Wash over me..
What a day, today has been.
And how thankful I am for it.
I woke up this morning to an email of a different kind from my lief today. This one seemed hopeful...stronger - and not to mention, included notifying me that he still wanted to come see me. Words cannot express the immediate relief and joy I felt reading that email.
Although we talked all day, we talked slowly and carefully - which was good. Like slowly easing back into the water.. I know we will need time. But I also know how much I want him, and us. As far as my feelings go, nothing has changed there at all. I love him. I love you.
Although as much as I wanted to scream out with happiness (and believe me, the happiness is there) - the fear of losing him again clouds my ability to fully be happy. Please, please be strong for me...for me...and for us.
After he went to bed, I suddenly realized just HOW shitty I felt - physically. My body aching all over, I decided to have a hot bath. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, and lay down into the tub, letting the hot water cover my tired, aching body. I was finally able to read some of my Twilight book, as well. I haven't touched it since that day - when I tried to read it, it seemed as if it were making a mockery of my once fairy-tale life. But I could read it today. The two lovers got engaged.
After my eyes were too heavy to read anymore, I let out my bathwater and turned on the shower, and sat with the hot water running down on me. I closed my eyes and slowly let it wash away my pain...emotionally and physically. I tried to cry it out - just to let it all out - but I was dry. I had cried all day, after all. Nonetheless, I let the water purify me, and came out feeling refreshed and happier.
All I have had today were two cups of tea, but that's all I've wanted. I just need the warmth...from the tea, from the shower, and from him.
*Sighs*.
We're on the edge of a golden world.
xo
And how thankful I am for it.
I woke up this morning to an email of a different kind from my lief today. This one seemed hopeful...stronger - and not to mention, included notifying me that he still wanted to come see me. Words cannot express the immediate relief and joy I felt reading that email.
Although we talked all day, we talked slowly and carefully - which was good. Like slowly easing back into the water.. I know we will need time. But I also know how much I want him, and us. As far as my feelings go, nothing has changed there at all. I love him. I love you.
Although as much as I wanted to scream out with happiness (and believe me, the happiness is there) - the fear of losing him again clouds my ability to fully be happy. Please, please be strong for me...for me...and for us.
After he went to bed, I suddenly realized just HOW shitty I felt - physically. My body aching all over, I decided to have a hot bath. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, and lay down into the tub, letting the hot water cover my tired, aching body. I was finally able to read some of my Twilight book, as well. I haven't touched it since that day - when I tried to read it, it seemed as if it were making a mockery of my once fairy-tale life. But I could read it today. The two lovers got engaged.
After my eyes were too heavy to read anymore, I let out my bathwater and turned on the shower, and sat with the hot water running down on me. I closed my eyes and slowly let it wash away my pain...emotionally and physically. I tried to cry it out - just to let it all out - but I was dry. I had cried all day, after all. Nonetheless, I let the water purify me, and came out feeling refreshed and happier.
All I have had today were two cups of tea, but that's all I've wanted. I just need the warmth...from the tea, from the shower, and from him.
*Sighs*.
We're on the edge of a golden world.
xo