(no subject)
badass.
i always thought momma was on my side.
the fact that she warned me i might need to febreeze or clean certain things out of my car before my dad works on it tonight just proved that.
she's cool as hell and she understands. she understands that i have to make my own decisions.
drinking - "just don't ever drive, and make sure you're with people you trust"
cigarettes - "hey, these are the choices you're making. as long as you can deal with them, whatever"
pot - "you honestly believe it isn't affecting your life negatively, and i hope that you're responsible enough to know when it is and do something about it"
coke - "you're still everything i hoped for, and honey we all make mistakes"
i love this woman, she's one of the few in my family i can say that about with no doubts.
that's why it kills me that she might not be happy.
if you've never read the play A Doll's House, you should. boys tend to think of it one way, and girls another. most guys think that it is irresponsible and a huge mistake for a woman to walk out on her husband and children, and most girls think that the character nora is right in her decision, because you can't love someone else until you love yourself. in spite of how devastating it may seem, i couldn't help being happy if my mom walked out today in search of everything she's missed.
i think my mom was trapped. there was something she was scared to face, so she looked for the most stable life she could find. and she certainly found it, but i can't believe she's happy.
the way she cries when she talks to me about next year, and how once i'm gone it will be just her and him in this big house for the rest of their lives, cements this for me. and maybe she does love him, or she did at one point, but he's so fucking hard to deal with i can understnad her tears. that's why she got a full time job - she needed independence, she said, money and responsibilities and a place that he was not a part of at all.
i can't settle. i've always been bad at it.
i just hope i end up happy, whether it's her kind of happy or not.
i always thought momma was on my side.
the fact that she warned me i might need to febreeze or clean certain things out of my car before my dad works on it tonight just proved that.
she's cool as hell and she understands. she understands that i have to make my own decisions.
drinking - "just don't ever drive, and make sure you're with people you trust"
cigarettes - "hey, these are the choices you're making. as long as you can deal with them, whatever"
pot - "you honestly believe it isn't affecting your life negatively, and i hope that you're responsible enough to know when it is and do something about it"
coke - "you're still everything i hoped for, and honey we all make mistakes"
i love this woman, she's one of the few in my family i can say that about with no doubts.
that's why it kills me that she might not be happy.
if you've never read the play A Doll's House, you should. boys tend to think of it one way, and girls another. most guys think that it is irresponsible and a huge mistake for a woman to walk out on her husband and children, and most girls think that the character nora is right in her decision, because you can't love someone else until you love yourself. in spite of how devastating it may seem, i couldn't help being happy if my mom walked out today in search of everything she's missed.
i think my mom was trapped. there was something she was scared to face, so she looked for the most stable life she could find. and she certainly found it, but i can't believe she's happy.
the way she cries when she talks to me about next year, and how once i'm gone it will be just her and him in this big house for the rest of their lives, cements this for me. and maybe she does love him, or she did at one point, but he's so fucking hard to deal with i can understnad her tears. that's why she got a full time job - she needed independence, she said, money and responsibilities and a place that he was not a part of at all.
i can't settle. i've always been bad at it.
i just hope i end up happy, whether it's her kind of happy or not.