(no subject)
so from now on im making my journal friends only- im tired of drama from people who too ignorant to say who they are and who try to feed my amazing boyfriends lies. i know i should leave this alone but im tired of these people(thank yo bo i really appreciate how paciive you are)he knows about everything... ive told him about EVERYTHING from my past- he knows how i treated my past two boyfriends. and hes not like them in the slightest. if andy hadnt emotionally and physically abused me- maybe things wouldnt have turned out so bad (i can assure you that i never loved him at 15 years old. what 15 year as even the slightest incling what love for the opposite sex is at that time- aside from infatuation?) maybe everyone hadn't pushed me to force me into staying with in a relationship i desperately wanted out of for over a year just cause "that's how it's done kristen. you get pregnant have the baby and stay with him." i have news, in the REAL world- not st. alnans west virginia maybe- but the real world- it's not like that.
and then philip was really i guess just me wanting out. and i used him i guess to get out of the situation and i thought i was happy but by the time i realized i wasnt- it was too late and i had nothing left and had to deal with not being happy with him and after 6 months of true unhappiness i started to... cheat on him for another 6 months almost. it was fucked up. im awful blah blah blah. but i did what i did- and i dont feel too bad about most of it. i never said i hated him- i didnt until the marleys incident.
and to answer anything anyone may question about MY reproductive rights-- about MY body- about MY choices- rest assured to know that i will be getting an abortion for every pregnancy i have until im ready to have children and properly take care of them the way they need to be. something some people should maybe take into consideration before "doing the right thing." i love dylan with all my heart, but i cant take care of him now- i cant take care of myself. i didnt LEAVE dylan- i left him in a GOOD safe ENRICHED environment where hed be exposed to everything i never was. what the fuck is wrong with people who think that because you get pregnant it means having a child? it means throwing your life and the life of the child down the drain? and if you realize later that youre not the mother he deserves and decide that maybe- he deserves better so you let him stay in a place you KNOW hes loved and well taken care of- what makes you so terrible for that? given- i know i should have try and seen him more over the last year but things are close to impossible with schedules and stuff. im just tired of everyone telling me how awful i am- when im doing what i know is best for him and for mysef. stop trying to attack me for my choices in my life- im happy with them, dont try to discourage that. you wont succeed.
as for bo- he is completely different from any boy ive ever known. i dont have to lie about loving him- i couldnt- he would see right through me. i dont get disgusted by his touch- i actually start the kisses and touching. i LOVE when people see us together and know hes with me. it makes me proud. he doesnt belittle me or weasel his way into my heart. he loves me for me- not for how i look or for some reason in his head but because he sees life in me. and i love him because hes everything i wish i could be. i love james buchanan ballard- he knows this and i know this- it doesnt matter if you do.
and so after this- its friends only.
and then philip was really i guess just me wanting out. and i used him i guess to get out of the situation and i thought i was happy but by the time i realized i wasnt- it was too late and i had nothing left and had to deal with not being happy with him and after 6 months of true unhappiness i started to... cheat on him for another 6 months almost. it was fucked up. im awful blah blah blah. but i did what i did- and i dont feel too bad about most of it. i never said i hated him- i didnt until the marleys incident.
and to answer anything anyone may question about MY reproductive rights-- about MY body- about MY choices- rest assured to know that i will be getting an abortion for every pregnancy i have until im ready to have children and properly take care of them the way they need to be. something some people should maybe take into consideration before "doing the right thing." i love dylan with all my heart, but i cant take care of him now- i cant take care of myself. i didnt LEAVE dylan- i left him in a GOOD safe ENRICHED environment where hed be exposed to everything i never was. what the fuck is wrong with people who think that because you get pregnant it means having a child? it means throwing your life and the life of the child down the drain? and if you realize later that youre not the mother he deserves and decide that maybe- he deserves better so you let him stay in a place you KNOW hes loved and well taken care of- what makes you so terrible for that? given- i know i should have try and seen him more over the last year but things are close to impossible with schedules and stuff. im just tired of everyone telling me how awful i am- when im doing what i know is best for him and for mysef. stop trying to attack me for my choices in my life- im happy with them, dont try to discourage that. you wont succeed.
as for bo- he is completely different from any boy ive ever known. i dont have to lie about loving him- i couldnt- he would see right through me. i dont get disgusted by his touch- i actually start the kisses and touching. i LOVE when people see us together and know hes with me. it makes me proud. he doesnt belittle me or weasel his way into my heart. he loves me for me- not for how i look or for some reason in his head but because he sees life in me. and i love him because hes everything i wish i could be. i love james buchanan ballard- he knows this and i know this- it doesnt matter if you do.
and so after this- its friends only.