The Fiction He Lives - Part 2
Title: The Fiction He Lives - Part 2 of 3 or 4 haha
Author:x_cheapnovelty
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: M
Summary: Alex is the architect of Jack's despair.
POV: Third
Warnings: Angst, heartache, bad words
Disclaimer: Moderately imaginary.
Author Notes: Here you go. I've decided that it will not be a two-shot, but it will instead be a three or four shot.
so, uh... here, have some heartache :)
cut text similar to a Matchbook Romance song.
Jack was very good at playing his role. He no longer felt much, but he pretended to, and that made his life feel a lot less bottomless. He hadn’t moved from Baltimore and he hadn’t left his job; this idea terrified him, because he knew once he did, he would never, ever see Alex again, and his last hope that he clung so desperately to, was the most romanticized cliché: that his loved one would come to his senses, and come back for him.
Yeah, right. Still, Jack thought that maybe, maybe Alex would return.
Alex was Jack’s hopeless dream.
Now Jack had acquired a new boyfriend. He couldn’t bear to even attempt having a girlfriend, because he could at least pretend that this new boy was Alex. He felt bad, using this new boy this way, but at least Jack now had someone that actually liked him enough to want him in their life, and it made him slightly happier. The boy, Zack, was handsome, sweet and a bit of a space cadet, so he never truly picked up on Jack’s inner anguish and Jack liked it that way. They met at the coffee shop, of course; Jack didn’t really go anywhere else. Zack asked for his number and Jack figured whatever. So they fell into being, and on the outside, they were cute. Zack probably thought they were cute too. They’d watch movies, drink coffee, fuck, cuddle, whatever, as long as they never got the chance to just talk. Jack was afraid Zack would see through his guise if they ever just talked and he kinda liked having Zack around. So they stayed busy through sealed lips or small talk.
Alex was Jack’s shattered confidence.
Time passed, as it has a habit of doing. Jack was still with Zack, still at his coffee shop, still in Baltimore and still a devastated wreck of a person. Jack thought that maybe he would never muster up the courage to ever leave, and this scared him too, because he remembered that he once had dreams, once had hopes and aspirations. But they all involved Alex as a key character, so it had all turned to ash and Jack had lost all his ambition. It was an autumn Thursday afternoon and Jack was leaning against the coffee shop counter, trying to remember these aspirations and dreams; whatever he wanted for a future, when someone softly called his name.
“... Jack?” it was almost a whisper. Jack looked up and couldn’t breathe.
Alex.
Jack felt lightheaded. He couldn’t bring himself to breathe, but his body was telling him to, otherwise fainting or other dire consequences would ensue, and Jack didn’t want that, because he didn’t want Alex to disappear again, but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t make the lump go away, he couldn’t swallow and he thought to himself that at least he would die knowing that Alex came back for him. Then Alex spoke again; “please... can - can you say something?” and then Jack could. He inhaled a sharp gasp, which quickly turned into heaving breaths and Alex looked really worried now, but Jack finally choked out,
“Alex....... you’re. Here.”
Alex was Jack’s convulsing heart.
Alex and Jack were sat at a table in the coffee shop; Alex attempting to talk and Jack not saying a word. It was such an amazing relief to just see him again, to know he was real, to see that his hair was shorter and darker, he had some stubble and - Jack’s eyes zeroed in on Alex’s forearm. He had a tattoo. Alex followed Jack’s glare and laid his arm out on the table so that Jack could examine it properly. Jack was too scared to touch Alex just in case he lost his mind, but he leaned in real close and whispered “a trick-or-treater? Why?”
“Halloween... it’s my favourite.” Alex explained through his lashes. “Every Halloween with you was so much fun, since we were kids... we’d wreak havoc on the townsfolk of Baltimore... and then when we got older, it became our anniversary. It’s in autumn, y’know... the best season... and I couldn’t bear to go through Halloween on my own... without you... actually I... I was having a lot of trouble without you...” he trailed off, looking like he was about to cry. Jack was almost heartwarmed that Alex had a tattoo symbolizing him, but then he realised that he’d left, so it didn’t make sense, and the time was now for the elephant in the room to be addressed.
“Why did you leave?”
The silence was deafening.
“...Alex?”
“Jack, I...”
“I was going to come with you. You couldn’t wait? You couldn’t tell me-” Jack couldn’t finish. He suddenly wished it was dark, so no one could see his face.
“I know... but, Jack, I...”
