The more we have the more we want...
So...today was awful. Last night, I watched the third Lord of the Rings...and yes I do have it early =). Okay...hold on....start voer. So...today was awful. My mom kept forgetting the shit she was gonna give me for my project(3 days in a row)and I realized last night that I didn't know what to do with it. It was finished and all that, but it wasn't like put together in magazine form yet. So I watched the movie, it ended at 11. I went upstairs and started working on an idea to get that shit in one piece. Well...couldn't do it. I asked my dad for help, and he didn't know either. My mom told me to go to bed and work on it this morning. So I did. Oh yeah, after my dad told me a was a complete failure...but that's a different story. Anyways....woke up at 4:30 this morning to work on that junk. I had to use ghetto ass tape and tape the sides together, which is something I was trying my best NOT to use....geez. So, I run out of tape. Oh JOY! I'm sitting in my room having a nervous breakdown because I can't get this project together and my dad's telling me to hurry up and get downstairs to eat. I don't want to eat...wtf is he smoking? Anyways, I try to hurry up and brush my teeth before I go down there, but no...he comes upstairs and starts yelling at me and telling me how I've been putting off this project and blah blah blah and how I never get the stuff I have to do done. Telling me I'm blaming it on he and my mom. I'm just crying because I don't know what I can say. Then......"You're not going to that stupid party after school today either since you can't learn how to get your work done." I'm just thinking no way...this is so fucking stupid. So I'm crying more. (lots of crying in this story) Then I go and do some stuff (keeping my actions disclosed because I don't want some people that read this to find out) and I feel like shit even more. I say fuck you to make-up becos I can't stop crying and shaking long enough to look in the mirror. So, we have to leave for jolly ol school. Oh yippy. The drive there I was just praying and praying and praying that a car would just t-bone us right on MY side......I'd get to the hospital with my parents and I'd be like, oh sorry I put that off for MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!! God...I hate this crap. Anyways....no t-bones or anything. I'm still crying by the way.....we get to school and my mom's like you need to hurry and dry that shit up...I was like Are you KIDDING me woman? She wasn't kidding me either.....sheesh. But I didn't so I guess it doesn't matter. I just sat there outside on a bench crying like an idiot until I got up the nerve to run into school and run to Pitzl's class. She's not there. I'm thinking This is NOT happening to me...not right now. So I go to Fritz's office and use her tape to finish my stuff. Then I just kind of stand outside the classroom door by myself looking all pathetic and stuff until the bell rings. I walked around a little bit, trying to calm the hell down, didn't work though. I go back to the door and when I stroll up, all the other kids at the door just look at me like I'm on crack or somethin. I'm hating it but I didn't care to bark out some harsh words like I usually would. Oh well. Anyways, she gets there, turn the project in...I'm just sitting there with my head down, crying about what a piss poor job I did on this project and all the other stuff I think about when I'm depressed. I tried to lighten up towards the end of class because everyone kept asking me what was wrong? are you okay? what happened? and I just couldn't take it. So I laughed and blah blah blah. Class ends. I head to Geometry. I get in there and Raven KNEW something was wrong. I guess my pity party affected everyone else, huh? *shrug* I do that to people I suppose. Anyway, she comes over and I just flip out, telling her everything that happened and yada yada yada. She tells me to forget about it and blow it off, but ya know, I'm not good at that. But it was nice to talk to someone. So like right before the bell rings, Rachel's at my classroom door, waving for me to come over to her. I had actually stopped crying, but Rachel...damnit if she didn't make me start crying again. She hugged me really good and I hugged her back....I really needed that hug........:( then I told her I wasn't going and that I was staying at school. She told me she wasn't going either...and I hugged her again. But she was still checking out. Crying more....Test for geometry starts. I know I failed hardcore. But I don't even care. So, I go to lunch....well first I went to Green's class and put my junk up, and he asked me if I was okay....more crying. I hate when people ask me that!!!!! IT MAKES ME CRY!!! I'm such a baby. Anyways....I walked to the lunch room.....and NO exaggeration......only like 75...maybe 75 kids were in there. Abnd that was all the kids left in the school too? I'm just thinking this is so bullshit. So I go back to Green's and Collins, Maynor, and Drew Roden come in there. We all sit down and play Old Maid...I lost 5 times...we played Go Fish....I lost both times. Started playing Rummy....and Val comes on the thingy and asks for my dismissal......*SHOCK* I'm amazed. I think Holy crap I'm in TROUBLE....again. But no...my dad called the school and asked how many kids had checked out. They told him that there were about 80 kids left in the school. And he decided that he didn't want me to be there becos he figured that the only kids left were like the outcasts and shit. So, he brought me home...without saying he was sorry. That pisses me off, becos he can't EVER admit he was wrong...and he was wrong. Oh well....so I get home, lay down, try to sleep but I can't. My mom gets home....I took some pictures of Daisy and then I came up here and started typing. And here we are. Well....I guess I'll go now...maybe I'll get back later on....Adios~