nani wo shinjiru no ka, nani wo aisuru no ka
someone is sleeping on the couch u__u;;;; not really sure what i should do.
i guess jamis and i are extending our break indefinitely. we're not like, done, broken up for good or whatever. well, maybe we are. still on good terms. i'm still living here. not moving any of my shit. still sharing a room, just not sleeping in the same one. we're just taking time to be on our own. who knows if we'll decide to get back together or not, it's really completely up in the air.
i'm doing okay. people are either being jerks or really nice about it. dewgy and nick have both offered to hang out with me and stuff. me and dewgy [he is my best girl friend who is not a girl] went to easton last night and had dinner at max & erma's. we look hilarious together, mainly because we both dress like fuckheads. [dewgy apparently calls his style 'grandmaflauge'.] i've been trying to get out of the house a lot. as much as possible. hanging out with tom, clay, ally, and their neighbors. i have a really good time with them. i'm either at home on the computer moping and listening to music or out trying to have fun and get my mind off things.
also working a LOT. 36 hours between wholly craft and f21 this week. MASS BANK. it's good for my savings account, and i'm trying to buy nicer, girlier-but-still-fgt clothes to wear to work. i'm a little too grunge i think, working there is kind of helping me open my mind to wearing other things besides the typical osirises, skinny jeans and v-neck shirt. i found this top [in black] at the store the other day and tried it on. looks p. good on me so i put it on hold until i got paid. someone put it back =|. and it got bought. so i actually sought it out online and bought it, paying the extra $6 for shipping. and i'm stingy. it looks different on me than it does in the picture. CLOTHES GFS
i should be in bed but i don't want to miss anything.
my paycheck for 2 weeks of work at F21 was $430. that's the biggest paycheck i've ever gotten. it's pretty nice. i'm helping contribute to rent now, since i can afford it.
i'm getting serious about getting my driver's license, mainly because i'm cornered and don't know how i'm going to get to school at the end of august. i already talked about that. my mom is gonna help me.
worst case scenario: my aunt and uncle just moved into my grandpa's house, since he is now in a retirement home. they live close to high street. i could live with them during the week to get to school easier, then be here [at the apartment] on weekends to get to work easier.
still don't really want to go to school.
i am pleasantly surprised when people are much more complex when i expect them to be.
i am probably at my absolute most vulnerable right now.
my dad came over and saw the apartment today. for the first time. in the 5-6 months i've been living here.
that says a lot about my relationship with my dad.
i just sort of want to stay drunk all week. i've been doing a pretty good job of that, without going overboard either.
i really hate being a girl sometimes. emotions are terrible.
i've been eating less and smoking a little more. the eating less is mostly lack of time to grab stuff from home and lack of money to go out and buy stuff on the days i work. i just don't think about it when i'm busy at F21. that's probably good.
i'm still scared of zombies.
and i still hope i'm not wasting my time.
puke. i would like to feel love again.
i guess jamis and i are extending our break indefinitely. we're not like, done, broken up for good or whatever. well, maybe we are. still on good terms. i'm still living here. not moving any of my shit. still sharing a room, just not sleeping in the same one. we're just taking time to be on our own. who knows if we'll decide to get back together or not, it's really completely up in the air.
i'm doing okay. people are either being jerks or really nice about it. dewgy and nick have both offered to hang out with me and stuff. me and dewgy [he is my best girl friend who is not a girl] went to easton last night and had dinner at max & erma's. we look hilarious together, mainly because we both dress like fuckheads. [dewgy apparently calls his style 'grandmaflauge'.] i've been trying to get out of the house a lot. as much as possible. hanging out with tom, clay, ally, and their neighbors. i have a really good time with them. i'm either at home on the computer moping and listening to music or out trying to have fun and get my mind off things.
also working a LOT. 36 hours between wholly craft and f21 this week. MASS BANK. it's good for my savings account, and i'm trying to buy nicer, girlier-but-still-fgt clothes to wear to work. i'm a little too grunge i think, working there is kind of helping me open my mind to wearing other things besides the typical osirises, skinny jeans and v-neck shirt. i found this top [in black] at the store the other day and tried it on. looks p. good on me so i put it on hold until i got paid. someone put it back =|. and it got bought. so i actually sought it out online and bought it, paying the extra $6 for shipping. and i'm stingy. it looks different on me than it does in the picture. CLOTHES GFS
i should be in bed but i don't want to miss anything.
my paycheck for 2 weeks of work at F21 was $430. that's the biggest paycheck i've ever gotten. it's pretty nice. i'm helping contribute to rent now, since i can afford it.
i'm getting serious about getting my driver's license, mainly because i'm cornered and don't know how i'm going to get to school at the end of august. i already talked about that. my mom is gonna help me.
worst case scenario: my aunt and uncle just moved into my grandpa's house, since he is now in a retirement home. they live close to high street. i could live with them during the week to get to school easier, then be here [at the apartment] on weekends to get to work easier.
still don't really want to go to school.
i am pleasantly surprised when people are much more complex when i expect them to be.
i am probably at my absolute most vulnerable right now.
my dad came over and saw the apartment today. for the first time. in the 5-6 months i've been living here.
that says a lot about my relationship with my dad.
i just sort of want to stay drunk all week. i've been doing a pretty good job of that, without going overboard either.
i really hate being a girl sometimes. emotions are terrible.
i've been eating less and smoking a little more. the eating less is mostly lack of time to grab stuff from home and lack of money to go out and buy stuff on the days i work. i just don't think about it when i'm busy at F21. that's probably good.
i'm still scared of zombies.
and i still hope i'm not wasting my time.
puke. i would like to feel love again.