To downing Gin and Kerosene
I don't sleep anymore... I fucking stay up until 6 am and wake up at 3 wat a waste of life i am ... i havent started training and camp is in 12 days FUCK!!
Lem keeps asking me if something is wrong... She knows me and i lie and tell her nothings wrong... But everythings wrong... Greg's in another relationship already and he's happy... I guess i deserve that for possibly being the worst girlfriend in the world when i was with him... Im sorry greg you always deserved better than me, i hope everything works out... Shapiro continues to play mind games with me and i want to kill him and kiss him all at the same time... He's a really good kisser too... I strongly dislike boys... My mother is driving me crazy ... I want to hate her but i love her to death .. I just wish she was a real mother, one who didnt drink herself silly all the time, or one who didnt carelessly get involved with violent drunks who try to hit her children... I wish she would tell me if i could go to warped tour seeing as its in 2 days !!! I wish i could ease jimmy's pain because all i want is for him to have faith that things can be okay and that not all girls are evil, backstabbing, cheating, liars... I wish that John vitalo and i clicked when we first met and could be having an awesome time together ... But instead i was shy and he was unapproachable and now hes dating some girl named angelica... i don;t like him i barely noe him... But he's cute and would be great to Hook up with :sticks tounge out:... Chris Mcglahin (not spelt right) is really hot , but even if i flirted with him he wouldnt noe it... He's so oblivious to everything surrounding him ... I'm really hoping that me michelle and lem stay friends for a long time.. these girls are so great and they take care of me... Who else would not let me leave their house and make me stay there so i dont have to fight with my mom... Or would straighten my hair when i was a blonde and couldnt do it ... Or would triple kiss and be like SO WHAT!.. or would watch me cry and then do something incredibly stupid just to make me smile... or would attack chester from linkin park with their camera fone.. and wear care bear shirts that strike up conversations with other memebrs of linkin park... and would belt everythin LP song during their set at project revolution... Or eat White castle not just once but sometimes twice a day.... Dude its august fifth... My brother leaves for college in exactly one month.. My life leaves in four weeks... In 31 days my best friend moves to Amherst and has a better life while leaving me here to rot alone.... No one to watch infomercials with... No one to fight with .. No one to make 1 am white castle trips with... No one to ask questions about random bands... No one to steal CD's from... No one to teach me some random fact... No one to protect me ... No one to be here with me when my mother is drunk yet again... Oh fuck now ive done it to myself .. Im fucking bawling my eyes out right now... i;m fuckin so alone and no one fucking noes it ... im so scared to be alone i dont like it...
But quiet is my loudest cry and sometimes i wish someone could hear it
I'll be your best kept secret
and your biggest mistake ...
The hand behind this pen relieves a failure everyday