“Please... I just... I need to make sense of why you left.” Jack said, closing his eyes. The strangest feeling was overwhelming him, and he wanted to leave, to just leave Baltimore, to leave Alex sitting here to be swallowed by guilt, and to become someone else.
“My reasoning at the time was really stupid...” Alex started. Jack was listening hard; this better be worth it. “I regret leaving without you now. So, at the time, we were graduating and everyone was all happy and close and stuff... and I mean, I know you had always said that you were set on coming with me and I believed you... but, you were so close with Tom and you had those secret conversations and... I went a bit crazy. I booked my flight and didn’t tell you because I suspected you of, of... but you wouldn’t do that I was so fucking stupid. But then I met Oliver... he emailed me, I went to school with him in England and, well, I thought... I don’t know what I thought. I thought by leaving, you would be free to, I don’t know, be... you. I never thought I deserved you, I guess... but I, I rang up Beckett and he said you were terrible and I got worried and... here I am.” Alex finished sheepishly.
Jack just sat there.
Alex started to blush.
Jack just sat there a bit longer.
Tom?
“Tom? Are you fucking kidding, Alex?!” Jack stood up now, towering over Alex. “You left because you thought I was cheating? That you didn’t deserve me? And got in touch with a fucking pen pal?”
“Well... yeah. But I was so stupid and, and I missed you so much... I love you Jack, I still love you.”
Jack just shook his head. All this time, all this time, he had wasted on this boy, and it was so. not. worth it.
“You left.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“Are you even here to stay? Will you stay long enough to put me back together? Will you leave again and shatter whatever it is that I even have left, Alex? You broke me! You left me, without explanation, without contact, for months. I don’t consider myself a person anymore, Alex. I am nothing because of you.”
“I’ll stay!” Alex was crying now. “Whatever it takes to make you whole again, Jack. I need you. I love you, we’re made for each other. You know that. Please, just, please give me a second chance.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
Alex was Jack’s inflamed sense of utter rejection.
Jack walked out of the coffee shop that afternoon after a muttered “I don’t know if it’s worth it,” and went home. He didn’t speak to his mother, he didn’t speak to his boss the next day, he didn’t speak to anyone if he could help it, because he couldn’t think. Jack was just so numb; he didn’t know what to do.
Alex was Jack’s bad habit.
Author:x_cheapnovelty
Pairing: Alex Gaskarth/Jack Barakat
Rating: M
Summary: Alex is the architect of Jack's despair.
POV: Third
Warnings: Angst, heartache, bad words
Disclaimer: Moderately imaginary.
Author Notes: Here you go. I've decided that it will not be a two-shot, but it will instead be a three or four shot.
so, uh... here, have some heartache :)
cut text similar to a Matchbook Romance song.
Jack was very good at playing his role. He no longer felt much, but he pretended to, and that made his life feel a lot less bottomless. He hadn’t moved from Baltimore and he hadn’t left his job; this idea terrified him, because he knew once he did, he would never, ever see Alex again, and his last hope that he clung so desperately to, was the most romanticized cliché: that his loved one would come to his senses, and come back for him.
Yeah, right. Still, Jack thought that maybe, maybe Alex would return.
Alex was Jack’s hopeless dream.
Now Jack had acquired a new boyfriend. He couldn’t bear to even attempt having a girlfriend, because he could at least pretend that this new boy was Alex. He felt bad, using this new boy this way, but at least Jack now had someone that actually liked him enough to want him in their life, and it made him slightly happier. The boy, Zack, was handsome, sweet and a bit of a space cadet, so he never truly picked up on Jack’s inner anguish and Jack liked it that way. They met at the coffee shop, of course; Jack didn’t really go anywhere else. Zack asked for his number and Jack figured whatever. So they fell into being, and on the outside, they were cute. Zack probably thought they were cute too. They’d watch movies, drink coffee, fuck, cuddle, whatever, as long as they never got the chance to just talk. Jack was afraid Zack would see through his guise if they ever just talked and he kinda liked having Zack around. So they stayed busy through sealed lips or small talk.
Alex was Jack’s shattered confidence.
Time passed, as it has a habit of doing. Jack was still with Zack, still at his coffee shop, still in Baltimore and still a devastated wreck of a person. Jack thought that maybe he would never muster up the courage to ever leave, and this scared him too, because he remembered that he once had dreams, once had hopes and aspirations. But they all involved Alex as a key character, so it had all turned to ash and Jack had lost all his ambition. It was an autumn Thursday afternoon and Jack was leaning against the coffee shop counter, trying to remember these aspirations and dreams; whatever he wanted for a future, when someone softly called his name.
