(no subject)
so i think i have jealousy issues or something along those lines. like if he ever gets the chance to go out- i want him to call me or stop by for a second or something... and thats dumb considering how much i see him i guess. but i cant help but seem upset at the thought of him NOT calling or stopping by for a second. im not sure how healthy that is... and im pretty sure it has something to do with all these issues resurfacing. ive never been the jealous or possesive type. it's a weird feeling for me.
just please know- my smile is the only way i can convey what i think and feel for you. i think that should say more than enough.
ian used the word 'articles' to describe his clothing. it made me giggle.
i had a slight reality check this afternoon while trying to sleep on rucca's bed while doing laundry. everyone's bitterness, sadness, degree of tragedy in their life may differ- but i think we can all agree that having your love taken away by a seeminly random act of violence right before your first born child is due can pretty much make anyone's circumstances seem a bit brighter. i feel terrible for andrea and their child. i parked in the garage when i worked- that could have been any of us... it's sad that it had to be anyone. things like that shouldn't exist in a world-- especially on a day as bright and promising of hope as today. to have your love- your world- taken away with that act in such a random way must be a point in which few of us can understand. if that were to happen to me- im sure i would have no idea what to do or how to get on. i hope andrea and the baby are ok... they have my thoughts.
the anxiety and panic have gone down a bit, but im sleepy and hungry all the time. my heads fluffy... and i cant seemto distinguish anyone's moods or behaviors. it's upseeting to all my relationships right now. i worry too much about how they think of me and how they feel toward me.
however- i talked ian into bringing his 360 to the house so i could play oblivion. he brought the tv and system- and left the game in st. albans. he's awesome.
things are bleak still and boring. i wish i had plans or something... or something to look forward to. any suggestions?