Spider Season
Over on her blog, Jane posted a link to this journal and all my spider stories. Which reminded me of the latest assaults on my tender sensibilities. The first encounter for the year with a GIANT HONKING INKBLOT OF DOOM was in my pantry at three in the morning. Why I was up at three in the morning doesn't factor in, but hopefully my shriek didn't wake the neighbors. I later found the inkblot dead on the floor of the tearoom (or maybe it was a new one), a likely victim of my Fearless Spider Hunter.
The second time happened about a week later. I had already scouted my shower for spiders out of habit, so imagine my surprise as I reached for the shampoo, and...
Cue scary music: BWAAAAAAAAAMP!
Inches from my left shoulder crouched a GIANT HONKING INKBLOT OF DOOM. I nearly took the shower curtain with me as, with a shriek, I leaped out of the shower, raised the shower head and hosed down the entire bathroom. It tried frantically to dodge the water, but eventually got waterlogged enough that I was able to beat it to death with a shampoo bottle. There it lay, one leg sticking out from under the bottle as I finished my shower.
And lest you think I'm a total wimp, it looked just like this one:
Note to the giant huntsman spiders who live in my house: I appreciate that you eat roaches. I really do. Being that this is Florida, the house has its share. But please... When the lights are on, stay behind the picture frames or wherever else you hide. If you get that close to me and ambush my eyeballs with your giant sprawling scariness, I WILL beat you to death. With extreme prejudice.
The second time happened about a week later. I had already scouted my shower for spiders out of habit, so imagine my surprise as I reached for the shampoo, and...
Cue scary music: BWAAAAAAAAAMP!
Inches from my left shoulder crouched a GIANT HONKING INKBLOT OF DOOM. I nearly took the shower curtain with me as, with a shriek, I leaped out of the shower, raised the shower head and hosed down the entire bathroom. It tried frantically to dodge the water, but eventually got waterlogged enough that I was able to beat it to death with a shampoo bottle. There it lay, one leg sticking out from under the bottle as I finished my shower.
And lest you think I'm a total wimp, it looked just like this one:
Click to viewNote to the giant huntsman spiders who live in my house: I appreciate that you eat roaches. I really do. Being that this is Florida, the house has its share. But please... When the lights are on, stay behind the picture frames or wherever else you hide. If you get that close to me and ambush my eyeballs with your giant sprawling scariness, I WILL beat you to death. With extreme prejudice.