“... Jack?” it was almost a whisper. Jack looked up and couldn’t breathe.
Alex.
Jack felt lightheaded. He couldn’t bring himself to breathe, but his body was telling him to, otherwise fainting or other dire consequences would ensue, and Jack didn’t want that, because he didn’t want Alex to disappear again, but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t make the lump go away, he couldn’t swallow and he thought to himself that at least he would die knowing that Alex came back for him. Then Alex spoke again; “please... can - can you say something?” and then Jack could. He inhaled a sharp gasp, which quickly turned into heaving breaths and Alex looked really worried now, but Jack finally choked out,
“Alex....... you’re. Here.”
Alex was Jack’s convulsing heart.
Alex and Jack were sat at a table in the coffee shop; Alex attempting to talk and Jack not saying a word. It was such an amazing relief to just see him again, to know he was real, to see that his hair was shorter and darker, he had some stubble and - Jack’s eyes zeroed in on Alex’s forearm. He had a tattoo. Alex followed Jack’s glare and laid his arm out on the table so that Jack could examine it properly. Jack was too scared to touch Alex just in case he lost his mind, but he leaned in real close and whispered “a trick-or-treater? Why?”
“Halloween... it’s my favourite.” Alex explained through his lashes. “Every Halloween with you was so much fun, since we were kids... we’d wreak havoc on the townsfolk of Baltimore... and then when we got older, it became our anniversary. It’s in autumn, y’know... the best season... and I couldn’t bear to go through Halloween on my own... without you... actually I... I was having a lot of trouble without you...” he trailed off, looking like he was about to cry. Jack was almost heartwarmed that Alex had a tattoo symbolizing him, but then he realised that he’d left, so it didn’t make sense, and the time was now for the elephant in the room to be addressed.
“Why did you leave?”
The silence was deafening.
“...Alex?”
“Jack, I...”
“I was going to come with you. You couldn’t wait? You couldn’t tell me-” Jack couldn’t finish. He suddenly wished it was dark, so no one could see his face.
“I know... but, Jack, I...”
“Please... I just... I need to make sense of why you left.” Jack said, closing his eyes. The strangest feeling was overwhelming him, and he wanted to leave, to just leave Baltimore, to leave Alex sitting here to be swallowed by guilt, and to become someone else.
“My reasoning at the time was really stupid...” Alex started. Jack was listening hard; this better be worth it. “I regret leaving without you now. So, at the time, we were graduating and everyone was all happy and close and stuff... and I mean, I know you had always said that you were set on coming with me and I believed you... but, you were so close with Tom and you had those secret conversations and... I went a bit crazy. I booked my flight and didn’t tell you because I suspected you of, of... but you wouldn’t do that I was so fucking stupid. But then I met Oliver... he emailed me, I went to school with him in England and, well, I thought... I don’t know what I thought. I thought by leaving, you would be free to, I don’t know, be... you. I never thought I deserved you, I guess... but I, I rang up Beckett and he said you were terrible and I got worried and... here I am.” Alex finished sheepishly.
Jack just sat there.
Alex started to blush.
Jack just sat there a bit longer.
Tom?
“Tom? Are you fucking kidding, Alex?!” Jack stood up now, towering over Alex. “You left because you thought I was cheating? That you didn’t deserve me? And got in touch with a fucking pen pal?”
“Well... yeah. But I was so stupid and, and I missed you so much... I love you Jack, I still love you.”
Jack just shook his head. All this time, all this time, he had wasted on this boy, and it was so. not. worth it.
“You left.”
“Can you forgive me?”
“Are you even here to stay? Will you stay long enough to put me back together? Will you leave again and shatter whatever it is that I even have left, Alex? You broke me! You left me, without explanation, without contact, for months. I don’t consider myself a person anymore, Alex. I am nothing because of you.”
“I’ll stay!” Alex was crying now. “Whatever it takes to make you whole again, Jack. I need you. I love you, we’re made for each other. You know that. Please, just, please give me a second chance.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
Alex was Jack’s inflamed sense of utter rejection.
Jack walked out of the coffee shop that afternoon after a muttered “I don’t know if it’s worth it,” and went home. He didn’t speak to his mother, he didn’t speak to his boss the next day, he didn’t speak to anyone if he could help it, because he couldn’t think. Jack was just so numb; he didn’t know what to do.
Alex was Jack’s bad habit.