hmm....
so i'm finding out that sometimes being someone's friend just completely sucks. especially when you know that you want to be more than "just friends" with that person and that you're totally in love with them no matter how much pain they've caused you and you know that quite possibly in their eyes you'll never be more than "just a friend" ever again...
anyways, i'm finding now that the closer Christmas gets, the more I'm starting to dread it... it's beginning to depress me actually. this Christmas is going to be so different... i don't know if i'll be able to pull it together or not. at our Christmas get-together this year, there will be three people missing... and my goodness how i do miss them. you know sometimes i pull into the driveway and i look at my grandparents' house and i almost expect her to come over and look out the door like she used to do. it's so sad when the realization hits me a few seconds later that she's no longer there anymore, nor is my uncle who used to sit on the front porch, or is my papaw who used to sit in his recliner with the front door pulled back so he could watch the cars pass by...
i wonder how different it would be if they were still here, but like everyone always says, i wouldn't bring them back now if i could to their suffering and pain since they've already been able to experience Heaven, but i miss them and sometimes i just wish i could have more day with them when they were happy and healthy... even though it's impossible to do so now. i should have taken advantage of days like that when i did have the opportunity, but you can't undo the past.
and now i sit here and think of how many mistakes i've made and gosh, there's been a lot. some really big ones too... shew how i wish i could change those, but then who would i be today? i wouldn't be this broken-hearted little girl struggling through each day while trying to keep all the pain bottled up inside who appears to be alright on the outside now would i?
i guess that's enough complaining for this update...
i love you all. & i hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year....
anyways, i'm finding now that the closer Christmas gets, the more I'm starting to dread it... it's beginning to depress me actually. this Christmas is going to be so different... i don't know if i'll be able to pull it together or not. at our Christmas get-together this year, there will be three people missing... and my goodness how i do miss them. you know sometimes i pull into the driveway and i look at my grandparents' house and i almost expect her to come over and look out the door like she used to do. it's so sad when the realization hits me a few seconds later that she's no longer there anymore, nor is my uncle who used to sit on the front porch, or is my papaw who used to sit in his recliner with the front door pulled back so he could watch the cars pass by...
i wonder how different it would be if they were still here, but like everyone always says, i wouldn't bring them back now if i could to their suffering and pain since they've already been able to experience Heaven, but i miss them and sometimes i just wish i could have more day with them when they were happy and healthy... even though it's impossible to do so now. i should have taken advantage of days like that when i did have the opportunity, but you can't undo the past.
and now i sit here and think of how many mistakes i've made and gosh, there's been a lot. some really big ones too... shew how i wish i could change those, but then who would i be today? i wouldn't be this broken-hearted little girl struggling through each day while trying to keep all the pain bottled up inside who appears to be alright on the outside now would i?
i guess that's enough complaining for this update...
i love you all. & i hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year....