls alone.
aranda called, for which i was glad, but apparently my mood is dire enough that i could not appreciate even that. it will pass, though, of that i am sure. at some point, ill be able to think clearly again. we are getting together sunday. i have the best time with her, though we do nothing at all. i have a guess what will happen... another drive to alabama and six long hours of conversation about things that other people never understand. i am lucky to know her. grateful, really. its too hard to find lasting friendships with people who are so very much like me. and shes the closest thing there is. that sort of understanding is priceless. so i guess im in luck that she and i managed to stick it out despite being pushed apart. six hours, more or less, of universe-speak and philosophy. i hope it will be refreshing. at the moment i feel like being angry, but i have nothing at which to direct my sense of rage. its quite irksome.
i am getting the car fixed tomorrow. if i am lucky, i wont have to pay for it. i still havent had the necessary body work done. le sigh. if someone would care to donate a few thousand dollars, id appreciate it... i must be a horrid person to be related to. lets hope i dont wind up a monumental failure, ay? no, i know that wont happen. as much as i recognize how absurd it is, i will still live my life in the same way that all those people camus talked about live theirs. the only difference is that i see. i will still live like every step counts and the road between point A and point C actually matters. but lately it really seems ive lost my talent for everything. so what the fuck do i do now?
no, this star never had a fighting chance. &this star falls alone.
aranda called, for which i was glad, but apparently my mood is dire enough that i could not appreciate even that. it will pass, though, of that i am sure. at some point, ill be able to think clearly again. we are getting together sunday. i have the best time with her, though we do nothing at all. i have a guess what will happen... another drive to alabama and six long hours of conversation about things that other people never understand. i am lucky to know her. grateful, really. its too hard to find lasting friendships with people who are so very much like me. and shes the closest thing there is. that sort of understanding is priceless. so i guess im in luck that she and i managed to stick it out despite being pushed apart. six hours, more or less, of universe-speak and philosophy. i hope it will be refreshing. at the moment i feel like being angry, but i have nothing at which to direct my sense of rage. its quite irksome.
i am getting the car fixed tomorrow. if i am lucky, i wont have to pay for it. i still havent had the necessary body work done. le sigh. if someone would care to donate a few thousand dollars, id appreciate it... i must be a horrid person to be related to. lets hope i dont wind up a monumental failure, ay? no, i know that wont happen. as much as i recognize how absurd it is, i will still live my life in the same way that all those people camus talked about live theirs. the only difference is that i see. i will still live like every step counts and the road between point A and point C actually matters. but lately it really seems ive lost my talent for everything. so what the fuck do i do now?