Ranting ensues...
OK. First of all, let it be known that I love my girlfriend and am glad to be with her. That said, I feel I must get this rant out of me.
I honestly do not know what is wrong with me. I do not know what compels me to be with people that I am utterly and incurably incompatible with. I know these relationships will end in ruin but I continue to do so. I have a vision in my head... a sight of who and what I want and whenever I do have the opportunity to be with this person, to finally wrap them in my arms and breath in their scent I completely and utterly fuck everything up. I end up so far from my version of the penultimate girlfriend that it astounds everyone who knows me. It confuses me!
I believe it would be easier if I were handsome or funny or witty or charming or rich or smart or... well... not me... but goddammit I fucking deserve what I want too don't I? I don't think I ask for much in the way of that but I feel like it will forever be out of my grasp and that I will die alone and cold with no one to hold me while I finally succumb to my inevitable death.
I love my girlfriend. I really do. She is not who I envisioned myself with though. She does not like the things I do and has no inclination to compromise on them what so ever. I know that at some point there will be a falling out and I will be forced to push her away, but I do not think she will mind.
I know who and what I want and I know I will never have it. I believe that maybe I was dealt a bad hand in this life. That perhaps my next incarnation will be something more than me. That perhaps pain and suffering were what I was meant to learn in this lifetime and perhaps happiness was never really meant for me. Perhaps the person of my dreams is halfway across the fucking country for a reason. Hell... even if they were sitting right next to me I know I'd never have a chance with all the blatant inadequacies I possess. Even if the specter in my mind were here they would still be unattainable to me. After all... dirt remains dirt no matter how it tries to change itself.
I honestly do not know what is wrong with me. I do not know what compels me to be with people that I am utterly and incurably incompatible with. I know these relationships will end in ruin but I continue to do so. I have a vision in my head... a sight of who and what I want and whenever I do have the opportunity to be with this person, to finally wrap them in my arms and breath in their scent I completely and utterly fuck everything up. I end up so far from my version of the penultimate girlfriend that it astounds everyone who knows me. It confuses me!
I believe it would be easier if I were handsome or funny or witty or charming or rich or smart or... well... not me... but goddammit I fucking deserve what I want too don't I? I don't think I ask for much in the way of that but I feel like it will forever be out of my grasp and that I will die alone and cold with no one to hold me while I finally succumb to my inevitable death.
I love my girlfriend. I really do. She is not who I envisioned myself with though. She does not like the things I do and has no inclination to compromise on them what so ever. I know that at some point there will be a falling out and I will be forced to push her away, but I do not think she will mind.
I know who and what I want and I know I will never have it. I believe that maybe I was dealt a bad hand in this life. That perhaps my next incarnation will be something more than me. That perhaps pain and suffering were what I was meant to learn in this lifetime and perhaps happiness was never really meant for me. Perhaps the person of my dreams is halfway across the fucking country for a reason. Hell... even if they were sitting right next to me I know I'd never have a chance with all the blatant inadequacies I possess. Even if the specter in my mind were here they would still be unattainable to me. After all... dirt remains dirt no matter how it tries to change itself.