Scientology Questionairre. :D
Apparently this is actually given to new recruits to the cult that is Scientology.
• Have you ever enslaved a population?
Well gosh, there was that one weekend...
• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?
The dollar plunging was all me. :D
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
No. I usually kill the right person.
• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
It's traditional punishment for spreading lies. God.
• Have you ever been a professional critic?
Yah, I was head food critic for the New York Times the spring of '99.
• Have you ever wiped out a family?
I left the dog alive.
• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
All the time.
• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
... I don't even have a clever quip for this one.
• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
Chernobyl was me.
• Have you ever made love to a dead body?
... SHUT UP I THOUGHT HE WAS STILL ALIVE.
• Have you ever engaged in piracy?
I am a motherfucking pirate.
• Have you ever been a pimp?
Yah, when I retired from prostitution.
• Have you ever eaten a human body?
Tastes like chicken, lightly flavored with lemon and sin.
• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?
The Venus de Milo looks better without her arms.
• Have you ever exterminated a species?
*sigh* No one needed the dodos.
• Have you ever been a professional executioner?
I still have my axe. :D
• Have you given robots a bad name?
... Why do they need to do know this? ROBOT OVERLORDS?
• Have you ever set a booby trap?
I actually probably have done this one.
• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
I AM the leader.
• Have you driven anyone insane?
Yes.
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
THIS WAS ASKED ALREADY.
• Is anybody looking for you?
Just the FBI
• Have you ever set a poor example?
See prior questions.
• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Yes
• Are you in hiding?
Yes
• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
Yes. I regularly employ deranged criminals as butlers for the rich and the famous.
• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Is a rabbit Wednesday?
• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Hmm... Let me think about this one a few days.
• Have you ever gone crazy?
Only once.
• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
The judge.
• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
God damn it, I am the great leader.
• Have you ever smothered a baby?
YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?
• Do you deserve to have any friends?
No. I am a bad emo kid.
• Have you ever castrated anyone?
I do so every Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
• Do you deserve to be enslaved?
No.
• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
All of them.
• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
There was that one time...
• Have you ever zapped anyone?
Tazeerrrrrrr
• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
*sigh* Sorry for the syphillus guys.
• Have you ever enslaved a population?
Well gosh, there was that one weekend...
• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?
The dollar plunging was all me. :D
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
No. I usually kill the right person.
• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
It's traditional punishment for spreading lies. God.
• Have you ever been a professional critic?
Yah, I was head food critic for the New York Times the spring of '99.
• Have you ever wiped out a family?
I left the dog alive.
• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
All the time.
• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?
... I don't even have a clever quip for this one.
• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?
Chernobyl was me.
• Have you ever made love to a dead body?
... SHUT UP I THOUGHT HE WAS STILL ALIVE.
• Have you ever engaged in piracy?
I am a motherfucking pirate.
• Have you ever been a pimp?
Yah, when I retired from prostitution.
• Have you ever eaten a human body?
Tastes like chicken, lightly flavored with lemon and sin.
• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?
The Venus de Milo looks better without her arms.
• Have you ever exterminated a species?
*sigh* No one needed the dodos.
• Have you ever been a professional executioner?
I still have my axe. :D
• Have you given robots a bad name?
... Why do they need to do know this? ROBOT OVERLORDS?
• Have you ever set a booby trap?
I actually probably have done this one.
• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?
I AM the leader.
• Have you driven anyone insane?
Yes.
• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
THIS WAS ASKED ALREADY.
• Is anybody looking for you?
Just the FBI
• Have you ever set a poor example?
See prior questions.
• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
Yes
• Are you in hiding?
Yes
• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
Yes. I regularly employ deranged criminals as butlers for the rich and the famous.
• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Is a rabbit Wednesday?
• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Hmm... Let me think about this one a few days.
• Have you ever gone crazy?
Only once.
• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
The judge.
• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
God damn it, I am the great leader.
• Have you ever smothered a baby?
YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?
• Do you deserve to have any friends?
No. I am a bad emo kid.
• Have you ever castrated anyone?
I do so every Monday, Wednesday, Friday.
• Do you deserve to be enslaved?
No.
• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
All of them.
• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
There was that one time...
• Have you ever zapped anyone?
Tazeerrrrrrr
• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
*sigh* Sorry for the syphillus guys.