Dear Cats:
I know you're hungry. Really. But when you want me to get out of bed in the morning and feed you, some methods work better than others.
Come on, I don't go around waking you up all the time. Cut me a break here.
Love,
The lady with the can opener
- I know you can't read a clock, but you know what position the sun is when I get up. The Crack of Dawn isn't it. The sun must be above the horizon for me to get up and feed you. Otherwise, I will go back to sleep and ignore any other entreaties to get up.
- When waking me up, I prefer the gentle sniff-and-purr method. If that doesn't work, settling in for a good cuddle and nap until I get up is ideal. The rest of you, please watch Miss Timmy for tips.
- The following methods are NOT appreciated and will get your furry butts punted out the bedroom door:
- Licking my eyelids.
- Putting all four paws together and standing with your full weight on a particularly sensitive portion of my anatomy. Ten pounds goes a long way when focused entirely on my bladder.
- Crying.
- Shoving me off my pillow. There's another pillow on the bed--get your own.
- Scratching at the covers, especially when your paws are dirty (see below).
- Chewing on the curtains. I've trained myself to ignore that teeth-grinding sound. Machine-made lace curtains are fairly cheap.
- Digging at the miniblinds. I am tired of fixing and replacing bent miniblinds. I will give you one warning, followed by a shot from the water gun and followed by eviction.
- Setting off the burglar alarm. You haven't done this yet, but it's only a matter of time.
- Biting me. Don't do it.
- Using the litter box, then racing to my room and sitting on my face. Seriously, Misha, that's nasty. Nobody wants to wake up to that.
- Licking my eyelids.
- And by the way, if I go back to bed after feeding you, you are not allowed to wake me up on principle. And once I wake up, I won't fall for your starving routine.
Come on, I don't go around waking you up all the time. Cut me a break here.
Love,
The lady with the can opener